Shut down *DONT READ IF EASILY TRIGGERED*

[Malumaf]

So I have trust issues with friends because a few years ago I had someone who I thought would never let me down abandon and crush me and it hurt me to the point I got suicidal and last night the only other friend I still had trust in let me down in a huge way and showed me that tattoos and fast food are more important than me and it just caused me to just like breakdown and eventually shut down and go numb and get really calm and like rational but not because I was rationalizing hurting myself in some way and when I finally snapped out of it I had to make an emergency appointment with my therapist (I just wanna say I am safe and okay and have no plans to hurt myself and no longer want to) but I just like don’t know how to cope right now

[MariaLove123]

So many people relate to trust issues with friends. My advice that I tell everyone is that it’s okay to get rid of friends who aren’t supportive and loving. It’s okay to have just a few very good friends. I can promise you, once you’re free of these people and create real friendships with others, you’ll feel a huge release. I struggle a lot with so many things, but that’s one thing I’m really proud of myself for conquering. I was strong enough to let people go and not settle for people who aren’t good for me :)))

[Malumaf in reply to MariaLove123]

Do you have any advice on who to let go? Like where do I draw the line between let me down once or just isn’t worth the time anymore

[MariaLove123 in reply to Malumaf]

That’s a tough question. It depends on what they are doing or not doing. For me, I remove people that always talk about their problems, but are not there for me when I need to talk. One or two times is ok if they have an excuse and are very apologetic but if it feels like a one way street all the time, that’s not fair. If the friendship doesn’t feel like it’s going both ways (give and take) then buh bye!

[Stilltrying_]

I found friends moving away from me when I was depressed. I think they couldn't cope so if you are depressed this could be part of their reaction. Not your fault at all but just to say some people find the situation a great pressure and in order to defend themselves from this they become distant from us.

I agree with Marialove but also I understand your difficulty. ie when to say "enough is enough" with someone. I would say if it is one incident then I would let it go. I would also consider the impact my illness has on others and how hard it can be for them. If it is several incidents then maybe they are not able to be friends with you. I just want to reitterate that anxiety and depression do not mean in any way shape or form that we are bad people or that we can "do more" to control it ( as was often said to me and was false; I was doing everything I could already to control it and they were seeing the "edited version" of it anyway). The point i'm making is that sometimes it can be hard going for others to deal with us. I don't know if this is what is happening with you . Feeing depressed can also affect the way you see a friend not responding to you. You can feel like it is a big betrayal (because of how needy you are) whereas they may not be thinking like this. That is not to invalidate your feelings though as your feelings are very valid; but we can exaggerate all negativity and see people's motives as worse than they actually are. None of this is "your fault" though or something else to blame yourself over.

I am glad you are in therapy and that is a good place to go to share and examine your feelings about this. Keep it in mind though that you were not abandoned because you are bad. It could be that other person is immature or something like that or they may suffer from mental health problems themselves ( as if we are "in the system" this is who we meet and we continually meet people with "issues" which can actually sometimes make things harder for us) and it may be better for you to seek out different friends.

Sending warm wishes, gemmalouise xxx

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They will listen and if needed can arrange various types of support and understanding

BOB

[hypercat54]

Hi I understand what you are saying but I think it's a big ask expecting anyone to be there for you 24/7 and never let you down. We are all human and we are all thoughtless sometimes. I expect you are too. Maybe the fast food and tattoo temporarily meant more to your friend than you did for reasons you aren't aware of? Maybe they needed to put themselves first for a change?

Whatever, they sound like a very good friend so I would think twice before letting them go. x

[Malumaf]

Just more of a clarification, her and I had a joint gym membership together for a discount and I was taking it seriously and seriously progressing mentally and physically and she wasn’t and just wanted it to say she had it and randomly she cancelled our stuff and now I need to repay the enrollment fee and first month and won’t get the discount