I love my son but I can’t live with him ... he’s 21 years old doesn’t work and leaves a trail of destruction behind for e.g I know if he’s been for a shower with his dirty washing and wet towels on floor .... what he’s had to eat as the kitchen worktop is always cluttered with food wrappers dishes even five minutes after clearing away the mess sure enough he’ll have it cluttered over again! He throws his dirty washing in a pile thrown on the hall floor the list is endless ... I’m repeating myself over an over and he sick of hearing me going on so much so he calls me a bitch etc then I get mad for how he speaks to me as if he expects me to take it! I’ve gone on strike and it’s unbearable to live in the mess and only hope I have no visitors and if I’m honest I don’t even like inviting people round as I’m struggling to keep on top of the housework as well as having a full time job! I’ve asked him what will it take for him to help out as he makes out that I’m the problem for bitching at him hence why he doesn’t do anything at home. It’s got to a point where I feel trapped in my own home and have no privacy even if I go away from the home overnight whether that be work or a break away he has party’s knowing I don’t want this in my home and a messy one at that .... it makes me cringe ! I recently purchased a camera for my room for the next time I’m away! I don’t have a lock as in the past he’s busted locks open and now door is wrecked to have another lock put on I’ve told him I want him out but he refuses! And I’ve been too soft to kick him out by getting the police to remove him when he has no where to go but have thought about it every other day .. I know he takes drugs and drink at wkns usually starting on a Thursday right through to a Sunday which I offered help but he doesn’t think he has a problem because he’s happy with his life and likes being the person he is! I’ve even given him a date July 31st to be out so that he can get a job and be prepared for moving out but there’s no sign of him doing anything within this time but I’m serious in sticking with it it’s just mentally draining.... any advice good or bad I’m sure I can take it! Just for the record I’m not the best mum but the way I see it he’s had everything from me including love and I’ve kept him alive this long it’s all down to him now ... but how do I get him out quick and pain free??
Family : I love my son but I can’t live... - Mental Health Sup...
Family
Talk to crisis team or mental health team at the hospital or doctor to see a professional.
Thanks that’s one thing I’ve not yet tried x
You know the only way to get him out quickly is to involve the police, so I'm afraid you might have to do that in the end. Do you have other family members who could help you with him?
Another way is to move - is it possible to do this? x
I’ve been here before where I waited until he was out to put his clothes in a bag sitting in the car for him to collect, locked all doors . He stayed with his grandparents for a few months came back no change 😩. I’ve thought about moving or down sizing so he’d have no choice to find somewhere but house needs work and I need money to do the work before I can sell but thanks for your feed back x
You just described my son. At the beginning, I thought it was my fault for spoiling him and for not being a good mum. Then I tried everything, including boundaries, talking, negotiating, reading hundreds of books and articles, asking how can I make it easier for him to cooperate, giving him ultimatums, talking to his doctor, seeking advice from other mothers. Nothing worked. He was on drugs too but unwilling to admit the gravity of his mental mess. Being my only child and having nowhere else to go, I gave up on him and on myself; I became real sick from gastrointestinal hemorrhages due to extreme stress, depression, anxiety. You name it. My favorite way to live has been in a super organized home furnished with antiques in eclectic bohemian style surrounded by beautiful meaningful things that I collected in my life’s journey. My son has destroyed everything. Doors broken, floors and carpets burned, walls punched and soiled, window glass broken, food wrappings and dirty dishes in the most unexpected places all over nooks and crannies, wet bathroom towels thrown on loveseats, floors, and his bed. How could he sleep in a wet bed was beyond my comprehension. HE WAS ON DRUGS day and night. He started hallucinating and kept me up all night with his psychotic episodes, his screams or scary uncontrollable laughter, his accusations and finally his threats . I called the police several times as a cry for help. Finally, they caught him riding around town with drugs and paraphernalia and he was arrested. Did I solve my problem? Only temporarily. He will get released in 2 months and he’ll come back doing the same. I have no idea what I’ll do next. Thanks for sharing your story and forgive me if I tired you with my issues without giving you any good advice. Please know that you are not alone.
