So a bit of context, my room is hot all the time so I leave my window open in the winter when I don’t have my air conditioner in. This allows me to hear what’s going on in front of my house. I can hear my dad talking to someone on the phone and I overheard him say something to them. He said something along the lines of, “Sometimes I just want to meet up at a motel and have s*x.” I don't know what to think anymore. My mom is handicapped and has been for like 11 years now. I always have been suspicious of him. He goes into work and hour early everyday and he goes to the bowling alley 2 hours before he needs to. I don't know what to do. I never thought he actually would do anything like that. I feel so cheated and played.
Edit: I heard him say more. He said, “Just be the good girl that you always are,” and , “Here's a proposal: we meet up, have s*x, and if you don't want to be with me, I'll understand.” My sister tried calming me down since she was downstairs when all of this was happening. We found out who he was talking to: a friend of his whom he has known even longer than my mom. I couldn't believe it. He said he remembered “carrying her,” out of some place and should have kissed her and told him how he felt then and there. I hate him. I used to have one shred of care for him but now he has done it. I don't hate many people so he really messed up.
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Lycholko
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When I was in my twenties I went out with a Women that could lie the hind legs off a donkey. The relationship carried on for over three years and the Relationship went on from crisis to crisis. When I met my future wife we had both been through relationships that were questionable and we decided never to lie to each other even though something may sting for a while the relationship would be honest. We have been like that for over forty years and the above has worked out very well, we have lived for one another and anyone trying to break or cause damage would always find the two of us supporting and standing up for us both.
Your story is very sad and on the outside, looking in and how your Mother is could it be your Mother is unable to perform and your Parents have come to an understanding your Father can go out with someone who He knew before your Mother ?. I do not know the dynamics of your Fathers Friend, that could be a failed marriage or similar. That may be something else to consider, remembering we need to walk in someone else shoes before we make that negative leap into a negative situation made worse by jumping into conclusions.
You can talk to your Father first and see what is said, explain to him what you heard and consider the best way forward after that discussion. Remember if you jump to soon you may enter an area you would prefer not to be in.
Personally I hate liars, You can protect yourselves from a thief although not a Liar
BOB
I’m sorry that is the worst broken relationship, broken trust - let’s hope the hope and belief you have in your family’s future that your Dad will realise is the most important thing
Im very sorry that your dad is doing what he's doing. It must be very difficult to deal with. Im very sorry. . If that happened to me, after the shock and disbelief, Id probably feel the same way. I am all about being honest. You didnt do anything wrong. If he is cheating he is betraying the whole family and that makes it your business. So yes, Id say something. If I were you and I didnt say anything Id probably regret it. I hope this helps. Go with your gut. If it's telling you to talk it out w your dad then do it.
Thank you for the compassion. I do not feel like confronting my father. I don't know what would happen after. I know he wouldn't stop or try and better himself. He has done that in the past. I voiced my concerns with how he treats the whole family and he just told me, “everyone in this family needs to change, not just me.” I felt like I was filled with rage. But I didn't say anything.
You are welcome. If you dont say anything that is fine. That is your choice. There is no right and wrong here. I do suggest that you talk to soneone about it maybe to a very good friend or a family member you can trust so you can process this all.
Wow, that is so awful. I feel so sad for your mom too who has been handicapped for 11 years. She probably feels really low as it is never mind having to go through this. We are meant to love one another if we are married and have family regardless of how difficult life gets, even if it is hard to look after your mom. Its not her fault and she doesnt deserve this. I am not surprised you feel angry.
I know this may be really hard to do but I personally think its right you confront your father and tell him you heard this and ask him to tell your mom the whole truth. She will have to find out the truth anyway and it is best coming directly from him as she will have closure. Also, I know it may seem unlikely but they may be able to work through this if they choose to too. That is their personal choice though and its up to them. But at least your mom should have the dignity of being able to hear it directly from him so she is in no doubt. Then she can make her own decisons.
I do not think my mom has any idea this is happening. I feel terrible for her as well. I really don't know what I should do. My dad is known to shift the blame to others and refuse to take responsibility for his action
Yeah well theres never an excuse to do that to your wife/partner. Thats so awful. Theres no blame to shift here, its all on him. Your mom has a right to know and react as she sees fit. If he says 'youre causing trouble'. Nope, he caused the trouble by doing what he did. It cannot be put right by hiding it. If he refuses to tell your mom then I think its right you tell her yourself.
That is a good point. But I don't think I'm in a stable enough mindset to deal with it. This only happened last night. I am still shaken by his words. I would like to wait a little while and get my head on straight.
Yeah. It would be great to have her help as well. Thank you so much for the advise. You don't know how much it helps. I am going to talk to my therapist on Wednesday about this and hopefully come to a decision.
This is just a thought but if you dont want to confront your father face to face then you could write him a letter explaining exactly what you heard and that you want him to tell your mom the truth or you can just write a letter explaining everything to your mom. This way, there would be no confrontation and you would be just saying the facts of what happened in writing. There are no judgements or opinions. You just recognise your mom's need to know the truth about her husband and its up to her what she does with that. It may help you to just keep a little diary while its all in your head. Message me if you like and ever need to talk
Geesh he has no respect!! Sorry this is happening.. l would diffuse palo santo essential oil to calm the nerves.I actually use this to help my fur babies from being euthanized but it works for other things.. it helps my aunt depression,joints etc....i diffuse it and apply on sole of my feet with a carrier oil..its good for anxiety,broken bones, sleep etc.....l mix it with vanilla oil to tone down the smell. My prayers are with you
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