I can't breathe...or let go.

[deeppurple]

I have been with him for 3 years. After 3 months and 7 days of marriage he says he is done. Yes, we had some things to work on. We went to marriage counseling 2x. During the 2nd appointment he gave me the most loving eyes and said he didn't want this to turn out in divorce like his other 2 marriages. Five minutes after we left he said he didn't think he could do this anymore and he was tired. We came home and he went for a bike ride to clear his head. He actually posted his wonderful 16 mile bike ride on FB. He was supposed to be clearing his head. It has been such a struggle for me. I asked him why...he told me you know why. I really don't know the main reason. He has a very bold and forward personality so I expected a much different reply. We are living in the same house until February when our lease is up. It tears me apart because we were supposed to be looking for our own house at the end of October. Two weeks after his being "done", I lost my job. I have been looking for one feverishly...phone screens and interviews are in progress...waiting for one to come to fruition. He has shut down. He went out with friends 4x this week and just came home at 2 in the morning with messed up hair...unlike him. We haven't filed until I get a job because I am on his benefits. I am still required to pay some of the bills from my savings. I go to counseling and have been for over a year. I am on anxiety and depression meds. I paint, read, go to movies by myself, free meditation classes, meet up groups, walk my dog, etc. He avoids me by being gone most of the weekend. He has his plans after this figured out. I don't know where I will even live until I get a job. He will live with his dad to continue to save money to buy a house. I don't think I will ever live in one again. I can't get over all of this. It is too much. He is never alone...always on FB making plans and I get so jealous. I am tired of crying...when I think okay...I got this...BAM. No, I really don't and the cycle continues. I am sure my smaller circle of friends (life long) is tired of hearing about it as much as I am talking about it. Give it time, you need to grieve, find yourself and what makes you happy, blah blah. It is like a broken record...round and round and does nothing. I dont know what to do. I feel trapped. I can't do this anymore. I don't want to be the forgiving one, keeping the peace, not confronting because he always makes me speechless with his words/reactions (he has a high IQ). I am at my wits end. I love him and cant let him go. The thought of him moving on without me kills me. We did everything together. I have journaled my thought and feelings, yet I am still here, crying even as I write this. He says we will be friends...we aren't friends now...why would we be later? I want to shut this off...to detach...to hate him for what he has done.

[blackcat64013]

Hi Deeppurple ,

I am sure that breaking up a relationship is one the hardest things to do.

It is one of life’s Ds. Whether it’s a diagnosis, divorce, death, depression or disaster everyone faces a significant challenge at some point.

I heard a psychologist Petrea King use the phrase "Until now" as a way of putting things into perspective.

Until now is the beginning of each sentence or thought e.g. Until now I thought or until now I did.

To help figure out the future use the same principal of "From now on" e.g. From now on I am or from now I will

The same psychologist sees crisis as a catalyst for personal growth and understanding and as an opportunity for healing and peace. I think that is very idealistic but possible with the right help.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hi deeppurple, and welcome to the forum. I am sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time. It is good that you are attending counselling sessions and continue with your hobbies and interests. This will help you so much. Take one day at a time and you will get through this. Do continue to talk to your friends about how you are feeling. It is true that you need to give it time, stay strong and you will get there. Things will become easier. Please continue to post on this supportive forum where you will receive support from other members. You are not alone. Citizens Advice Bureau citizensadvice.org.uk are able to provide financial advice which maybe helpful to you Thank you and best wishes.