I was reading my email daily digest and I saw a post by a user that honestly made me really upset. Talking about this is the most depressing app they have ever read and won't be reading anymore. Saying we all need to shake ourselves up. To whichever Admin deleted that post, thank you. Obviously that member totally missed the purpose of this forum. It seems to me they were being kind of a jerk and not realizing that this is a safe place for people to reach out and get help.
To any that saw that post, don't listen to that insensitive person. I don't know why they were here in the first place, but doesn't appear they were trying to get help.
Even today was a really bad day. I hardly slept. I was up when the house was completely quiet and found that I was pacing around. I almost decided to start my day when it was still dark out and everyone wouldn't be awake for a couple hours. I was almost willing to give up sleep, just so I could have some peace and quiet. I'm tired and frustrated, feel unappreciated. The household wouldn't even function the way it does if I didn't do what I do. Nobody helps though.
My brother in law that babysits, lets the kids turn the house upside down and as soon as I get home, he disappears. Doesn't tell me if the baby napped, when they ate last, why are there pots and pans all over the floor?! I'm left with a entire house of mess to clean up, dinner to make (while most of the time my youngest is crying to be held), and then everything else with the kids and getting them ready for bed. My husband works nights so I'm not mad at him.
I have this to do list that I want to get done and it seems that whenever I even have time to do any of it, it's already late and I would rather just crawl in to bed and go to sleep. I want to exercise more, but finding it hard to even get time to do it.
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Frozenimages
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Hello Frozen, Are you working full time and need a sitter every day ,or is this just ab occasional thing I think you have to cut men sitters and especially relatives a little slack. The most they seem to do is play with the kids and I think that's fine, however, if this person is being paid and it's full time then you need to make a list of your expectations and request a 5 min report at the end of the day. I know you are under pressure but for your own sake you are going to have to be in charge and set some rules. Pam
It's 5 days a week. I try to remind myself that he really isn't all about cleaning up, he does the playing and keeping them busy. We don't pay him, but he lives with us rent free. That's kind of how he makes his keep around the house is by watching the kids. I guess today was mostly me being in a bad mood. I was a little irritated that he waited until 5 minutes when I had to physically be at work before he walked through the door. I hate being late. I didn't have a chance to talk to him about it because I had to run out the door.
I feel I do cut him slack by not saying anything. I let it slide because I know he does help out with the kids a lot and even does work on his days off other places to make himself some extra spending money. I want to pay him but it's been so tight financial wise because we have myself, my husband, and my other brother in law who pitches in very little. We talked about it with him and he's being thick headed about it.
I just worry sometimes. I feel angry, resentful, short fuse, irritable constantly, no patience at times. Sometimes my toddler can be screaming and crying in my face and I feel.. nothing. Like I just want him to go away and leave me alone. In those moments I feel like such a bad mother. Obviously he wants something, but I struggle at times to muster up enough energy to try to comfort him and figure out what he needs.
You simply have too mush to do and not enough help. Something needs to change and in the end it's the children who suffer. You are not a bad Mother. I remember going through similar things with my kids and then the guilt I would feel later. How about having a family meeting and letting everyone know how you feel. I'm sure they don't know. Pick 1 to 3 things that are most important to you and ask if they could help with that If you're nice about it they probably will be too. Any way it's a place to start. Pam
I wish u all the love and appreciation you deserve in the world. It must be really difficult for u running a home and suffering from depression. please get help of your doctor. I wish I could work right enough. U could maybe get help with childcare off government.
I appreciate that. I'm still struggling to find insurance for such things. I got approved for well woman check ups, but that's it. Can't even go to the doctor for some painful bump on my lower back. Think it's a cyst. Not very big either.
Of course you are right, but I'll tell you why I responded. Newer members, who might see that post before it's removed might imagine that there is something to it and lose confidence in us. Sometimes it takes awhile for a post to be removed. Pam
being a mum is wonderful but can be the hardest unpaid job in the world i have three kids and im constantly running around cleaning up after them I feel the way you do at times it's very frustrating your not alone and yesterday was just a bad day for you I just think who cares if the house isn't 100% clean and tidy your health and we'll being is so important please try and not be so hard on yourself.xx
I try not to be. When I'm able to see out of the haze and really enjoy life, I see my kids and how happy they are. They see me when I'm not at my best, but still somehow tell me that I'm the best mom ever. Our youngest doesn't talk yet, but he truly knows how to show affection and love. I know my husband loves me, but having mental health issues himself, I don't always feel like I'm loved. More like a irritation. Which I know isn't true, but doesn't change I feel that way sometimes.
