Confused: What is actually wrong with me?

I've been struggling recently with my mental health. I know there's something wrong with me but I don't know what it could be. I've looked at online tests and NHS symptoms but they make me more confused and I'm too scared to see my GP. I most likely think it is OCD yet I also show symptoms of bipolar and other things. I keep telling myself not to be overdramatise but I have this gut feeling that something is wrong. I just don't think the same as other people and it is extremely isolating sometimes. I think because I'm 'high functioning' others and myself just brush it off as nothing. I have quite a quirky personality anyway that makes me unique but then I wonder if these 'quirks' are because of this thing that's wrong. That makes me think that these quirks aren't specia because they are bad and associated with a disorder rather than just being me. I would just brush this off as nothing but it does get in the way of my everyday life and even when friends say they understand I can tell that they either have no idea what I'm taking about or don't really care enough to bother.

I hate having to put a label to how I'm feeling such as the term of a mental disorder but I suppose I'd rather discover what is actually wrong and then treat it that remain confused forever. I'm going to uni in September and am worried that my feelings may only escalate then.

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  • Hi,

    A mental illness is nothing to be ashamed of.

    The particular thing about any illness, mental or not, is that symptoms do not show themselves in the same way in every body. My doctor says that's way she stays in medicine.

    While online research is good and helpful, you need to see a professional person. Going to see your GP for a diagnosis and treatment plan is definitely the first step to sorting out your situation. To make the best of the first consultation, book a long appointment and take some notes about how long you have been feeling this way, your symptoms and affect on your life). If feeling shaky about this visit, take along a support person.

    Please bear in mind that going to university will be an additional stressor in your life that may cause further changes in your mental health. Support will be available on campus through a student assistance program so check in with them during orientation.

    The forum is here for you when you feel like talking :)

  • You need to be brave and see your GP, then explain your problems.

    Your attitude to how you see your life with your self criticism seems to be a mental illness problem and with your worries about your health you need to put your fears to rest.

    Make your appointment and before you go make a list of what concerns you. A double appointment is best as this will give you time to address any concerns you may have.

    You may find your GP will not give medications on first visit as they may feel an assessment first is a good idea.

    To be honest I have problems relating to people because of my Short term memory problems and my Chronic Medical Problem, with its associated Reactive Depression

    I feel now that I am insular and prefer to follow certain activities that do not involve outside sources. With the exception of these sites.

    You are not alone, and if you have the need to chat we are here.

    Let us know how you get on with your GP, you have everything to gain going. Remember your GP is in partnership with you as far as treating your health concerns

    You may find getting treatment now is a good idea because you start Uni soon, If you need medications, they will take time to work. The period before your course will allow the medication time to work well.

    You need to be able to learn and concentrate on your Studies, and you will start to experience many life changes, remember that and get well I am envious your are entering into an exiting time in your Life, enjoy

    BOB

  • Dear Bob you sound so lonely! But great advice. Anyone who needs a wee private chat about anything just give me a message - we're not alone in this life with its struggles so it's good to have a fellow mentalist(my official title) to chat to.

  • My daughter was diagnosed last year with autism, this was a huge surprise but made complete sense of her behavior and emotions. She'd had difficulty with school but no one picked it up until we moved. She is now getting extra help and support and building up her confidence. Until the diagnosis I was completely unaware that she saw and experienced so many things differently. Poor lamb eventually told me about it. But it was an eye opener as I failed to pick it up.

    A lot of girls/women are now being diagnosed, because they were intellectually sound it was missed at an earlier age.

    Over the years I've suffered from depression. I've met lots of different people with lots of different mental health issues. All of them wonderful individuals. We are not defined by these things unless we experience ignorance from other people. Luckily things are improving, but still a long way to go. As a young person just starting out in life it can be very worrying. But, the only real purpose we have is to be our true selves and experience as much of life as possible, the good and the bad. If you speak to your GP you might get help, or have no diagnosis made. It won't change you only give you the information you need to understand yourself better. That's a good thing.

  • DMM

    Sorry about your Daughter, do you have a special school up on Orkney that your daughter can attend ?. My wife has a cousin who lives in the Midlands and has now reached Her eighteenth year. She has now been placed into a special needs school to help her move on in Her Life. She does have problems although I have heard she is showing promise on various activities. We hav not seen Her now for a long time, although Her Mam we understand is hopeful for Her future. It is all so very sad

    Like you have met many people who like me have various mental health problems, When I was in the day centre they were really nice and supportive to each other. They were always ther to give each other support and understanding.

    I really wish I could go down the sixty miles to see them again although it has been five years since my last visit.

