Could of asked

[GlutenLadYorkshire]

My parents in law live with us, it’s our home we responsible for paying the mortgage, my parents in law son and wife and kids visited, I have to abide by a strict gluten free diet and mage a gluten free cake, what has pissed me off that he has given it to there kids and then without asking I’m really pissed off but if he would of asked I wouldn’t mind so much, the thing is I cannot eat normal cakes so if I want a bit it’s not there, and another point it’s not his to give away, like most things I don’t mind but I like to be asked another thing is borrowing my iPad he’ll just go on it and not ask if it’s ok please tell me if I’m wrong

[Hidden]

Bally

You need to set limits and stand by them, especially if people are using your private property.

There is nothing wrong if you make a cake you can eat and others can share with you. The problem of course is you are restricted on what you can eat, given that if you make a Gluten Free Cake so it is something you can enjoy that is fine. Generally normal healthy people without your health concern can eat that cake if they prefer to have a standard cake, they purchase it themselves, or they can if paying rent utilize the kitchen and make their own. All very standard. It would be nice if you can agree although here like my family would always place my needs secondary to theirs.

If something is taken without permission that is theft, it is also at least not that considerate and it can mean a lack of respect especially in your own home.

My family was and the remainder still is lacking in respect, we have very little contact with them and I balk at their mention. It is to late for them now to have an understanding of our feelings because all of this has been going on for any decades. Given that you need ground rules, that in my case should have been set a long time ago.

Your Wife should be standing u for your interests in your home or you will be possibly on a hiding for nothing You need respect from all parties in your own home

BOB

[GlutenLadYorkshire in reply to Hidden]

I agree with you completely it making me very resentful.

[FRreedman in reply to GlutenLadYorkshire]

Wow! You really are yet up, aren't you? Firstly calm down, and then listen. I think you need to work out what is really bothering you. It's not the cake, nor the ipad, so what is it? Until you know what is bothering you, you will not be able to sort out this malcontent. It's not really an argument, but more a feeling of frustration. Have you only recently joined households with your in-laws? Do they encroach on your me/us time? Was it an amicable joining or an enforced one? These questions, although not mentioned I your complaint, need to be answered, and truthfully. You may need help with marriage guidance conselling, just to get you over this short episode. Good luck

[GlutenLadYorkshire in reply to FRreedman]

To be honest I don’t want the in-laws last living at my house I don’t particularly like the way they think they own my house, I wish they had more respect by asking for things I’ve told my wife that I’m not happy about the situation but it seems to fall back n death ears I need someone as it’s really dragging me down

[sweetiepye in reply to GlutenLadYorkshire]

Why are your in-laws living with you? Do they have other children they could move in with ? If you seriously want them out then give them a month to find other living arrangements. Your wife will probably be quite angry with you for awhile ,but I doubt she'll give up her marriage for her parents. It's very nice if generations can get along and live together. I don't think you should have to give up a comfortable home life to accommodate them.Pam

[GlutenLadYorkshire in reply to sweetiepye]

It was supposed to make life easier as my wife didn’t drive at the time and I worked away from home but last year I become ill and now don’t currently work it’s a big house but still feel on top of one another, think my wife would rather live with her parents than me, they do have another child but doubt very much they would live there

[FRreedman in reply to GlutenLadYorkshire]

I don't know how big your house is. Is there enough room, for you all, to live separately? I think I would, first of all, try to forget whatever has happened in the recent past. The fact that your in-laws came to stay, when you and your wife needed them, means they certainly care for you.

I think you need to, all, sit down and discuss, without shouting, where you see things heading in the next few years. This may be better done with some outside assistance like a marriage guidance counsellor or relate counsellor. Unfortunately, from afar, it is not possible to mediate or even give much more advice, other than, help is out there, if you just ask for it.

[GlutenLadYorkshire in reply to FRreedman]

It is hard work I suppose it’s me as well I would definitely seek some professional advice

[FRreedman in reply to GlutenLadYorkshire]

Great. Now, do you have a counsellor? or you could ask your GP. Try to get your wife to go with you. You are now on the right path. It may be a long slow ride, but the view at the end will be worth it. Good luck

[GlutenLadYorkshire in reply to FRreedman]

Thanks very much I’m off to see a psychiatrist on Friday so hopefully they can point me in the right direction