You know, sometimes I wonder why my mother always treats me so differently. I’ve always been treated different from my siblings, her friends, her boyfriends, etc etc so fourth. I was the one always beat, talked down to, made to felt like shit, and just plain out be the one she hates.. and till this day she treats me like I’m a stranger.
I’ve moved out of her house and am on my own and felt like I finally did something right in my life. I’m free from her blaming my anxiety, my depression. I’m free from her blaming that the way I act is bc I’m off my “meds” or that I need to get back on them ASAP. I’m free from her beating my mental health down every day.
I give her chance after chance and she still proves to me that she’s the same. I feel so so lonely sometimes bc i feel without both parents. My sister is turning into her so much that I fear I can’t talk to her either. I just don’t understand why I have to be so different. Why she can’t just love me as a daughter. I’ve always envied the girls I saw in high school and how great their relationships were with their mothers.
I’m lucky enough to have a mom in law that makes up for everything I’ve very missed or wanted but it still doesn’t fill that huge hole my birth mother has dug.. I just want my mom to be my mom. Not another person that’s hurt me.