My daughter's hygiene

Just a some background first.

My daughter's doctor quite a long time ago diagnosed her with Bipolar, I think she may be Bipolar 1 but I'm not sure.

She has had episodes where her spending is out of control i.e. when she lived away from her hometown she bought loads of clothes and never wore them, she also bought lots of shoes. She still has a tendency to spend quite a bit of money as she has two nieces and is constantly buying them things, she wastes food as she'll like the look of something and only eat a small amount of it as she's bought too much. She also self harmed in school when she was 13, tried to take her life in 2007 (she had a lot of support at the time where she was living and I'm forever grateful for the support she received) and she can be very sarcastic but not in a good way and hasn't treated me that well in the past. What I will say though is that I no longer worry about her trying to take her life as the medication seems to keep her on an even keel. She is also what I would refer to as 'super intelligent but to a fault' as she feels she has to be the best at everything and I've often said to her that you don't have to be the best. This is one fault she recognises in herself.

She also has, at present, very bad hygiene and I'm at my wits end as to know what to do about that. For example, when she came on holiday with us in June 2018 in this country, she only used the shower twice over the whole two weeks. As those of you that live in the UK may remember that last summer's weather was very hot. We went on walks every day and sweated but she just took those clothes off and put others on the next day and put some clothes out for washing. She also, even though it was hot, wore fleeces.

Do any of you suffer like this/know of something like this and is able to advise me on how to handle my daughter's hygiene issues? I do understand that she probably can't help it but I cannot stand the smell and am embarrassed when out with her, I would see her more often if her hygiene was better.

Also, she lives in a shared house with 5 other people and there are 2 bathrooms and 2 toilets but I cannot see this is the problem as she lived in a shared house before the one she's in now and her hygiene was fine in the other house.

This is getting me down and I'm getting more and more worried on how to approach my daughter, I do not want to hurt her. My daughter is 37.

[hypercat54]

Very difficult. I have the same problem with one sister who doesn't wash much and wears the same clothes for ages. I do feel embarrassed to be with her so limit contact. I have tried hints and tips but to no avail. If I told her more bluntly she would be angry and shout at me, and I don't care enough to pursue it.

I hope you find an answer. x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you very much hypercat54 for your response. I feel for you as well, it's very difficult and embarrassing, I rarely introduce my daughter to anyone. Also I don't honestly know how her work colleagues work with her. I love my daughter very much and I think this is why I'm finding it hard as a few years ago she had this very same problem but not as bad and I mentioned it to her and she cried and shouted at me, it's so difficult.

Thank you x

[Daz2310]

You need be honest and tell her your concerns and advise her correctly to sort her self out or just hose pipe her down lol sorry bad joke trying ease the tension , honestly is the best policy if not try suggest going swimming possibly or seek medical help x

[Hidden in reply to Daz2310]

Thank you Daz for your reply. To be honest I've always known honestly is the best policy but was just.trying to look for ways to make it easier.

By the way, no problem with the joke, you need humour.👍

[dbeck128]

When I'm in a very anxious state for weeks, I do find it extremely difficult to take a shower. I get stressed at the thought of having to be alone. The thought of taking one when I'm in that state stresses me out horrible.i know it's just a shower, but to me it's a daunting task when I'm so scared of almost everything. Instead I find it easier to use a wash rag and wash myself without an actual shower. It sounds outlandish I know, but it's what makes it easier for me. and of course use deodorant and stuff. As for my hair I usually use some dry shampoo. Or wash my hair the sink. Maybe some of these tips would help her

[Hidden in reply to dbeck128]

Thank you for your reply and I'm so sorry you get anxious sometimes about being in the shower and alone.

My daughter does use dry shampoo but just seems not worry about any other kind of hygiene. I know I need to speak to her about this but suppose it's harder as I love her so finding it difficult to be direct.

I've had depression before and its awful, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I also suffered with severe Emetophobia (fear of being sick), I had an awful fear ofvtummy bugs going round. I'm so much better now. I know this is going off piste so to speak but have you seen the Thrive Programme(I followed the Programne and had CBT for Emetophobia)? Have a look on their website on the internet, there are videos of people who have successfully followed the Programme and are free of anxiety/depression etc.

Wishing you well xx

[baxie]

Unfortunately this is a part of a lot of mental illness. I do not wash, unless prompted to, and would wear the same clothes day in day out. In my experience it has come to the point where I had to wash, I could not stand the smell anymore, but this can take weeks or months to get to. I would advise to be there for your daughter as usual, but suggest, nicely, she could do with a shower, or ask her if she has any clothes to wash.

It can be embarrassing for the person not washing to be confronted by it, so expect an angry response, but it will stick in her head, it does to me, and I hope, like in my situation, it will sink in enough to make her want to have a shower.

All the best to you and your daughter.

[Hidden in reply to baxie]

Hi baxie

I really appreciate your response and explanation of someone with a mental illness, you're the first person that has explained this to me and advised as to what kind of response I may get. I've written to professionals and one of them even apportioned the blame on me. I know I've maybe not been the best mother at dealing with it but have tried my best. I love my daughter with all my heart but find it hard to show at times.

Please accept my heartfelt thanks for your response.

I really hope that life is kind to you.

Alicia xx

[Beautifulrainbow]

Hello I too suffer from mental health and I'm embarrassed to say I'm like your daughter, it takes alot of effort for me to shower, I don't go out of the house unless I have to, avoid seeing anyone if they visit. And tend to wear the same clothes, but I do have a quick strip wash and that's all my depression will allow. I never use to be like this, but this black hole I'm in is at the bottom and I can't see anyway to the top. So please be patient with your daughter, and one day she may feel her old self again and gain some respect as well, I wish you luck x

[Hidden in reply to Beautifulrainbow]

Thank you so much Beautifulrainbow for being honest, I really do appreciate it. There's nothing to be embarrassed about as you can't help your mental health. Like I've said to baxie above I appreciate the response and its good to know that there are people out there similar to my daughter.

I would like to try and help you and baxie if I may. I had Emetophobia (a fear of being sick), I used to panic every time there was a tummy bug, I'm much better now thanks to following the Thrive Programme and having CBT. Have a look at the Thrive Programme online it's also for mental health.

Once again thank you.

Wishing you all the best xx