Break Up

So after several years of issues, and the last few weeks debating what to do... I ended my relationship with my fiancé. Despite knowing I deserve better, and despite thinking about nothing else for several weeks, none of that has made it any easier. I have never felt pain like it. Even after everything he has put me through I can’t seem to take it all in. I feel like I have lost absolutely everything and that everyone around me is carrying on as normal and I’m just stuck. It took me 2 days to even get out of bed, yet he’s gone to work, gone to the gym and even gone to the pub? I just don’t understand. He said he never wanted to lose me, I gave him chance after chance, yet he never showed me I was what he wanted until it was too late. I can physically feel my heart broken, I feel sick constantly. I don’t think I can carry on like this. I have no idea what I’m supposed to do without him.

11 Replies

  • Hello scarsbeneathyourbeautiful

    Thank you for your post, it sounds as if life is not good for you at the present.

    This is a supportive community, so our members may be able to offer more help and information.

    You could tell us more about your issues of the previous years.

    You may want to confide in a family member of friend about your situation. Your doctor might also be able to offer you more help or support.

    There is a list of crisis support helplines in the pinned posts to the right of this message.

    You could also contact The MIND organisation

    Do keep in touch and take care

    Best wishes

  • Thank you for the suggestions, they’re very helpful right now. I feel lost but also now so angry. Not sure how I will cope but I appreciate this message.

    Thank you

  • Break ups are hard, no matter if it's a good reason or not. Mourn the loss, the pent up emotions you were trying to control for years need to come out. Write it, sing it, scream it, whatever it takes. You will get through this. You will be stronger and happier soon. Talk to those you can, when you can. If you feel like friends and family are ignoring you or carrying on like nothing happened... it's probably because they don't know if you want to talk or not...people tend to not want to mention uncomfortable things, and try to pretend everything is normal.

    You will get through this.

  • Thank you for your message, I appreciate it. Everyone is supporting him and I’m getting virtually nothing, I’m being made to feel like the bad one when I’ve done nothing wrong, it’s such an awful feeling.

  • Do they know why you broke up? Has he admitted he had any fault? It's hard to imagine anyone saying "oh yeah, she left me because I treated her poorly." I know my last breakup (in the eyes of his friends and family) was "all my fault" because "he was such a nice guy and she left with no warning for no reason." I'm not saying everyone needs to know the details, but could they just be oblivious, not spiteful?

    Remember you made the choice for your own well being - eventually it will feel better!

  • Apparently he told them he hasn’t been honest or loyal and things haven’t been working, whether they think I’ve left at the first sign of trouble rather than putting up with this for several years I have no idea. I just know I don’t feel welcome by his family anymore. No one has ever known we’ve argued or had issues so it’s bound to be a shock but he is the worst person at explaining things so they probably don’t know much, but I don’t feel able to speak to them right now.

  • I feel for you. I don't know your situation but his family may never come around, they'll support him even if he explains perfectly. I hope your own family and friends are more supportive of you.

    Feel free to talk to me if you need an outside ear to vent to. I'm not an expert (I have my own relationship issues,) but I am a decent listener and will help if I can.

  • Thank you so much! Xx

  • I’m so sorry to hear but it’s shows that your a strong woman because the hardest thing you did already and that was to walk away and leave. Been there before after 6 long years I was head over heels but like R.Kelly said “when a woman is fed up, they ain’t nothing you can do about it” and that day came for me no matter how much crying and begging I was done. Of course it hurt me as well but I felt good and I felt no regrets and I didn’t even question myself once if I made a mistake. I found myself again it took a little while but I made the best of it. I’m in a relationship now going on 5 years and like all the time it’s great when it’s fresh and at the start but now we live together and there are times I feel like ripping his head off and stomping on it. I sometimes look back and miss my single life at times.

    I’ve already told myself if this one doesn’t work out I’m through with men for a while. I’m just going to get a dog 🐕.

    I see it like this I was good before them and I will be good after them.

    Just mourn the loss you went through it’s a process you need to go through then after that go get your girlfriends and go live, have fun, have a one night stand safely if you need to have some of that vitamin D when your ready to do that, find yourself again, explore, get back into things you had to give up or compromise in this past relationship. JUST BREATHE AGAIN!!!!

    Your going to be ok. By the time it hits him what he lost it’ll be too late cause by then your going to be good and on a whole other level. Women just process breaks differently then men do. Trust me when my ex finally after almost 2 years later tried to text with me with the bullshyt about how I was on his mind and what not I was like Bye 👋 Felicia lol that was one of my greatest closures I had ever felt because he knew what he had but by then it was tooo late. It was late anyways when I called him that night and told him I was done with him there was nothing he could have done to change my mind anyways.

  • Thank you for this, it’s going to take time and I know it’ll get easier whatever I decide I just can’t cope right now.

    Thank you

  • Yes I feel same still I had to have as they don't change I did for them no more ,but we well me always get the nasty no empathy control freaks who take all till you can't take no more and it's lonely but lonely with them and hurts.

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