My story

Hi everyone! Just wanted to share my story... I grew up in care from a young age and my family disowned me when I was 19 pregnant with my son because they are strict Muslims and I didn't agree to living my life that way. By this point my mental health was deteriorating fast and i was sectioned and diagnosed with borderline personality disorder at 19. Since then my life has been so up and down. My sons father took me to court in 2015 saying i can't cope with my mental health. My son lives with his dad now and I see him weekends and half the holidays. I struggle with the pain of this everyday of my life. I miss him all the time and feel so depressed because of this and so many other things that have happened to me in the past.

Also two years ago I started hearing voices and hallucinating. Ever since I've been trying to get my diagnosis changed and now i finally have an appointment next Monday for a second opinion. I believe I used to have bpd and now have psychosis but my psychiatrist doesn't listen to me. I had to make a complaint to get a second opinion. I'm feeling very anxious about this appointment as you can imagine. But fingers crossed I get a good outcome. Sorry for the long essay I have so much to say!

[charlieab]

Hi Miah

Sounds like you have had a really tough time. Just wanted to say hello and wish you luck.

R

[Hidden in reply to charlieab]

Thank you

[Greencandies1074 in reply to Hidden]

I say you make your own decision. I don't think it's a mental health problem. You want to be different and nobody likes it. Pray to Jesus he will lead you to your son.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello Miah_X and welcome to the forum. I am sorry to hear things have been so difficult for you. I wish you all the very best for your appointment on Monday. Do you have someone to accompany you, a friend, perhaps? You may find it helpful to have a look on MIND website----the Mental Health Charity. MIND has advocates who can accompany you to appointments if you would like this. Please see mind.org.uk/information-sup.... Please stay on this caring forum where you will receive support from other members. Do any other members have any help and advice for Miah_X, please? Best wishes.

[Hidden in reply to MAS_Nurse]

Hi MAS_Nurse thank you for your advice. I'm quite isolated at the moment and have been for a long time since my family don't want anything to do with me. I have my partner but he's always working. And I have one friend but she's going through her own problems so I don't really want to put pressure on her to be there for me. I will look into the mind advocates but as far as I'm aware they don't have a mind in my area. They always refer me to citizens advice bureau who are really bad at advocacy for mental health.

[lin62-65ze]

Dear Miah,. I truly feel for you and agree you need a second opinion. It appears you have no back up from your close family either which is awful. I suffer with bi polar, I take Lithium but apparently they do not give it now as its toxic. I am very sad about your little son as he can bring you so much joy, also you do not state that you have a job as this can help you escape from your problems but you are probably too ill to work. Being in care must have been a dreadful experience for you and you are crying out for support and love. I note the Administrator has replied and given you useful information. Please heed their advice, now you are on this site we will read and help you as much as we can. Your main goal is to get better and become able to cope with life, contact me anytime 🤗💐 Helen xx

[Hidden in reply to lin62-65ze]

Hi Helen thank you for your kind words. I've been crying out for help for a long time. I feel alone and emotionally and physically exhausted all the time. And even when I have my son I'm not able to enjoy my time with him because I feel so drained from everything. I've tried to commit suicide several times in the past but it was more crying out for help rather than I want to die. And I used to self harm too haven't done it in a month now I know it doesn't seem like a long time but for me it is. Also they will not give me therapy until I've been 'stable' for 6 months. I've been complaining and trying to fight for therapy but they say trauma therapy will make me worse if I am not stable. So I'm not quite sure what to do. I've been dying to talk to someone for a long time and I don't think it's fair for them to deny me therapy because who goes into therapy being stable?

Do you get a lot of side affects from the lithium? I'm on aripiprazole which is an antipsychotic and venlafaxine which is an anti depressant. The venlafaxine makes me so tired and drowsy. I feel like I never have energy. It's funny because they put me on these medications but yet they don't want to change my diagnosis. Anyway I'm hoping the second opinion goes well.

Also I don't have a job at the moment. I did a degree in surface design and graduated in 2014. But since then I haven't done anything. Most of the time I have no motivation to do anything. And when I do have motivation I can't make up my mind about what I would like to do.

Thank you for reading and being so caring. Hope you have a lovely day. Xx

[lin62-65ze]

Hi Miah

I can tell you are crying out for help, I do not understand why you have to be stable to have therapy, I honestly think years ago treatment was very different. I also think those who have suffered have deeper empathy, I personally wish some professionals could suffer for a week the symptoms that those with mental health have to endure, this would expand their understanding.

Regarding my taking Lithium I am fortunate that I have never had any side effects, I also take Pregablin otherwise I do not sleep. My youngest son is also bi polar and is on depakote, he does have side effects, dry mouth.

Please try to think positive as very few of us continue ill for years, in your personal experience you were dealt a bad hand, never having security, being in a home, I still believe young people crave security and love, obviously everyone is different but it does appear you have been deeply affected. However with help and encouragement from others you will get better, you are drained mentally and therefore have no energy. I will help you all I can, I can listen and encourage you. Keep on at the professionals say you want to get well. You WILL get there, love Helen 💐💐😃xxx