    BOB

  • Daughter is in main stream school with support. She's missed so much as she was unable to cope at school and this became school refusal - took about 2 years to get to bottom of it. I was working at the time so it was incredibly stressful as she was refusing to go in for hours.

    She's bright and artistic - it's her social skills and perceptions that are completely off. At moment she's not been great for 6 months - hearing voices, hallucinating, paranoid and delusional. She's only 13 so everyone is avoiding diagnosis and (schizophrenia) but I couldn't care less as long as she's getting help and support

    . So last few years just thrown crap at us, onwards though!

  • Thank you DMM

    I have learned to try and be my own confident, that can be hard for many on this site as they try and move on through their life choices.

    Thank you for your offer I will remember your offer, the same applies here

    BOB

  • I feel like you do. I've tried to shoulder through life pushing my feelings down. It's getting to be to much and I'm starting to see that it really is nothing to be ashamed of.

    So I'm seeking help.

    You should do the same. It would be better to know what could be the issue then constantly wonder.

    Find ways or advice to help you could be the one thing that helps you tremendously.

  • i have been attending counselling sessions and it been impressed on me that how you breahe helps a lot.if you inhale through your nose counting to 4 hold it for 2 seconds and exhale through your mouth counting to 4.do this 5 times .believe me it does help

  • I have also been the exact same!

    It's the intrusive thoughts that have pushed me to see my GP. I hear all these stories of people with mental health and they are happy etc and fine.

    I've been "fine" for years. I won't accept medication off the GP as I feel like they make you worse. These thoughts I got weren't normal, and scared me. I've changed in myself also a lot! 😔

    Went to see my GP. He said I sound like I've got a mild case of Bipolar, so I've to see a psychiatrist. This was in June. I've rang my GP today and the psychiatrist have screened my referral and sent it straight to MindsMatter.

    I kind of feel left down to be honest.

  • That's annoying that you've been let down like that. I really hope you get some sort of solution as you shouldn't have to struggle through this. I also don't like to be given any such medication, even pain relief I dislike as it sometimes makes me feel worse mentally.

  • Yeah I hate that "out of body" feeling. I take painkillers for my back but that's about it haha.

  • i know kindof what you mean.Idk what's wrong with me or if there is anything wrong with me or if i'm just being dramatic. my boyfriend is my only real friend and he lives in Florida until next year and i live up north. my dad finds it interesting because he said im either really animated or really nasty (i can be pretty irritable towards my family when i'm tired coming home from work or school). i have nothing to do but work and college and pay crazy bills. I miss having a life. I don't feel like i am worthless, i know i am that bitch (excuse my french). i dont know. im pretty confident i think. my boyfriend thinks im overly confident sometimes but i used to be reallly insecure and sometimes i have to fake it you know. but i know my worth. i have nothing to do anymore, and all i want to do is have fun or go shopping and buy all clothes and get my nails done and makeup and girly things. i love to buy things to make me feel better, especially when im lonely. but then i feel bad later on because i spent money. i don't have money for myself anymore. with car insurance, college textbooks, phone bills etc. i remember last summer i spent ALL of my money because i felt like my money was gonna be all gone on bills so i might as well just spend it on myself. but then it took me a really long time to recover and i learned that's not smart. so now im a really hard penny pincher. I make 20 bucks last a week for gas only. i just don't know. there's periods where i wake up EVERY night at 4 am for NO REASON. literally days in a row i will wake up at the same time. I even remember going to bed like at 1 am one time and STILL woke up at 4. my dad says it's hormones but idk. and it takes me like 30 minutes before i can go back to sleep. sometimes i get sad bc im lonely and i feel like i have no one. i remember feeling like this in middle school when i didn't really go out much. but when i go out i forget about it. i like going out. but i hate going out and being around people i feel like dont care about me. and a lot of people dont care about me. my "friends" used me. my dad doesn't talk to me anymore (1 month strong) literally at all. since the time he threw me out in the middle of the night. i dont know if im pmsing rn but i have been crying everyday for the past 3 days. ik sometimes it stupid things like yesterday i burned my pizza. i dont know if my birth control is taking over but i feel okay. i know since i took it i been more emotional. but it was cool earlier in the year when i had friends. and i also know that in middle school i didnt have birth control and i cut myself once to see if it would make me feel better but i didnt and i never did it again. i used to think of death in middle school too. i think i recall wanting to choke myself with my sheets and tied it around my neck tight. i thought middle school was just a phase you know. bc i got over it when i made friends and went out and partied a lot. but i feel very similar to how i felt then. sad bc im lonely. like i have no one. ive always been a good student though, i have a 4.0 in college rn. idk if you read this all thank you. let me know what you think. is it just hormones from birth control and pms or do i have a deeper issue.

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