Don't whatever you do let him come back to live with you please. You have done your job and gone way above and beyond the call of duty, and you have no obligation to let him return and ruin the rest of your life. Tell the authorities this and maybe they can find him a place to stay.
Change the locks, and perhaps you could move? Can you get other family members or friends to help? x
Thank you for thinking of my situation. Yes, I have his dad who is supposed me all the way. Hope dies last so I have this glimmer of hope that he will different this time...
Hopefully. Why not make him prove he has changed before you let him back home? If after a few months you are convinced he has then you can let him back with some provisos.x
That’s exactly how I feel that I have to take blame as I spoilt him when he was growing up but now I think and hope that getting him out to stand on his own two feet will benefit him and hope he’ll thank me one day ... thanks for your story and letting me know I’m not alone😉 and I only hope that things will work out for you too xx
Hi Tuttutt, firstly sorry to hear your having real problems with your son, and I can imagine he is hell to live with, from what I've just read you being a single mum like me, we try to compansate for not having a partner around and we give them as much love as we can. But unfortunately in your case it has back fired because he has become disrespectful towards you and your needs. My son was like that for awhile where he'd leave wet towels on the bathroom floor, clothes all around the house, he'd just leave a trowel where ever he went, so after numerous times in asking to pick them up, and he'd always say yes in a minute, so in the end I'd start by putting them on the floor in his room, and then they would end up in the garden, and eventually the dust bin, whether they were he old gear or best gear I didn't because he oviously didn't either, but after a, while he soon learnt that I wasnt going to put up with it anymore. We have to be cruel to be kind sometimes and think about our selfes. So if you've given him an exact date to leave, inform the police of your intentions and make sure their there to excort him of your premises and change your locks. I'm sure if he can party when your away he should have plenty of friends that he can crash down with, and mess there place up, like they've messed yours up when he party's. I wish you the best of luck, because I know how hard this is for you. Sorry for long post. X
No thank you for your advice it’s much appreciated
July is a long way from now especially when your dealing with him overrunning you and your home. After a point, you just can’t take it any longer. He obviously has friends, they are supplying him with drugs and ways to party or he’s making money somehow, let one of those friends put up with him.
I’d put cameras up outside and in the house, replace the locks and dare him to try to break in. I wouldn’t hesitate to call the police.
I know July isn’t coming fast enough but I’ve got to do it for both of our sakes ! It’s just that you never stop worrying and one of the hardest decisions to make! Thank you for your response, much appreciated x
Sorry y and if you are having a rough time
It seems He has outstayed His Welcome
What you could do if you are worried regards Drugs in your home, His attitude is threatening and you are frightened to kick him out talk to the police, I would feel unsettled and concerned regards attitude, threats drugs call the police and get Him kicked out, there are Hostels He can stay in and get dried out
BOB
Hey there!! I am glad I read your post today. I too have a 21 year old son, who one minute is showing signs of being an adult and then lets me down with the same sort of behaviour you are experiencing. I too am a single mother and also work full-time in a very stressful environment. Every day I go home and have to clear up after Stig of the Dump's brother!! I have told him that I am not the hired help nor his personal cleaner. If I had wanted a job after working hours as a cleaner I would have found one because at least that way I would get paid for it!! Thats what it feels like, that I am an after work cleaner but there are no wages involved.
I told him 2 nights ago that I was not doing this anymore and that he needed to start screwing the nut. He sent me a text message to my work yesterday actually telling me that he had made a mess in the kitchen and that I was to just leave it and he would get it later. He KNOWS i cannot abide mess and knew that I would clean it up. Which I did!! But then was so pissed off I just went to bed. I told him I would be doing the shopping last night then I was going to treat us to a Chinese. This didnt happen. He got nothing........ but so did I!!!
I will be doing the same thing tonight. I am just ready to go home
How are you getting on? I was just searching posts for difficult relationships with sons and found yours. So nice to know I’m not alone...but also awful to know that others are going through it too! I hope things are better?
Does anyone have a family member who keeps depending on you for money? 
Break Up
I’m driving myself mad
Don’t know what to feel.
Trying to start over *trigger warning*
