Mental Health Support

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Trigger Warning Feeling suicidal

Hello

Not exactly sure what to say or how to say it but I feel I have no other option but to express myself with others that maybe feeling the same as me I’m feeling very suicidal and I can’t seem to shift these feelings from my head, I constantly feel like I’m a let down and I feel like everyone would simply be better off with out me, yes they would be sad at first but after a while they would just forget me. I know it may seem selfish or a cowards way out but I can’t think of any other way. I don’t want to live this life anymore I’m struggling to get by on a normal day to day basis. I’m a failure i can’t seem to keep a relationship, I also have children but I can’t help that my children would be better of with out me aswell regardless what ppl say.. ‘ur children need u etc etc’ Almost seems like that isn’t enough to stop me feeling this way. I’m constantly stressed out always in a mood, I hate myself and I hate my life

23 Replies

oldest • newest

Hidden

Hello saraleee

Even tho i can't relate to having children yet im currently pregnant with my first child i can relate to having the suicidal feelings that you are going through may i ask are you on any antidepressants ??what i will say is you need to reach out and get some help from your gp and close friends even writing down how you feel if you dont feel like talking will help as they will see how you feel and help you out.

I took an overdose last year that could of killed me homecare treatment team came round without me knowing and got me to a hosp in time the regret you feel when you wake up and are still alive is annoying but the hurt that you feel putting ur family through that is a hundred times worse i remember my husband phoning my mum up and telling her what i had done caused my mum to screech like an animal he said she was so upset and when they came to the hosp they wanted to know why i did what i did as it didnt make sense to them and i told them the exact same thing youve just said to me now it feels like i could of written this. I also spent 5 days in a psych ward afterwards

Thanks for reaching out on here and stay strong but please book yourself an app asap and get help thats the only way these negative thoughts will die down and go away sometimes it takes a while to find the right antidepressants as well so persevere and take your time but im always here if you want or need to talk sometimes reaching out to people you dont know helps too

Also dying is a fix to a temporary solution ... you can get there and you will but it will take time hang in there. Depression is a bitch but you can overcome it with help x

Take care of yourself n your kids xx

Saraleeee

in reply to Hidden

Hey

Thank you for your message it was really nice of you to say those things considering you don’t know me. I appreciate all the things u have said and suggested, iv been to the gp many times over the years but I feel they don’t really help you, iv also been on antidepressants a few years ago but not recently. I just didn’t want to end up in that cycle of having to rely on a pill to make me brain work normal

Iv google all the possible ways to commit suicide looked up the easiest and painlesss way to die iv even gone to the extreme of looking up how to end mine and my children’s life because I didn’t want to leave them behind 😢 what kinda of a mother does that make me how could I have those thoughts and feeling for my children I brought in to this world that are totally Inicent to this. They deserve better they really do they deserve someone who can give them everything. I’m sorry I really shouldnt be writing all of this but I just needed to tell someone how I felt. Probably not what u want to head when ur carrying a beautiful little one. I love my children with all my heart don’t get me wrong.

Thank you honestly thank you and I wish you all the best with the rest of ur pregnant too xxx

Hidden

in reply to Saraleeee

For people with depression we have a chemical inbalance in our brain and its not our fault so what if u need a pill to function so do most people for one ailment or another. No its absolutely fine you sound like your a brilliant mum and you care about your kids and they do need you in their lives regardless of how you feel right now you will get past these horrible feelings and live on and when you look back you will realise how far you have come. Looking up ways to die IS a cry for help believe me bless ya i wish i could just give you a hug and tell you it will be ok we all go through these feelings in one way or another but keep reaching out we are here to listen and help in anyway we can xx

Thank u so much too only just over 9 weeks to go eeekk stay strong and message me anytime if you need to 😀 xx

borderriever

Hello Saraleee

We do not know if you are living in the UK or somewhere else. If you are in the UK it is important you get some form of support

If you are feeling so low I would advise you contact NHS INFORMATION SERVICE Tel 111

They will assess your needs and they can call the Crisis Team to help you in your difficult time.

We do not know the reasons for these negative thoughts, to talk sometimes can help and members here are around to help if that is needed.

