Lost

I'm a 42 year old male who is totally lost..I have no reason to get up in the mornings..My Mind seems to track my past and I feel guilty thinking of all the things I've done.. I feel guilty towards my parents that I'm unstable and that they try very hard that nothing is missing in my life even though I've hurt them..they love me and I love them but we just don't agree to anything and fight all the time..they are the only people that put me down, bedridden for months or days..I seem to hurt people close to me and I'm not speaking with my sister as I find her toxic..I've never had intentions to hurt anyone nor to do bad..I don't have a stable job and I'm not married..I've travelled around the world but have no friends though love my own company aswell as being a people's person..from young I carry this sadness, self pity, depression, anxiety with me up to now..I have no direction where I'm going in life..I was always spare of the moment and just floating through life..always laughing and smiling but now I don't know how to smile anymore..I cry heaps when I do but I try to hold back..I am my own worst enemy even though I have everything I need and more if I want I just can't grasp life and know how to live..I find it hard to make decisions incase I regret what I'm about to do where once I would just get up and do it and now I look back and regret everything, even if it's something little..I'm not living my life right now..I feel like a living dead..I have strong faith in Christianity so I pray everyday but I'm not a devoted..I pray that I see light, happiness etc..I have no one else to turn to..and now ive lost myself...I just have no idea about life or how to live.

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello ellinaki, thank you for your post and wishing you a very warm welcome to our very supportive community, where I am sure you will receive lots of good advice and support. I am so sorry to read about how difficult you are finding your life and how low and depressed you are feeling. You seem a very caring and kind person, not wanting to hurt your parents whom you love. But please know that it is because you are ill with mental health issues, that relationships with your parents, family and friends are strained and very difficult. With depression, it is most often that those we love and are closest to we hurt more, not intentionally or through our own fault, but because of being ill and unwell. So try not to be too hard on yourself or blame yourself for feeling low and for arguments with your parents. I wonder if it would help you to have a little chat with them, at the right moment and explain to them that you don't mean to hurt them or cause arguments or tension in the home, but it is happening because you are unwell and ask them for their support and understanding. Also try not to keep looking back at your life and regretting things you have done or not done, because that will only make you feel even more depressed and low. I am sure everyone thinks they could have done some things differently, but sometimes we have to do things at the time as it seems right. Maybe setting yourself some very small goals to start with, may be of help to you, even getting up out of bed even if you don't really feel like it, going for a short walk, making a cup of tea. Things like this may help you to feel more motivated and help to increase your self esteem and self worth. I wonder too if perhaps you would make an appointment to see you GP and explain how you are feeling, and that you have been feeling low and sad and anxious for a long time. You may benefit from treatment such as medication and counselling, where you can talk things through that are upsetting you, in privacy and in confidence. It really can help to have that unique space and time to explore feelings and thoughts and in turn to try and change our way of thinking, to feeling and trying to become more positive and see the world in a brighter and happier way. It takes time but it is possible with the right support to learn to cope better and feel better. In the meantime there are some organisations that you may find helpful.........

mind.org.uk/ Telephone......[phone]

Sane........offers emotional support and information Telephone..... [phone] pm 365 days a year

Anxiety UK... runs a Helpline weekdays between 9.30-5.30 pm ........Telephone [phone]

Samaritans are open 365 days of the year to offer a friendly and confidential listening ear...

Freephone......116 [e-mail] samaritans.org

Also you may find some helpful information in the pinned posts under the heading of Crisis Support and Mental Health Illnesses

I do hope this may be of help to you and perhaps our very kind community members can offer support to 'ellinaki', this would be very much appreciated. Let us know how you are getting on, with my very best wishes and kind regards to you and wish you well..........

[Hidden in reply to MAS_Nurse]

Thank you ..you have made some very true points some of which I'm aware but can't get my mind to focus..My Mind ping pongs backwards and forwards..One point you made which stands out for me is when you mentioned it is my illness which created conflict and not I...I feel so bad what it caused to others and lastly to myself..thanks once again..I keep reading your reply over and over coz it's so true..

[puddlediver]

I really feel for you, you sound so sad. I’ve found antidepressants work for me and stop the negative thoughts. I’ve also been using a variety of apps which are cbt based and seem helpful. Catch it, companion, moodkit, insight timer, calm. All of these are on apple store. Maybe on android too.

Another thing that helps me is listening to audio books and Spotify, although you may find concentrating difficult to listen to a book.

Best wishes. Lyv

[marigold22]

Hi, Sorry to give you a load of links. Basically it's now becoming clear to scientists that our mood, depression, anxiety are linked to our guts and not our brains. Diet certainly alters our mood - for good and for bad. The programme Trust me I'm a Doctor on BBC2 last night was about Mental Health. It shows ways of helping but also showed the proof that inflammation in the body or immune illnesses cause mental health problems. It's all really interesting stuff that's coming out. Our brains play tricks with us, and the effects can be deep depression, anxiety, paranoia, dwelling on things, etc. Please take a look at my links.

healthunlocked.com/mental-h.....

healthunlocked.com/mental-h...

healthunlocked.com/mental-h...

I hope these links all work

[DebbieG49]

Hi, I hope you received my personal email. Hang in there! Start now...a new beginning! Check out an inspiring video: youtu.be/_YIwPUQ2ftM(Not working as expected?)

[Hidden in reply to DebbieG49]

I can't get enough of you Debbie..there's just something about you, heaps actually...yeah this video is great, making me think alot..