Hi, I’m new to anything like this, would just like some help and advice.

Hi, I’ve had anxiety, depression and some sort of sleeping disorder for a long time now, I’m 29 and have felt similar to how I feel now since being a young child. Please I am not really looking for sympathy or attention, I have asked a friend and family members for help in the past and got nothing nothing except ignored or laughed at. I genuinely just need some help and advice because I feel like I am slowly going insane. I am currently on no medication, drugs or alcohol.

I remember having bad news as a child in school. I was told that my granddad had been rushed to hospital and might Die, which is when it all started, not being able to sleep, nightmares of losing them when I did and it scared me. I was pretty much brought up by my grandparents. My dad wasn’t about much and put more effort into my younger sister, I didn’t care, I was a nanny’s boy... lol. And my mom used to emotionally and mentally abuse me at times when my parents would argue, which was all the time, they spent more time separated and living apart than together.

I haven’t been diagnosed by a GP, if that’s even how it works. I’ve recently decided enough is enough and gone down that route though, which is quite annoying as it’s murder to make appointments here in Wales, UK. I find it incredibly difficult to sleep no matter how tired physically and mentally I become. So when I finally do sleep any alarms I do set for 8am ( which is the only time you can make an appointment to see a doctor here, and they don’t make appointments in advance apparently) I sleep through.

I have smoked cannabis since the age of 12 which helped at first, it helped make me laugh and smile and feel like a child. Soon after this my older brother from my moms first marriage moved back home, 18 years older than my self. He was a drunk and would regularly give me drugs, cocaine amongst others. And after awhile started physically abusing me, my mom knew about this and done nothing for years. She came down stairs once while he was beating me, he told her to f*&£ off and she did.

I stopped smoking cannabis when my son was born, I was 22. And for a little while things were ok, I was happy and felt complete, having my own family. I worked hard, and as much as I could to provide for my son and partner at the time. Unfortunately that didn’t last long. True colours and all that. I don’t really know if there was cheating going on, but she would find reasons to break up and then “meet” someone straight away. Our relationship went on like this for 2 years after my son was born. She even went as far as to wait one Christmas until I had spent hundreds of my savings on presents shopping and then split up with me the day after.

I’m not going to pretend I’m perfect, I am not. But we barely argued and when we did it was because of her parents, who are horrific people, for example. They apparently physically abused my ex when she was a child, which I was told by her as well as other family members, they also charged me money to bring my new born son, their grand child, home from hospital. I grew increasingly depressed and anxious throughout the relationship.

We had broke up in 2012, in 2013 I met my current partner and all the pain of the past disappeared she is the other side to my coin. Due to problems I had being back at my moms home, I moved in with my partner, her son, parents and brother. My step son was severely disabled at birth due to medical neglect. He was 7 when I met his mom, a month after I had started staying with them he past away in our bedroom while we slept. This broke me, I have tried to stay strong for his mom, Who is a hell of a lot stronger than me. I know I hadn’t known him long, and it’s most likely ridiculous that I felt and feel how I do. I can’t help it. Then less than 3 months later my ex decided to move 50+ miles away overnight without letting me know in advance, resulting in us not seeing my son for 2 years. This put strain on my relationship as my partner blamed herself for it which is nonsense. It’s been 4 years since. And I feel like I’m pushing her away, not intentionally but I feel like we don’t really communicate anymore. I get aggravated easily these days as my head is constantly screaming at me and bringing up events of the past. I feel quite pathetic that I am the one that needs help.

We have a beautiful girl together and I am back in contact with my son after having to go to court for an order to force my ex to allow me.

Although it got to a point where I couldn’t look at people in work due to things being said when my step son had past and my son being taken away, I quit my job and tried to run a gaming store business for the last 2 years, hoping it would help me make friends, as I’m pretty much a hermit due to lack of trust in people. It failed recently and now we are both unemployed. And myself left quite bitter as my partner wasted a lot of money doing this to help me. I had hoped it would change our lives for the better. We done well at first, I’m quite friendly, despite people walking all over me in the past. We gave things away as prizes at our expense often, we tried helping people. Yet in the end, when we couldn’t afford to keep going without charging for services, people slowly dwindled from our MTG group which was the life blood of the business and we had to close.

I’m at a point where I don’t know what to do, I’m trying to stay positive, yet it is getting increasingly difficult. I’ve been trying to see a doctor for 3 months now, and all I’ve accomplished is blood tests being done, because I began drinking heavily a few years ago, until recently.

Sorry about the very long post. Like the title says I don’t really know what to say, I find it difficult to express myself. I have not really spoke about any of this to my doctor, I am trying to see the same one at the moment as when I feel I can open up to them about my problems, I don’t want to be telling 6-7 doctors the same story every time I go there. I feel comfortable with the last doctor I seen, she seems lovely and understanding without any signs to myself of her judging me. Which is generally how I feel in day to day life with anyone I come in to contact with. Again I’m sorry about the length of this, but I’m so desperate at the moment, I can’t really speak to my partner too much about this as I’m afraid of upsetting her, I just need some help and advice.

Thanks for reading.

[marigold22]

mind.org.uk/information-sup...