Your Children need their Mother, I always feel sad we had no children, so I feel you are very lucky you have them. If their Father is with you or not, you still have family around you and hopefully you have relative who will also help. If your children were to loose you that would really mess them up as they begin to understand their loss

On Monday at least talk to your GP and make an appointment, give the Practice some time to help you and your family.

BOB

Saraleeee

in reply to borderriever

Hello

That last bit of your meaaage literlly juat made me break down your absolutely right my children do need me and I want to get better I just don’t know how I feel the worse I have ever felt in my life. But I promise to contact the gp and I guess go from there

Thank you for ur kind worlds x

borderriever

in reply to Saraleeee

I am generally around throughout the day if needed, you want to talk I will get back to you. If you become frightened or hopeless please us the telephone number above they can really help if need be,

Your GP is always there for you and can also arrange help if needed. The telephone number is twenty four/seven

BOB

Saraleeee

in reply to borderriever

Thank you x

Gambit62

This post may help you understand how negative through processes work and give you some ideas for breaking the cycle you are in

healthunlocked.com/couchtob...

Saraleeee

in reply to Gambit62

Thank you

Hidden

I’m on this forum because my mum committed suicide when i was 15. I suffer because I miss her everyday, I’m 34 now. I suffer because I can’t understand why I wasn’t enough to keep her alive. Why I couldn’t make her happy. Why I wasn’t worth staying alive for. I think back to things I said as a shitty teen and think, was that the push she needed My brother was 11 and he too still suffers. Graduating, Getting married, having my first child were all tainted because my mum wasn’t there. Do not think for one millisecond that you will be forgotten and the pain will subside because the absolute opposite is true. We weren’t better off without her. It left years of emotional trauma and grief. What I wouldn’t give for five minutes with my mum. I wouldn’t question why she did it, I would just want a cuddle that only your mum can give. I miss her every single day. Please please please go speak to someone. Anyone. Give the Samaritans a call, release every last ounce of feelings and emotion and let them put you on a path to recovery. nhs.uk/conditions/suicide/

And remember, your children love you more than you will ever know. To them, you are their everything. You are loved, you are appreciated, you are admired, you are amazing x

Saraleeee

Hi bexicles

You know what iv literlly just woken up and come straight here to read this message and this message I’m parficualr has had me in tears I’m crying as I’m growing this, really only for the simple fact is it wa alike u was telling me my life I’m uears to come. I have a 15 and a 12 year old, ans I don’t have a great relationship with the 15 year old at all and now he’s at the age where he’s doing things he shouldn’t be doing, u know typical teenage things, I know they all go through it. It was almost so soreal what you have said

I’m really sorry for your loss and I’m sure it was never anything to do with you or your brother. Us mums really do go through a lot in life and I guess taking your own life really is a last option. Iv tried so many time and over the years to snap out of the way I feel, I used to be scared of dying I used to be petrified, but now ... I’m not scared at all I’m not scared to die the only thing I’m scared of is leaving my children behind I already feel like a failure to them and if I leave them they will always hate me and I don’t want that.

I really appreciate your kind words I felt them as I read them, I meant a lot to me thank you. X

Saraleeee

Sorry iv made a few mistakes there hope you can figure out what iv said 🙈

Hidden

in reply to Saraleeee

I did and I hope i’ve made you see how worthy you are even just a little bit. They do not think you are a failure, they need you and want you. You are a loved and wanted lady. Like you say teenagers are just really shitty at showing it. In fact, I think teenagers need their mums the most . Reading your posts have helped me too. It helps me understand how she probably felt at the time. But there are so many exciting things you have to look forward to that my mum didn’t get to experience. I know she would of loved spoiling her grandkids! And helping me with my garden and shopping for a wedding dress.

Your right, us mums are driven up the wall! I have a 16 month old and a 4 month old!! I’m dreading teenager years! 😂 try and get some time to yourself so you can relax and recoup a bit. You’re doing incredible, and being amazingly strong. Xx

Saraleeee

in reply to Hidden

Thank you again and after reading ur message it did make me feel a little more worthy I know iv got a long way to go tho.

And u are right about the teenager part lol iv got a lot to look forward to and a lot to dred lol.

