New/ Support ( afraid of another breakdown) amazing Psychiatrist _ maybe Medication changes ? Guidance?

[Ocean39]

Hi there everyone...

I’ve always been a pretty easy going & joyful person... over the last year or so my family circumstances have been totally overwhelming & I cannot express the physical & mental toll it has taken on me...

I am responsible the financial situation & have both an elderly aunt & older brother living in my home .

They are both depressed, the anxiety is so bad you can cut the tension w/ a knife.

I take care of everything in the house & also try to maintain the peace . ( people pleaser)

Traumatic Childhood- too long to type

I also have an older sister who has been on life support since Nov - flying back & forth for about 6 mths now, as I am her health care proxy..

Also take care of my fathers affairs... which is fine, youngest of five but I’m the one who seems to do it all, for years now ...which is fine because I’m ok with most of it, but it’s becoming exhausting and it’s too much now ..

My sis who’s I’ll,

Seeing her in this condition is absolutely horrible.. I went through with my mom before she passed as well...

I have had some pretty traumatic experiences over the years, more specifically over the last decade....

I’m finding that anniversary dates are affecting me significantly .

I will add I’ve had my own health issues, some very serious & almost past myself about 5 years .

With that I’ve tried to stay focused & positive without allowing anything to take me off course.

But, I’m the type of person who tends to not say “ NO” over commit & not exactly take care of my own needs

This time last year, I had surgery, about 2 weeks after I attempted to come off every medication I had been taking from Syntroid, protonix -

I also stopped taking Lexapro 10mgs, Xanax as needed & it was horrific- it was also during the 10 year anniversary of my mother’s death, a rape which I normally would not disclose ( but talking online is obviously easier) and in addition the the anniversary of when I had become seriously ill...

Add stop taking all medication- having surgery ( hormones were a mess ) ...

was also going through a breakup with a man I’ve been w/ on & off for over 15 years ...

The med thing, I was trying to clean my body I guess - bad idea..

I started getting sick physically than I totally broke down ...

Started having flashbacks, nightmares, panic and was crying over everything- I stopped sleeping for 4/5 days / it was literally the most frightening experience I’ve ever had... this went on for a week/ no sleep and everything was out of control/ but I was hiding it from family & friends ...

Finally I reached out to the psychiatrist who’ve i have been seeing for ten years since my mom passed.

She was amazing, immediately got me in, I told her everything..

She explained I was experiencing C-PTSD/ crisis, DX’d MDD ( explained I wasn’t manic or anything like that ) but the stress of everything was too much .

I explained to her I was taking 2mgs of Xanax and it wasn’t affecting me, helping at all- my anxiety was through the roof.

My psychiatrist gave me prozasin, propropanol, kept me on the Xanax - up’d my lexapro to 20mgs she also gave me Abilfy 2 mgs ...

She also had me download some apps for breathing techniques ...

She also had me start coming in once a month & calling once a week to check in on just to see how I was doing ....

I’ve continued to see her every month & been doing so much better....

But my family circumstances are getting worse again & out of control...

I’m starting to have massive panic attacks again, not sleeping again and when I’m home in that environment I’m so depressed it’s overwhelming/ I can’t convey how bad it feels .

It’s starting to affect my physical health, I’m terrified of experiencing what happened the last time & im for some reason afraid to even discuss it this time..

I guess I’m asking for some guidance.

I’m taking :

Lexapro 10mg

Xanax 1mg 2a day as needed

Topamax /50 to 100 mgs - migraines

Synthroid .075

I have gabenpen for pain... use as needed

And propropanol 20/40mgs daily

I am not a huge fan of taking medication in general -

I guess I’m concerned if I go too much into what’s going my Psych MD is going to want to add or change the medication I’m on right now -

But I’m drowning in depression & anxiety and down know what to, also scared of going through what I felt last year ... it really affected me & the experience lasted as I went through a long depression...

I only took the Abilfy for about 2 weeks/ started having some side effects but it helped tremendously while on it ....she even considered Latuda at one point explained it is used off label for MDD with Mixed Features- I have a clinical degree & am aware - agreed but made me super nauseous.-

Any advice is appreciated in terms of how to have a conversation with my Psych MD & really talk - new here thanks for any help!

[Dolphin14]

Ocean39

Wow! A lot going on. First I would just want to say I'm sorry for what you have been through and continue to go through. It's a lot!!

I can relate to a lot of your story. Ive been a caregiver my whole life basically. My husband got sick at a young age. My large family has passed back to back over the last few years.

I've tried to be stoic, Supress my feeling keep busy, workaholic, on and on and had a breakdown. I have cPTSD, GAD, Major depression. Over the last few years I have learned so much about myself. I also had an emotionally abusive childhood.

Back to you. I believe a good psychiatrist will listen to us and our questions and concerns about medications. I think it's all a team approach and decisions should be come to together. I was recently put on ability and we had the exact conversation a Latuda versus the abilify. I opted for the abilify. I did have nausea for about two weeks but that has resolved.

I truly believe an open honest relationship with our md is so important. Sounds like you trust this person. In the past I have also had discussion with my md and she's given me the time to think about a change and do research.

First and foremost take care of you. It's hard for us to say no. Eventually I learned to set some boundaries and people weren't happy about that.

Let us know how you make out.

I hope this was helpful. I feel like it may have been a little choppy

Best of luck to you

[Ocean39 in reply to Dolphin14]

Thank you so much for the response sounds like you really get it !

Yes my doc is great, she’s incredibly empathetic and has always listened ... she also knows I’m a little MED phobic .

But you’re right, def should be open & talk with her, maybe make some changes to help take the edge of the massive anxiety and depression that’s becoming unmanageable..

Thank you again!!!!

[Dolphin14]

Ocean39

I'm glad my response helped in some way. I am amazed when I read someone's story and see my own image. We have had a lot of the same issues.

I'm so glad your doc makes you comfortable. Some people are not lucky enough to find that and it breaks my heart. We all have a right to good medical care no matter what's wrong with us.

Let us know how it goes. Everyone can help each other if we share our info. That's what we are here for.

May you feel some improvement soon.

[Suzie40]

What a huge amount you've experienced - I was quite taken aback. Interesting (but understandable) you've chosen not to delve into your traumatic childhood. Adverse childhood experiences are one of the biggest contributors to mental health difficulties. Do you talk to your psychiatrist about them?

[Ocean39 in reply to Suzie40]

Absolutely & she has been helping w/ therapy as well which is rare now .. so it’s a great situation in terms of treatment... she has a detailed HX