MIND is an excellent charity for mental health support. They have branches all over the country so you can find your nearest by going into the link above and putting in your postcode. You have been through so much trauma. It is bound to take a massive toll on you in all sorts of ways. If you read my profile, you will see that I've had a physical illness for 35 years but am now fully recovered. Along the way I learnt that when we go through trauma and stress the nutrients in our body get depleted. You could ask your GP to do as many blood tests as possible. Particularly ask for - vitamin B12, vitamin D3, folate, ferritin, full iron panel, and anything else he/she is willing to do on the NHS. If for example your vitamins B12 and D3 are low, you will have depression, anxiety and mental health type symptoms. Good luck

[Hidden in reply to marigold22]

Thank you for your reply. There is one near me and I will look into it. Are they group or one on one sessions? If you know. I’m worried about going into too much detail with people I don’t really know. And what is here isn’t really everything. For sleep the first gp gave me tablets for hay fever and allergies... I understand that they have to try different things to see what works. Is it wise of me to bring up anything from what I’ve said here? I know a few people that are actually having treatments from their GP and then brag that there’s nothing wrong with them. This angers and scares me because I feel as if I can’t get the help I need while being genuine. If you understand that. Anxious about coming out that I’m anxious... lol

[marigold22 in reply to Hidden]

Hi again, I think the main MIND sessions are as a group, but the man and woman who ran them (both had recovered from mental health issues) were extremely friendly and helpful. If you go along to one group session, see what happens, and then chat to the session manager afterwards about one to one sessions. They will be able to point you in the right direction. From my own 'fiasco' past, I have not found doctors to be very helpful really. GPs can only do so much, particularly nowadays with money in the NHS very tight, they are tightly regulated on what they can and can't do, are so terribly rushed with 10 minutes max. for each appointment. I have seen two consultant psychiatrists in my life and to be honest they were less than helpful in my case. I honestly think you would do best to check out MIND first

[grimeph14]

I am only young so this is out of my depth but you have been through a lot so for you and your partner to still be together and to commit is brilliant and it is understandable after so much that you may have distant times. Maybe it is that you feel in the back of your mind partner is one that may judge you for how you feel, but hopefully as in many relationships you can explain this to her. It may upset her, but it is important she understands how it is for you and it is best to avoid not telling her something you are going through just because she may have to go through you telling her. Hope the therapist you are sticking with can help out and you find trust in more people as this is sure to help you settle. Just letting you know I am inexperienced so I don't know if this is great advice but felt like trying to help and I'm here for you.

[Hidden in reply to grimeph14]

Thank you for your reply. Sometimes all it takes is a little understanding to help.

[Zoea]

Doctors will often try a tablet like you tried first, before prescribing potentially more helpful medication like Zopiclone (which is the only one which really workeds for me) for sleep. Just keep going back and keep being honest with your GP. The first step for you (and you've been through a lot, not good, sorry) is to open up about Everything to your GP and see how they can help. If you don't feel you are getting the help you need fast enough or it's all too much ask for a referral from your GP to your local Community mmeantall health team or get another GP who actually cares about you properly (probably the former)(. I feel that you should understand that the drink is likely self medicating but at the same time alcohol is a depressant so it's nowhere near as good (and in fact much worse) than almost any medicinal treatment for depression.

At your stage I would be happily surprised if that's all you had though (no offence!). So just see the correct doctor(s) and try and talk it all through and get the help you need. Mindfulness, CBT, these things can help U too. I hope you are ok.

[Hidden in reply to Zoea]

Hi Zoea, thank you for your reply. I don’t understand your last paragraph entirely, do you mean the blood tests I have had already or some other problem? The blood tests were fine. They were just liver function and general things I guess I appreciate your concern though.

[Zoea in reply to Hidden]

If your blood tests are fine (good News!) then just bring up your specific concerns with your doctor and insist on referral where appropriate (like when you are posting on HealthUnlocked on a mental health forum!). I am sorry I have been replying to 10+ days of comments I can'r remember specifics.

I apologise for my last paragraph in the last post it was not good. Hope you find the help that's there for you.

[Hidden in reply to Zoea]

I didn’t mean anything by asking, I really didn’t understand. Thank you for your advice. It is appreciated. :). I am hoping to be able to get an appointment for today. When I tried yesterday, the dr I wanted to see was fully booked but the had 6 others that were available. Thanks again

[CJ2016]

Hey Drago your making the right steps in seeing the doctor,sleep deprevation can cause poor mental health as the body needs at least a consistent 6 to 8 hours of decent sleep.

Obviously if your not getting that and its been going on for months then it will take its toll on you.

Its a good thing you also quit smoking cannabis as that can also lead to mental health problems in the long term in some people.

You have been through a bit and if you have not really opened up and talked to someone about it then again it will take its toll.

(Im the same age as you(also live in wales) and i have held my emotions in since 13/14 and it gets worse,both mentally and physically but i refuse to see any doctors etc.)

In regards to going self employed and then it not working out, dont be overly harsh on your self, you took a gamble and at least tried something different.

The way i see it is that you wont know unless you try when it comes to jobs,ive been through a few jobs my self and the last one i quit after 3 days.

Any loss is rough no matter how long you have known them, losing any child is harsh, its not about who is stronger who is weaker, you can guarentee everyone hurts from that.

I hope the doctors work out for you, dont let them fab you off and keep making appointments if they try doing that, hopefully you will get somewhere even if its being able to talk to a professional and getting your emotions out thee.