Feeling up and down

[hh49]

Some days, I love life and being single is the best thing ever, I can focus on making loud heavy metal and I love listening to bands like Avatar and The Defiled and picking up my bass and playing along even if I don't know the notes and screaming along with the vocals. It makes me feel really good talking about it and I've heard some really good things about what people have said about me which makes me feel on top of the world even though I'm single. I keep noticing one girl looking at me but I don't even know who she is and I doubt she now who I am, I don't have the balls to go up to her and even if I did I wouldn't know what to say or do, she's quite attractive and she dresses quite emo like me haha.

The rest of the time however, I feel like writing a suicide note and just going to the train station and killing myself, I hate being single - no-one loves me and I don't love anyone, it's probably best like that but I can't help thinking that I need someone in my life just to keep me alive, this makes me sound really dependent on others which I'm not usually but I just want that one person who's there for me no matter what happens. Everyone is falling in love around me and I've just stuck myself in the social group which only focuses on gaming and tech. It's really sad but it's the only way I know that I won't get hurt by back-stabbers and being with those guys just makes me happy, I feel like people actually want me around because they like talking to me.

A good friend Lucy has been talking to me about her troubles with her ex and I've now become focused on helping people through this sort of thing, I found out that her ex has been manipulating her so I punched a huge hole in my wardrobe (probably not my best idea I know) but I just hate it when people I get close to and I care about, get hurt by some self-righteous mug (can't swear on the site, dam!).

I don't know what to do with myself and I know I can't go on like this anymore.

[ares]

It seems like you have commitment and trust issues.. I feel you

It's kind of normal.. Well as normal as we can be

Have u tried talking about it to someone else?

Someone you can trust?

Maybe you should try to take the leap of faith and try to date someone u really like.. someone reliable..

And about the girl, if ur sure u wont end up worsening the matter and u can really save her.. maybe you should tell her the truth about her ex.. and help her come out of her issues..

Helping others make u feel bettet about urself

It arises some sort of confidence..

And this may help ya overcome ur own issues

[hh49 in reply to ares]

I sort of block my issues by helping other people with hers. She knows she's been manipulated but she just can't get over him. I've spoken to about less than 15 people I trust (that has now gone down to less than 10) about it and they just say "it'll take time" and I'm fed up with it taking time

[ares in reply to hh49]

It will take time for what exactly?

Clearly ur undecided

But are u undecided about whether u want to be single or in a relationship?

Both have their respective advantages and disadvantages.

Both require risks.

And sadly life demands that of you.

I feel you because i'm in a similar situation.

But u dont have to get into a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship or because everyone else is getting into one.

It's a mess.. I know it is one..

And with the commitment and trust issues.. they just get worse.. I know

This is something u have to decide for your own

Bzw gaming and tech arent that bad..

Maybe u just need to feel more confident about yourself..

And this is something u should help urself with..

[hh49 in reply to ares]

You know that actually helps a lot, thanks

[SadAndBlue]

We all have ups and downs like this. I'm afraid it's called life. But that's no reason to end it. The ups are always worth the downs and the downs make us stronger. Trust me - in the future, you'll look back on these times and realise they've made you the person that you are.

I know it's hard but don't be in such a rush to be in a relationship. Relationships are hard work too. We all want something we don't have or think others have better. You should try focussing on all the things you do have and enjoy doing - just enjoy what you have! You sound like you're really into your music - that's great! If you're happy with yourself, others are more likely to respond positively to you too. Maybe then you'll find the balls to speak to girls you like?

There's absolutely nothing wrong with hanging round with genuine people that make you happy. Gaming and tech isn't sad if you enjoy it. You just need to care a bit less about what others think of you and embrace what you enjoy! I always find the gamers and geeks to be truly lovely, genuine people. If you have the confidence to do what you enjoy without judging yourself for it, maybe you'll realise that's okay? If it makes you happy, go for it

Have a good one xx

[hh49 in reply to SadAndBlue]

Thank you so much, haha I almost started crying when I was reading that..

