Truth

[5310210]

Feel like total and was ment to have a family meal which ended in a row with my son and his girlfriend over me not having my grandson for longer and more time when I do I lost my temper and so did they. This row has been a on going row which keeps coming up they don’t get the drift of things the fact is I had my kids young for a reason I work 5 days a week and have two other children to look after her Mum is an acholic and is not responsible to have the child for them so it’s down to me and theirs a problem when I say no any advice I no this might seem like a not serious problem in fact it’s not just need need some advice because righth now feel like crap took my self of meds a few weeks ago and have been fine just don’t want to go to that dark hole again when have been feeling so well

[hypercat54]

Hi I think your son and dil are trying to take advantage of you. Surely they understand that you don't have time to look after your grandchild? No children have a right to demand babysitting duties from grandparents and your son needs to be reminded of that.

Tell him it is non negotiable and say you refuse to discuss it any more. I know it's not easy but try and stay calm and not lose your temper. Don't give reasons why as that will encourage them to keep arguing with them. Just say no and change the subject and take the moral high ground. x

[5310210 in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you I didn’t mind having him in fact I use to have him every week end but then she started to take the mick with times of collecting him and that all got brought up tonight she said you make me collect him early come and collect him when you no I’ve been out all night ? I’m not being funny the p was being took she would drop him at 6 and I would say come tomorrow at about 4 and That is still not long enough? The earlier I’ve said is come at 1 I feel like they are becoming so selfish never rember the good only looking for bad I had my son at 16 and never got no help or looked for someone to have him we are rowing a lot and the stuff that’s being said is so hurtful we are like to peas in a pod but just don’t no if I’m doing the rite thing in cutting them both of my family are saying leave them to It ?

[sweetiepye]

Is your job watching the other kids or is that in addition to your job ? If it isn't your source of income then I don't understand why you would choose other children over your gramdchild? I would talk to your son without the girlfriend being there and set up some ground rules. Are you only looking after him while she goes out ? I wouldn't do that. If it's a matter of her needing your help so she can work then I would try to help them. In my opinion , you have paid your dues . The girlfriend sounds like a B---- on wheels. I wouldn't discuss the matter with her. Let us know how it goes. Pam

[5310210 in reply to sweetiepye]

The other children are my two younger sons and it’s for her to go out drinking with friends no she don’t work I am not a monster but have basically been told I’m disgusting because I don’t bother with my grand son which is a joke as I use to have him on weekend but stoped because the more I was having him the more she was going out and it was becoming a row between my son and her also my partners job changed and he only gets sundays of so in all fairness I think my house hold should be comeing first not waiting with my parntner and me spending quality time as a family not running around for a 2 year old I love my son and grandson to bits but because I’ve steped back in having him the rows have been going on since October between me and my son a lot has been said and I relized last night it’s coming from her mouth not my sons with things she said last nite not sure to do they was asked to leave my house she went to far ? Sorry I work fall time as well

[sweetiepye in reply to 5310210]

Your priority is to your own kids who are still at home , and you don't owe anyone an explanation. I'm afraid you'll have to put up with their bad feelings toward you but if you cave in to her it will never stop. Your son needs to be the one to put a stop to this.

[5310210 in reply to sweetiepye]

Thank you so much that’s all I keep being told but you no when you need to hear it from someone who is not family or a friend who is just taking side they have both been taking the p out of me for a while and seem to have both turn now I don’t give in I love my son to bits and it kills me when we fall out but I just can’t do the rows anymore he has changed so much we are not talking either so I think I will just have to play it by ear thank you so much x

[sweetiepye in reply to 5310210]

You're welcome. I'm going through a similar situation myself. It's painful , but you have to stand your ground. Pam

[5310210]

It’s so hard it’s like you have to be cruel to be kind Pam if you want to explain what’s going on I’m hear to listen to I really do appreciate your advice Ann

[sweetiepye]

It would take a book to tell you the story of my daughter-in-law and me so I'll give one example that is typical of her behavior. I have 7 grandkids and she doesn't think Iam as generous to her son as I am to the others. The truth is I don't do as much with them as I used to because I have Afib and Diabetes so my energy level is low. I still have them over2 to 3 times a week and her 14 yr old son teases my 7 yr old grand daughter. He then goes home and tells his Mother how unfair I am to him. In no way do I think a 14 yr old should be bullying anyone let alone a 7 yr old. I've tried having them different days but they all want to be together. It's a mess and my son and wife consider it my fault.It adds so much stress to my life and my husband doesn't back me up. He stays out of it. I feel very alone and over whelmed by the whole mess. I am hoping time will solve this for me . As they get older they will probably have less to do with each other. I don't think I will ever get past my son yelling at me and telling me I must be lying. I had to ask him to leave my house. He's been back since but it will never be the same.Thank you for listening, I will get through it. Pam

[5310210]

Hi Pam I no that’s feeling only to well the feeling of the your husband not wanting to get involved my partner is the same he stays out of it exactly how you feel is how I’m feeling as I said from my post the other day my son and daughter in law were both shouting at me (I make her sick ) I’m so many things honestly all boiling down to because I don’t offer to have my grandson over night even got told she had an aboution and it was because of me because I never congratulated her when she said she was pregnant all a mess which I have no intention of sorting out and will prob be branded the worse Mum and nan in the world for that to but hey ho Pam you will forgive in time I’ve learned over the last 21 years with my son your heart won’t let you not forgive even when you try to be strong with your child it just melts and the love over power the head just try not to let it come between you and your partner i no Easyer said then done but it will only make you feel worse and make your home become unpleasant like you said to me the other day I have to put my other kids first you need to put your self and parntner first it’s your time now to find your happy place and relax