The master manipulator called

[Cat_cat44]

So the ex called a few hours ago, if you read my previous post, it explains what happened. I put him on speakerphone and allowed my daughter to give him a piece of her mind too because he needed to be exposed. He was speechless, all he could say is why is she involved in our converstation. Not an “i’m sorry” to her, or anything. What an evil person. I asked why did he lie about paying me back? Of course I heard nothing but lies, gaslighting and manipulation. Thats what he does best. He claims he’ll give it to me in an envelope next friday. I’m not gonna hold my breath. I was very angry, hurt, hostile and used bad language to him. Then I had to hang up on him because he started with the manipulation to twist it around like I was the problem. I was mad at myself for my behavior because I allowed myself to stoop to his level. But it comes from a place or hurt, trauma, anger, and whatever other emotions one could have. I miss who I thought he was and I’m envious because I heard a rumor that he has all these women jumping in and out his bed right now. And as I said before Im sure while we were together as well. That makes me feel, as a woman, as if I wasn’t good enough. I gotta trust and believe that although I had my faults, his actions are NOT my fault.

[Krazie]

Of course, it isn't your fault. He presented you with a fairy tale, that could never be true, at least not from him. Guys like this instinctively know what to say, and how to say it, to get your trust and belief. It was impossible for him to show his true self, in the beginning, because you would have hitched up your skirts, and ran. He , however was unable to prevent his true self from showing. Now you know. Just a cad, not worth a nickle in the street. Sure you miss the person he presented to you, in the beginning. That is the sort of guy you want in your life. But it was just an illusion. Any and every woman can fall for the charms of a predator. And a predator they are; out to steal the hearts of women so they can take advantage.

Maybe, for your own well being, it would be best to cut your losses on the money, and him. He will never make you feel good again; will only bring strife and heartache. Who needs that? Every second spent on him will be a second lost that could have been spent on someone who deserves your attention.

When you are healed enough to go back out, consider the places you go. Being introduced to someone a friend knows, is safer than going to a bar. If you have any hobbies, look for groups that meet, who are interested in similar things. There are lots of gathering places for people your age. Look for them.

You are so pretty. You deserve to have real love, and contentment in your life.

Best wishes to you, and to your daughter.

[Cat_cat44 in reply to Krazie]

Thank you so much Krazie. Believe it or not, im sad right now. I need alot of help. First with love. I don’t know what that feels like. I only know what it looks like. It starts with your parents/ guardian. Well my Mom did her best but she died when I was 22. Her and my Dad seperated when I was 10 then divorced. I didnt see much affection between the two and I know my Dad had multiple affairs. One is whom he’s been with for 28 years now. Fast forward to me, a year shy of 40, I don’t know what love feels like from a man either. My marriage failed, we are just living under the same roof because I couldn’t take care of me & my daughter financially when we moved out. Unfortuanately, the first guy I let get close to me in front of my daughter was this manipulator.

I don’t want my daughter to grow up and think this is normal marriage and normal relationships. I did have the opportunity to grow up and see alot of good men and marriages in my family but my daughter unfortunately haven’t as much. Yes I don’t expect to received anything from him but it still was a relationship no matter how messed up it was, and it failed.

[Hidden in reply to Cat_cat44]

You need to be selective with your decisions and outlook in Life. We both have been together for forty years, strange to say my Wife was born here and moved south for a time. She returned and we met for the first time. Looking back then her family were known to some of my family although our relationship was not arranged in any way. We met in a dating agency.

We decided to always tell the truth and stand up for each other when we had been troubled by others. We never would lend money to each other in those days, borrowing or lending money can be a real killer in a relationship. In fact since marriage my Wife looks after all finance and I only get money if required.

When you meet someone who seems to be the one We found we never shut up talking, that has never changed we still chatter away, this and being truthful make a relationship, you begin to anticipate problems before they happen on occasions we find that we can tell how the other is thinking before a discussion. This helps in preventing errors or false purchases

In your relationship it would seem only your Partner talked, therefore could massage your feelings of truth, with deception towards you and daughter. Personally the money owed to you is being used as a tool to control you. You need to move on and become independent of this person. Learn and move on. It sounds like you have been used. It is up to you not to make anymore of these errors, in a way you have been wrong to allow a manipulator into your life.

Consider where you pick up your next puppy, be selective, sometimes a Mongrel can be a better bet in a relationship, they can be more honest, truthful and loving

[Cat_cat44 in reply to Hidden]

That’s great you found a lifelong partner, if only I was that lucky! Maybe in time but I have serious issues to work within myself before I will select anyone else. I can’t lie I did ignore the red flags so yup this is why I’m here. I don’t need to keep reminding I’m just here for support. I’m not worried about the money bc I already excepted that its a lost cost I only answered the call to expose him for the a**hole he is. I’m moving forward im not looking back. And no I will not chose a Mongrel in the future lol im sure neither is your wife

[Hidden in reply to Cat_cat44]

I wish you luck, you need to chat we are here

BOB

[krazeeartist]

Where_is_normal, I don't know if you read the Bible, or would want to, but if you are looking for what love is, try reading the book of 1 Corinthians Chapter 13.

You WILL find love again, but it is a journey, and you will get hurt many times over, but stay the course, KNOW what you want out of a relationship, and be open, because the man of your dreams IS out there.