[SadAndBlue]

Hope it helped - now stop moping around and go enjoy yourself ;p

[hh49 in reply to SadAndBlue]

Haha, I intend to, might go for a run or to the gym later

[Hidden]

Hi hh49 it sounds to me like you have a pretty good life - music which you love, good friends who like you etc. Why rush to get into something messy like a serious relationship? And I must say this - stop looking for someone who will always be there for you and will love you no matter what. This rarely happens and don't forget if you get this with a woman you need to reciprocate it and always be there for her too. It isn't a one way street you know. You might have to compromise and cut back on other things you love - is it worth it? Be more realistic and don't expect another person to give their life to you. This is not real life.

You sound like you rush from one extreme to another - remember life is rarely black and white but shades of grey. Everything in life comes with a price...

I hope this has helped. Take care. xx

[hh49 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks so much

[WantToChange]

Can I just say that most people end up disappointed in relationships.

In terms of someone "being there" for you. The people who are most likely to fulfil this are your friends and family.

Don't get me wrong, there are some lucky people out there who meet their one true love who will never let them down and enlighten their lives. But more often than not, the partner brings even more problems into your life that you'll have to cope with.

In my experience I have usually found that I give the guy everything (my loyalty, love and my promise that I'll do anything if they need me). But hey, that usually gets thrown back in my face at some point (usually after I have fallen for the guy which is unfortunate).

I'm not even trying to be overly-negative here, I'm literally just going on my experience. Relationships suck in general, unless you meet that one person who will treat you well. But honestly being single is so much easier. There is no-one who will steal from me behind my back and no one to turn me down when i want sex! I have found that I don't want sex even half as much when there is no one there to tempt me haha. I got turned down pretty much every time I came onto my most recent ex and I'll tell you, it hurts.

If there is no one there to hurt you and reject you then you can't be disappointed. I know this sounds negative, but it is so so true. I feel I am being realistic, and if that sounds negative well that just happens to be my llife experience lol.

Feeling lonely is better than falling for someone and thereby giving them the power to hurt you. I am more comfy in my own with being single this time around. I'm realising love isn't all it's cracked up to be. It was good for my ex's because they had someone there for them who they could mess around, but for me it wasn't all the movies cracked it up to be!

Sorry to be brief at the end here but I just finished work so gotta go. I hope you realise that your friends are the ones who will stick by you, because people tend to just rip you off in relationships! So trust me, you're better off x

[hh49 in reply to WantToChange]

Thank you, that really helped

[WantToChange in reply to hh49]

I think it's important to see the good in yourself. You don't need a man to complete you. By saying this and meaning it, I know how far I have come given how desperate I was before. I'm not saying I will never meet "the One". But I don't want to sit around waiting for him to come along and complete me either.

Giving yourself goals in life helps. For example, I want to get fit again. I plan to go back to fitness classes after I get my shoulder fixed. In my last relationship I let myself get unbearably unfit and I put on 1.5 stone in weight. I feel a little disgusted that my size 12 jeans no longer fit without cutting into my stomach when I sit down and giving me a tummy ache. And it has been a long time since my skinny jeans fit me haha. I plan to get back into those eventually! i.e. I want to look good again lol.

I look on my previous relationships as experiences I have learned from. I can't help but care for the guy I'm with but I know now that I should keep a part of my life separate from him. For example, don't quit the gym just because the guy wants to see me more often and don't see my friends less often either! It's about keeping your own identity at all times. You can't lose yourself and I've done this a couple of times now. I discovered a lot about myself in my last relationship. He helped me to be myself and to help me accept my disability. I am truly grateful to him for that. But in the end it was heartbreaking for me to not be with him. And I lived with him so it meant I saw friends less. But that was ok because I gained life experience and lived away from my parents house.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there is good and bad to being single/in a relationship. You need to focus on the good within your current situation...

You don't have a woman nagging you to spend more time with her instead of with your band and friends! Women can get possessive, as much as we try not to be most of us just need the reassurance and it comes across as being clingy. Having a girlfriend has it's downsides too!

You're welcome x