I really feel for u I can’t help but really relate to u although my mum is still alive I feel like ur situation is the same as mine If you know what I mean.

Again I’m so happy you messaged me I have made slot of difference just from your short meaaages. Xx

Hidden

in reply to Saraleeee

I’m happy I messaged you too. 😊 I’ve never been brave enough Ho post my story.,Thank you for taking the time to read my replies. Keep in touch and keep us posted on how you’re getting on please. Reaching out to talk is the best thing! Sorry for any typos, I’m currently trying to feed breakfast to a very upset toddler who has two molars breaking through bless her. There is porridge everywhere! I’m sure you remember those days! 😂

MAS_Nurse

Hello Saraleeee,

Welcome to our supportive community. Well done for taking a brave step out of your comfort zone to reach out for help. As you have begun to find folks here are only too willing to come alongside you and share from their personal journeys and experiences. You are obviously having a difficult time right now, but I do agree with the great advice and support the other members have given to you. Well done everyone, you are, as ever, AMAZING! Be strong and ask for help from your medical professionals, there's a whole range of therapies that can help you. As BOB has said if you live in the UK call 999/111 for urgent medical/mental health support from a Crisis team. Please hold on and do not give up hope. Your life has meaning and is valuable. Your children need you, you mean the world to them, and without you, they would struggle for the rest of their lives trying to come to terms with why you left them.

Do be aware that because this is an anonymous community and your situation right now looks serious, and we take seriously everything you say. Anonymous advice in this acute situation can make things worse, not better, and can also be a risk to other members of the community who may themselves be feeling quite vulnerable. This forum is no substitute for professional medical advice, no matter how well-meaning. It is helpful for any future posts of this nature that you add to your post title **Trigger warning**. We use this prefix in order to warn and respect other users that the content may cause some folks here who like you are in a vulnerable place, to avoid your post, so I will edit and add this to your post on this occasion.

If there is no one at hand you can contact:

International Crisis Support Helplines:healthunlocked.com/mental-h...

Or if you live in the UK:

The Samaritans Tel: 116 123 [24 hours line]

NHS: 999 [Emergencies]

NHS 111 [Non-Emergencies]

MIND UK charity: Helpline Tel: 0300 123 3393 info@mind.org.uk Text: 86463 mind.org.uk/information-sup...

SANEline Tel: 0300 304 7000 [4.30pm – 10.30pm daily]

sane.org.uk/

Stay safe and take care,

Best wishes,

MAS Nurse

Saraleeee

in reply to MAS_Nurse

Thank you so much xx

20Voices

Hi Saraleeee,

You have some really good advise here and you are not allow.

I feel your pain with regards to relationships. In truth I did feel.like what was the point to me being here as I was unable to have kids then my ex couldn't even admit that he was having an affair. Apparently her problems were worse than mine, so he's rather be with her.

Anyway I have learned in the past 3 years to live myself and become a better person for me and my family and not anyone else.

I am still looking for that elusive job where people are honest with you, but it just seems acceptable these days got supervisors and managers to just bend the truth to suit themselves and that you are the one who.is in the wrong.

I hope you take the advise given. Seek help to learn relaxation techniques and ways to improve your confidence and just know that it will.take time and possibly a few set backs but you will get there. Trust in you and trust is a happier mire successful you and it will happen.

Take care

20voices. Xx

Saraleeee

in reply to 20Voices

Thank you so much for your message really means a lot

I m trying and I’m going to try and do what I’m advised to do I have no other options I guess

I’m sorry to hear about your situation I hope u can resolve it take care also xxx

Hidden

Hiya Saraleeee, I think you know already from the replies that there are people here, from across the world, who care about you and want to reassure you that you are not alone. We are all connected. Help is available and we all need help and support at some stage of our lives. Your life and your happiness are very, very important. You matter, a lot. Take care,

Saraleeee

Thank you .( I really appreciate the kinda words x

Sarah1111111Ambassador

Hi how are you feeling now? Did you manage to get some help from your gp or elsewhere. I really hope that you have and that you are starting you journey to recovery. It may be a long road ahead of you but when we all get there it will be worth it. Keep strong and hold onto the love of your children even if at the moment you can’t feel it xxx