My husband cares if the house is clean, but he's more like a complainer instead of a doer. I've talked to him about it, but doesn't seem to change anything.
So glad I didn’t read that post. That would have mega triggered me! 😞 Some people are so selfish.
Hello Frozen, having depression is indeed not very nice is it? I confess the black dog has sat for many a year on my shoulder and I am nearly 74. Sometimes I have been that low, that down, that I have considered doing the ultimate but here I am still soldiering on, having my good days and also my bad. I guess I'm lucky in some respects, I have a good wife, we've been together now for over 51 years, yes we argue but who doesnt but the difference between you and us is the word RESPECT and its a word you should remember. I say this because, with all due respect, it appears to me that this is lacking in your relationships with both hubby and brother in law, they are not showing you the respect and dare I say LOVE that you are due and deserve.
Your husband needs to get a grip he should not let his brother act in the way he does. Your brother in law has it made, he is living rent free and no doubt he pays nothing towards the utilities and if indeed this is the case then he should be told that unless he helps you and begins to act as he should do then he must go. If your husband were to tell him this I bet he would change.
You also said that the house would not function as it does without your input. Okay be brave, stop, yes stop your input, tell hubby, tell brother in law that you are going to act just like them. When you come home and you find it a mess leave it a mess, prepare meals for you and the children but not them let them see for themselves exactly what you do but let them see that you are no longer willing to put up with their unacceptable conduct and that you are in need of their help, consideration and above all else their RESPECT!!!!!
You're right. It doesn't help that my husband suffers from a mental disorder as well. When he was a youth and even early 20's, he has been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. He sometimes has bad episodes of emotional dysregulation. I've come to understand and know why he is the way he is. Doesn't make things okay, but I've joined a separate forum specifically for people like me that love people or have family that is diagnosed with BPD.
Reading the part about acting like them and only worrying about the kids. Not going to lie, actually causes anxiety. The thought of a house that is a wreck, dishes everywhere, stuff all over the place.. I don't know if I would be able to function properly seeing all of that in my house. I like a clean house. I like order, I like being able to find something when I need it. I don't know. Maybe that's truly the only aspect of my life I have any control over. Everything else seems to be a hot mess (as people say).
It may be sad to say, but this forum and my other support forum seem to be the only real places I can freely express my problems and thoughts without being judged, getting an unsupportive response, or trying to be "one uped" on mental health issues. I have one friend I can confide in, but I know even she gets tired of hearing about my problems.
Hello Again Frozen, just thought that I would wish you and your family a very happy Christmas and a stress free new year and also to tell you how very sorry I am for any duress that I caused you, no malice was intended only your welfare, I got it wrong.
It's okay, you didn't know I just was saying that's really the only reason why I still try to maintain a clean house. I've pretty much accepted that I'm the only one that makes a real effort to keep the house clean.
I guess that's part of me that's hard wired into my head and self. I am a caretaker and guilty of be codependent at times. Even as much as I get frustrated and upset with their behavior, I still find it very hard to stop doing what I do. I sometimes feels I am enabling their bad behavior, but then there are times where I ask myself if I am or if I'm doing what I really want to do. I do feel there is kind of a balance. My husband manages finances, our credit, does the budget, making the plans for when we are planning on moving near year.
As much as my brother does irritate me from every now and then, he actually does really help with the kids. He does even pitch in with dinner and running errands if I need something. We have one car so it makes it difficult to run errands when my husband is at work, so he does do little things like that.
I might of been having a bad day. It doesn't really seem all that bad when I'm not in a grumpy mood.
