No winning with me.

[Breadrum]

I wonder if it's the illness or I'm just being a jerk.

I ask to be told what I'm doing wrong. I fly off the handle from it.

I don't get told what I'm doing wrong and I am free to make my own conclusions , which leads to a self destructive tantrum instead.

How come there's no winning with me?

[ZebraZone]

I think a lot of us see “I did something wrong” as “I am wrong”. Like as a person. It’s hard not to feel personally attacked when you see things this way.

I obviously don’t know you or your situation. That said it sounds like to me you’re being triggered by constructive criticism. This could be due to an overly critical parent, a specific incident in your life, it could be societal pressure or anything/nothing specific. They call it constructive but it’s still criticism and it sucks to be criticised. Unfortunately that uncomfortable place is where all the personal growth is.

I think it’s great you’ve noticed a pattern here that’s an important step. Do you have a therapist because this seems like the perfect thing to take to them to help you unpack.

I struggled a lot with criticism I’m more of a freeze in (fight, flight, freeze, fawn) threat response, sounds like your fight. It helped me to think of constructive criticism as an act of love. Stick with me haha. Like if I don’t gaf about someone I’m not going to waste my time trying to help them. With someone I care about if they care enough about me and our relationship that they want to help me be better isn’t that one of the kindest things someone can do. We all have blind spots and we all mess up it’s just part of being a human unfortunately. It’s sometimes helpful to have someone in your corner to point out the things we miss. Please note this doesn’t stand for everyone some people will critique you into submission or as an abusive tactic.