Totally new to this but came across the site when looking for info on the net. I've hit a wall in my life where I feel like I can't see a future, I don't know who I am anymore and I just can't be bothered with life.
I have lead a sober lifestyle for 11 months, I wouldnt say I drank often, it was more blow outs from about 4 years ago. Have 1 drink which would lead onto 10 followed by 20 fags and what ever recreational drugs I could get my hands on, never sleeping for a day or 2. So a very expensive time and also the comedowns made me feel suicidal and like I would never get through them. Altho the next day things were managaeble. So made the decision to try and change my lifestyle. In doing so I feel like my feelings are so RAW now and I don't know who I am anymore. Where I fit in exactly.
I would say the thing getting to me the most atm is my relationship. I often feel jealous of my partner and his life, his friends, his family, his support group, his confidence, everything about him. The fact his always happy and everyone likes him. I always feel down, anxious, worried, upset, hormonal, annoyed, indecisive, depressed, lost not flipping sure of what I WANT. I would love to be more like him and recently just being in his company gets in my nerves because it highlights how crap I feel about myself (if that makes sense!?!)
The past year has been so hard. I feel like I'm getting more and more depressed as time goes by. Just want to offload that. I always feel like a horrible person for having these feelings and thoughts and such a burden to people. I just want to be alone and hide away.