Hi Frozen, forgive me please but I am in one of my places at the moment. In my first post I said that the black dog sits on my shoulder, well at the moment he is staring me in the face. Yesterday, Christmas day, when I woke up in the morning, the first thing that I thought about was the fact that I had upset you and it upset me to think that because of my thoughtlesness I had upset someone, you. Also I have had a lot on my mind because there is no doubt about it old age certainly does not come alone and it certainly doesn't in my case. I have a few things going on, nothing like cancer mind, but I still have á few causes of worry. I have a hospital visit coming up and a few blood tests, there is a high chance that I now have Diabetes and on top of that I have to face the fear of my life the DENTIST and boy how I fear the dentist. I only have 14 teeth left and four of them are Wisdom teeth and it looks like they may have to come out, the dentist is the best laxative i know.
I'm sat at home on my own at the moment as my wife is visiting. I was invited but because of how I feel I just could not face people I just like being on my own when my black dog comes calling. Some people though don't understand, I am told I should shake myself and get a grip and I know I can advise others when their black dog comes calling but I don't seem to be able to listen to my own advice, I get into a deep hole and I have a fight on my hands to get out of it.
Thank you for your last reply, I confess it did make me feel a bit better with myself
I'm sorry to hear that you are going through that right now. Holidays seem to bring out the best and worse sometimes. I use to absolutely dread the holidays. Another trigger for anxiety and constant worry. Everyone wanted to do their thing and we would have to plan it down to the hour on where would be and for how long before we had to go to the next person's house. We moved to a different state. I have to say, holidays are a lot less stressful.
It is frustrating when people tell you to just get a grip, shake it off, overreacting, etc. I found that I have become more understanding of things that plague the mind. I never use to think I had depression or anything like that. I always thought it was the "blues", but I think there are time where it was more serious. I'm not going to go into detail because of triggers, but I did find myself in a very serious situation where I almost didn't wake up after an attempt.
I'm not bad in that way anymore and I do count that as a blessing. I found out shortly after that I was pregnant with our second child. I know I was saved because of that. Now I have two little boys who give me absolute meaning to keep moving forward.
I hope that your tests turn out that everything is okay. It's hard enough dealing with the black dog.
At least you have this forum to get support and understanding.
Hello Frozen, so nice to get your last post and I confess some of what you said moved me deeply for it would most certainly appear that you have had your bad times, very bad times and I am sincerely sorry about.
I see that you live in the United States, well I live in the UK in a place just outside a big city called Bristol ànd it's nice where I live as I live on the edge of a common which means we haven't far to go to exercise our dog, also we are blessed with lovely neighbours and our neighbours are always quick to help as one did a week or two ago when I got food stuck in my throat. Also our doctors and hospitals are all close at hand. I am going to hospital in a couple of weeks time, I go every six months for blood tests and a general health check up. They have to keep an eye on me as I have à disease called Amyloidosis. The other thing that I suffer with and sometimes it can really get to me and get me down is I have Tinnitus. As you no doubt know Tinnitus is constant constant noises in your ears, I haven't heard SILENCE for over ten years, it's worse at night when it's quiet, this is why twice a week I take a sleeping pill so that two nights a week I can have a reasonable nights sleep. The only problems is is when I get a new prescription and I look at that packet of 28 pills and I know what they could do to me. But at the end of the day I don't think I have the guts, I have sat on my bed and looked at the full packet ànd then I have quickly put them away in my draw.
You know when you are young you long for retirement you think it will be. HELLO PENSION GOOD BY TENSION that is rubbish for as you get older you begin to wear out, people hear me coming by the sound of my knees click click click, I'm like an old car and bits are wearing out. We worry about every thing, we have two boys one is early fifties and one is late fourties we worry about them, then my wife has a mum of 97 we worry about and have to look after her and then we both have health issues.
I am sorry about this post everyone, it being so morbid an all but if you don't mind this silly old fool could do with a a bit of cheering up.
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I just was saying that's really the only reason why I still try to maintain a clean house. I've pretty much accepted that I'm the only one that makes a real effort to keep the house clean.
How do I get out 
I'm struggling in my battle with Severe Depression. I'm losing this fight. I'm tired...God Knows...I'm so tired.
I need to vent I guess.
Failure and disappointment are my middle name
Feelings of hatred 
