Anyone used to feel like this?? Gimme some advice...

[Moka21]

I often have suicidal thought because i can't find any meaning in life. Yeah that one sentence probably sum up how my life is. I used to look up on the internet about this problem and i see a lot of people said that if u just need to live for yourself do charity work and live the best version of yourself etc. But after seeing all of these 'living for yourself' stuff i got even more depressed and i realized sth. I don't own my life. I'm currently a freshman in college and up until now I've never made my own decision in anything. I live the way other people want me to. I'm not brave enough to stand up and speak for myself. For example, I've never wanted to enter college. I want to be a chef because i love cooking. but i have to because my mom want me to enter college and i can't even pick my own major. No one have ever listen to what i said. I live in a place where mental illness is not taken seriously that's why all i can do is sharing my story here bcuz i know i will not be judged here. And seeing how much hardship everyone here have been through it makes my problem seems like nth at all. I don't know how long i can endure this but I'm gonna keep living not for anyone but for myself....(:

[MAS_Nurse]

Hello Moka21

Thank you for your message, what a difficult time you are having right now.

You are brave as it is not easy to share all you have with us, so that is such a positive move to make.

Have you talked things through with anyone? Perhaps you could consider this.

You might consider talking things through with a doctor who can offer you more help with this.

Our members are very supportive, so may also offer more help and advice and experience.

If you feel as you do the Samaritans have 24hr Freephone 116123.

MIND can also offer more information and support mind.org.

Perhaps you can tell us more about how things have been for you ?

keep in touch

Best wishes

[Moka21 in reply to MAS_Nurse]

Thank you

I've always appreciated how much this community and its members have helped me (:

[Stilltrying_]

It must be difficult for you living in Cambodia, with not much mental health support system? I am glad you are able to post on this community.

It is very difficult living the life that others expect of you and not the one you want but often this is expected in many communities and maybe this is the case with yours?

It sounds like you are suffering from depression though also. Do you have any medication or any help with this?

You are always welcome to talk about your situation on here. xx

[Moka21 in reply to Stilltrying_]

I suffered from depression and i used to take medication but i stop after a while. And it came back and it gets even worse than before. I can't afford treatment because it's too expensive and i can't ask my family for help... (:

I think I've always been suffering from depression my entire life. It's just that before i have absolutely no knowledge about the term depression or mental illness.

Later on, when i realized what I've always felt is depression i started asking for help but yeah that's when everyone started to label me as dramatic and emotional.

Then i never brought the 'depression' topic up with family or friends.

(I'm not very good at English)

[LosingHope805]

Cook my friend ... learn new recipes in your free time and learn to find yourself .....positive energy and vibes from California.

[Moka21 in reply to LosingHope805]

Aww thanks I'll try too be as positive as possible.

Btw I'm from Cambodia (:

[AppsFun]

I know in education feeling repressed and under control. I also know when you want to do a particular subject you like but can’t, can feel like a big blow. All of this is negative. Focusing on what your not being allowed to do, is bound to get anyone down.

Education, routine and learning is hard and difficult. Going to lessons on time, sitting and listening to things you may feel at this particular time aren’t important.

You do learn things that might not feel relevant. You go on and gain knowledge that helps you do what you are interested in. For example I wasn’t interested in Maths and wasn’t good at it. Without a good grade in Maths, I wasn’t able to follow my passion. That made me feel horrible but I have managed to retake my Maths in adult learning, passed and can do things I never had a clue I would be doing.

I enjoy art and loved doing it at college, I didn’t do well in the grade. I still enjoy art but it is not a career. Maybe this is what you need to do in cooking. I didn’t have a clue what else I could do. Do well now and you will be in a better position to go and do other things.

You might start to enjoy college with a slight change in the way of thinking about it. You may find following your passion outside of college leads to something good.

Enjoy the small things in life. Like enjoying sunsets, certain food or drink, the act of doing something, the smell of something and the feeling of something nice.

Best wishes.

Mat.

[Moka21 in reply to AppsFun]

Education and family have always been my main obstacle in life. To make it i don't have anyone to rely on. I'm not good at socializing so i don't really have friends. I'm glad that everyone here take their time and give me advice

(Sorry for my bad English)

[AppsFun in reply to Moka21]

Your English is good, I’ve seen a lot worse. It’s a positive thing.

I hope you find problems falling away one by one. Yes, new problems may come but just like obstacles in our life. We find ways around them.

So maybe certain barriers are a blessing and although we may want to break the barrier, it may just be fate.

Whatever you believe I do wish you well on your continued journey.

Take care.

Mat

[Moka21 in reply to AppsFun]

Thanks Mat (: