Feeling like a lost soul

[Zs1k4]

Hi everyone

Totally new to this but came across the site when looking for info on the net. I've hit a wall in my life where I feel like I can't see a future, I don't know who I am anymore and I just can't be bothered with life.

I have lead a sober lifestyle for 11 months, I wouldnt say I drank often, it was more blow outs from about 4 years ago. Have 1 drink which would lead onto 10 followed by 20 fags and what ever recreational drugs I could get my hands on, never sleeping for a day or 2. So a very expensive time and also the comedowns made me feel suicidal and like I would never get through them. Altho the next day things were managaeble. So made the decision to try and change my lifestyle. In doing so I feel like my feelings are so RAW now and I don't know who I am anymore. Where I fit in exactly.

I would say the thing getting to me the most atm is my relationship. I often feel jealous of my partner and his life, his friends, his family, his support group, his confidence, everything about him. The fact his always happy and everyone likes him. I always feel down, anxious, worried, upset, hormonal, annoyed, indecisive, depressed, lost not flipping sure of what I WANT. I would love to be more like him and recently just being in his company gets in my nerves because it highlights how crap I feel about myself (if that makes sense!?!)

The past year has been so hard. I feel like I'm getting more and more depressed as time goes by. Just want to offload that. I always feel like a horrible person for having these feelings and thoughts and such a burden to people. I just want to be alone and hide away.

[Hidden]

Hi!!

I feel like I’m looking into my life a few years ago! I felt what you were feeling when I was dating someone like that.

First off, depression sucks, and kudos to you for dealing with it in a healthier way. It feels so isolating when the people around you don’t know what you’re going through because their life seems so happy happy happy.

you’re not alone, and you’re not a horrible person<3 I definitely feel for you right now, and maybe take a second to take a step to focus on you for a second. What are you doing to take care of yourself? What are some things that help you feel more whole/happy/just better?

If you’re not sure, find out. Look at what supports you, and do more of the things that you know help you mentally/emotionally/physically. For me it was cooking. And writing realllly bad poetry. And reading! And yoga! I’m boring lol but it helped make me feel more sane.

When you start getting annoyed at your partner, how do you channel your irritation? Does he know what you’re going through? Do you feel supported by him?

i’m not a therapist lol I just know my own experience, and I hope some of that kind of helps<3 feel better soon <3

[Zs1k4 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for the reply.

So I do try to as much as I can work on myself. I enjoy going gym, running and cycling. To keep me on the straight and narrow with the sobriety I have done some sporting events, running, cycling etc and have entered a half marathan for next year.

Sounds like I have it figured out right? Well when I'm at my low it doesn't. I can't see the positives I've acheived I focus on the negative and my partner understands what I go thru I openly speak to him about my feelings and he is very supportive. I admit I do sometimes push him away because if you don't see certain things you won't feel them?

[Hidden in reply to Zs1k4]

Hey Zs1k4,

<3 you’re trying your best! You’re actively working on yourself and that’s amazing<3

How long have you been training for your marathon?

I feel the same way sometimes with family.

You said your partner is supportive and understanding, and I’m glad that they are trying. I’ve asked multiple times from my Mom to help me find a therapist, and that I need some mental health help, but it feels like she has amnesia and just forgets that I’m going through some stuff. And I feel a lot of resentment towards her for not believing in therapy, but that’s my problem lol.

Our support system sometimes has their own limitations. And that’s hard to accept. Sometimes they can only give “this much.”

I feel like the space you give him when you are feeling those things isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s ok to take care of yourself for a little bit, and come back with a new/refreshed outlook.

This might sound silly, but do you journal? It’s not for everyone, but I read somewhere that writing down all the things we like about ourselves/skills/achievements is a good list to write out and have around. It feels kind of self-indulgent, but in those moments you’re grasping to stay above water, pull that list out and read it. Maybe it could help. Maybe it’s dumb. Or try something new that you can always go to when you’re feeling those low low moments. I made a “Mood Booster,” playlist on my Youtube to go to when I feel down. Sometimes it doesn’t help because I’Ve seen the videos so manyyy times, but finding your own unique way of coping is something that is tailor made for you. I hope that you find more balance within yourself soon<3

[Rick1on1]

Hi,

I think you are using your partner as a mirror which is unfair on both of you. Because you are different individuals, you are at different junctions in your life. How long have you been together? Also, ask yourself the question - Why are you with him?

I am glad you are not getting high anymore as that is the worst you can do for your Depression. Are you eating well and getting some exercise?

Are you on medication?

Be careful about listening to your inner voice - it is being manipulated by your Depression - so be careful before doing anything rash.

[Zs1k4 in reply to Rick1on1]

Hi thanks for the reply. So I've been with my partner for 3 years. I'm with him because I do love him. His my best friend. I do eat well and exercise is my only hobby really. I do a lot of it lol.

I'm not on meds. I haven't been diagnosed with depression. I'm too worried to do to the doctors and tell them some things because I know they will just stick me on meds possibly? Worried about the dependency. I have had several therapy sessions that focuses more on anxiety and worry. Which is helpful but sometimes I think I have another mental health issue going on like split personality or bi polar I dunno. I'm up then I'm down, I'm positive then I'm the opposite.

[Hidden]

Hello Welcome.

When it comes to friends or partners, if we are low we look on Partners Lives sometimes as better than our own. The problem is, you may never learn the truth regards their relationship until you Walk in the other persons shoes. It can be difficult to relate to others Lives.

You do not really say what has caused this problem, to know the reason for your illness will help you move on. Given that it may be a good idea to see your GP and explain what is happening. Depression and Anxiety can make us very insular, preferring not to become involved with your Peers, also family. This problem needs to be addressed so you can move on

We are generally around to help, also support when needed.

Talk to your GP,

BOB

[WeightWarrior]

Hi there. Please don't let things go for too long before you ask for some help. If you have time, I'd recommend watching at least the first ten minutes of this BBC documentary. I found the whole thing interesting, but the first ten minutes, the studies of the brain, helped me to see my depression as an actual illness and feel less guilty, less inadequate because I "couldn't cope with life". It explained the "Why?". It also helped me when dealing with family who thought I should just "snap out of it" etc. Don't be afraid to seek help, and don't be afraid of medication. It can be a crutch to help you move further along the road towards wellness, rather than falling deeper into the pit of illness. I wish you all the best.

youtu.be/gwK237lHhhE(Not working as expected?)