I feel that I have no reason to live life

[Puju1831995]

I m 24 yr old married girl. When I am unmarried my fmly don't understand me, after my marriage my in-laws and my husband also don't understand me. I just want live freely my life with no restriction. My fmly and my in-laws both are have a orthodox mentality.if u girl don't do that don't do this. Before my marriage I have a relationship with a such a nice guy. But my fmly said that he is not a our matching caste so they don't agree and fixed my marriage with another guy.i compromise with my all happiness. Now I try to live life to forget every thing. I want to do job.but my in-laws and husband says no for private job. I feel I m a useless person. I can't say all my pain. My life is how much disaster.i feel helpless. My mind is suck.i feel very tired from this society.u don't believe I don't talk with my friends since last 1 year. Sometime I think why I m girl. I can't share all this with anybody. I have big fmly but inside I feel very lonely. I feel that I run away anywhere to leave every thing.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello Puju 1831995, welcome to our community where I hope that you will start to make friends here and feel supported, everyone on here is very understanding and all travelling their own unique journeys, so do keep posting on here. I am so so sorry and sad for you that you are having such a difficult time. It must be so hard for you to be in an arranged marriage and wanting to live your own life and do things and go to work. I wonder could you talk to your parents, husband and tell them how unhappy you are and that you need to start doing things in your life that would make you happy and also feel worthwhile. I do understand that in some cultures being a girl is more difficult than being a boy. But this is your life and it is important that you do seek help and support for yourself. It may be a good idea for you to make an appointment to see your GP and treatment such as medication and counselling may help you to get through this really difficult time. You are still very young and I hope that maybe too, you could start meeting up with some of your friends and renew your friendship. That might help you to be able to talk with someone who knows and understands you., and would help you to feel not so alone or overburdened. Is there anyone in your extended family that you could talk to, even develop a friendship with, go our for a walk and have a chat and a coffee, that might help to cheer you up. But above all, do not despair, please do seek help and support for yourself. You are a very valuable and worthwhile person and deserve to feel happy and fulfilled. I wonder if any of our members could offer further suggestions for our friend here, many thanks. Please do take good care of yourself and see your GP. I really hope that in time things start to improve for you........wishing you all the very very best....

[Puju1831995 in reply to MAS_Nurse]

Thanks dear. Your words is so much for me.

[hypercat54]

Hi I think it is very difficult in any society for a woman to be able to live her own life freely without restriction. It's much more difficult in traditional societies which I guess you are a member of. I don't have any answers I'm afraid but I do wish you the best. x

[Puju1831995 in reply to hypercat54]

Thanks.. I kn nobody can help me out from this mess.

[kiwibutterfly]

I can't try and even imagine what your life is like, to be dictated to etc. Unfortunately you were born into it, but that doesn't make it right. I had a Pakistani girl friend whom I no longer see as she moved but she lived at the YMCA where I worked and her set up was like yours. As she got into her late 20's she decided to have a baby with an lad there and it was obviously they would get a council flat etc. as she'd then claim to be a single mum. Those were in the days when our country allowed this! But how desperate she must have been to do this, cutting herself off from all her family and then she moved with her son up north to live - just the two of them. He's well grown up now and sees his dad down here but I feel sad two families have lost out seeing their grandchild. I know this isn't your situation at all, but it shows how desperate she was. It wouldn't work today as Council flats aren't given out that easily any more. My advice would be to try and find a friend of your own faith either from a local college or church you go to. I bet you anything you like some of them who are married are as unhappy as you are and have either accepted it or wouldn't admit it. There may be a group online you can search, make sure it's properly regulated. There are questions you need to ask yourself. Can you live without seeing any of your family? At some point your husband (and you) may want children which will complicate matters. I can't tell you what to do but your heart knows. Either way you are hurting someone - either yourself or your family. Running away won't help in the long run as you will take those feelings with you, the guilt and worries of what to do next and you will still be lonely. I think the best thing is to find out why you feel like this. You may need medication from your GP but would it be so wrong for you to work online? Like run a blog or help group or something? If you need money then that won't pay much, but the satisfaction and online friends will help you enjoy it and you'll be helping others at the same time. Can you get back in touch with your old friends and try this together perhaps? Just a coffee outside the house somewhere would help you focus, and a chat is often priceless with a friend. Wishing you well. x

[Puju1831995 in reply to kiwibutterfly]

Thanks dear. Hope so your advice will help me out.

[Hidden]

I would feel so miserable and trapped in your situation. I get that traditional cultures generally pressure women to do as their told but it’s your life, not your family or husband’s and you have a right to live it how you want. If I was in your situation, I would try to run or do something before any kids might enter the picture. I totally get if you’re afraid to leave, you’d be leaving your family and husband or maybe punished but staying will guarantee you’ll stay miserable. I hope you figure out how to fix your situation.