Lost: I don’t know if I want to die. I... - Mental Health Sup...

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I don’t know if I want to die. I just want the pain to stop. The anxiety. Feeling like a burden. Like I can’t do anything right. I want it all to stop. But it doesn’t. I know my children deserve a better mother. I know my fiancé deserves a better spouse. I feel like everyone would be better off without me. I feel like a burden. I talked to other guys off and on during my relationship but when I started counseling six months ago, I haven’t talked to any guys since. I don’t even want to. I regret everything bad I’ve done to him. And now my relationship with him is ruined because of me. I can’t fix things. I’ve tried. I’ve told my doctor my symptoms and thoughts, they seem to brush it off. I am tired of pretending I’m okay. I wish so badly I could go on leave at work but I can’t afford it. Everything is just becoming too much for me to handle. I don’t know what to do.

4 Replies

Breathe. Download or go onto youtube and look for guided meditation. Clear your head and calm your thoughts. We are not superwomen, we can only try our best and learn from our mistakes. Show your kids that its ok not to be perfect, nobody is. You dont have to pretend to be ok but you do have to work towards healing yourself. The guided meditation helped me with my running mind, it teaches you that worrying has no benefit. It is best to let it off your chest. Another idea is to write a letter to someone but dont send it. Putting it on paper is kind of like taking it out of y ou r head and putting it there. Might let you Breathe a bit. Talking to us on here will help or maybe calling someone that you trust.

You do not mention if you are on any medication and still having treatment.

Reading your script I am at a loss with your explanations. Make an appointment with your GP and explain how you are feeling.

If you feel at severe risk contact NHS HELPLINE on Tel 111 and explain how bad you feel, they can arrange a visit from a Crisis Team if needed.

Also contact your Therapist, they will assess your situation and try and arrange assistance

Have you been taught MINDFULNESS Relaxation Technique, if so that may help you relax and control breathing.

Suicide is not worth considering, I tried about ten years ago and was brought back by a Hospital A and E Department, I would prefer not to go through all that again.

The main problem is after an attempt family members and Partners have difficulties getting over their loss. If you do survive family members and friends will never trust you again, they will be angry they never read the signs of you illness and they will never be able to trust again. My medications are given when needed and hidden from me at other times.

It is all a no no.


Hello sgg96,

Welcome to our community! :-) As you have begun to see folks here are very supportive and willing to share from their experiences. Ploramicas has given you some great advice. Take time to familiarise yourself with our website. Check out the Pinned Posts section where you can download free mental health guides, and also keep our international crisis support helpline handy.

You are obviously struggling at the moment. The pain will stop eventually, there will be light at the end of that dark tunnel. But you need to get professional medical help, and also try and get into therapy. You can't fight these feelings and thoughts on your own, you need help. Speak to another doctor in your practice that might be more empathic and listen to you. Consider another type of talking therapy, as there is a range of different types of therapy that may suit you better. Can you talk to fiance about how you are feeling, or maybe have couple's counselling together? It is important to be able to share with each other the difficult feelings as well as the good ones, it's what builds a stronger relationship.

Keep in touch.

Best wishes,

MAS Nurse

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