Feeling lost

[moo22]

I feel like I don't have a right to have the feelings which I have. I have a very stressful job and have had an unlucky year. But the feelings that I am having are not new I've been having them for years and recently my own thoughts have scared me. I think about how life is so tough, just everyday little struggles (never mind the bigger issues) and sometimes I feel like I am not a strong enough person to live forever. I feel like when Im alone I am a different person to who I am when I am with people. I complete despair, sometimes for no reason at all. I know I have a life that so many people would love to have, but I just can't be happy. The constant feeling of fear and panic cause me to break down emotionally at small things and I feel like no one else will understand. Even when Im feeling good for a while I feel like the bad feelings are just below me like a pool of sharks waiting to drag me under. I know I need to visit my GP but I don't know what to say to them to make them understand. I don't look sick, I look like a normal happy person, but inside there is a constant struggle. I don't know how to help myself, even writing this I feel like I am being dramatic.... or stupid. What can I do?

[Photogeek]

Hi Imthink you need to tell the GP what you have written here, don't worry as Dr. Will

Be used to asking the right questions. You have nothing to lose and it's the only

Way to improve. Good luck.

Hannah 

[secondhandrose2 in reply to Photogeek]

I agree Hannah, in fact I think taking a printout would be helpful. xx

[Olderal]

Dear Moo, you're not being dramatic or stupid. However good one's circumstances if you suffer from depression you'll feel awful. Many of us have gone through what you are going through,sometimes many times, and most of us survive and enjoy long spells of happiness.

However as Hannah says you should see your GP--fighting this thing is not easy and you might well need in fact you will almost certainly need , some medical help to beat it, and you will beat it . The fact you have a stressful job makes it difficult but there is an important upside to this. It forces you to continue normal life and human contact which are very important. 

You must be quite good at keeping up a good front (which takes a lot of courage). That is good as the fewer people who know the better. It would help you if there is a family member or a very close friend you can share this with, but it should be someone who's discretion you trust absolutely. As encouragement iImanaged to keep my fairly serious depression hidden successfully for my entire working career.Only my wife knew and was a good support (apart from my GP of course). 

I don't want to make this too long but if you want the reasons I chose this route I could detail them ,together with some practical tips on how I managed this . Just post on here and ask or send me a PM and I'll send you a PM.

You're right about the sharks, but I think you'd be surprised at how many people have your feelings and sensibly IMO keep them hidden. If you don't have a confidante you can trust this forum is a good substitute for sharing your problems and its anonymous.

Olderal

[moo22 in reply to Olderal]

Thank you for responding. It is a great relief to see from reading in the forum that other people seem to have similar feelings.  Its hard to put into words, I have kept thinking things will be better when I get passed this or when thats over Il start after this etc. But recently iv realised that life seems to just be endless things to get through and get passed (not all negative of course just everyday life) , and in the process I am not enjoying the stages, and now that I have realised that I want to stop and enjoy them, but its a continual cycle and no matter how many times I give myself this same pep talk I always end up back with these feelings, the sharks won't let me be happy they just keep creeping back.  I worry because I am so young  at 23 and I have so much to look forward to, yet everything is masked in a feeling of anxiety and worry. I worry about things that may or may not happen in 10 years which I know is crazy. I can confide in my partner and he is very understanding, but I worry about revealing the full extent of my feeling as I don't want to scare him.  

Id appreciate any advice or tips you have for me. 

Thank you 

[sarah0779 in reply to moo22]

Honestly, i'm sitting here in tears reading your posts as it's almost identical to how I feel. I'm also of a similar age, with no 'real problems' in my life. I've had bad things happen, but I know far happier people in far worse situations. 

"I have kept thinking things will be better when I get passed this or when thats over Il start after this etc. But recently iv realised that life seems to just be endless things to get through and get passed (not all negative of course just everyday life) , and in the process I am not enjoying the stages, and now that I have realised that I want to stop and enjoy them, but its a continual cycle and no matter how many times I give myself this same pep talk I always end up back with these feelings" 

- this really hits the nail on the head for me. This is exactly what has happened for me over the last 10 years or so.  

"I feel like when Im alone I am a different person to who I am when I am with people. I complete despair, sometimes for no reason at all. I know I have a life that so many people would love to have, but I just can't be happy. The constant feeling of fear and panic cause me to break down emotionally at small things and I feel like no one else will understand" 

- this again really resonates with me. 

Not much point to this post other than to show you aren't alone in what you believe to be crazy thoughts. Depression and anxiety is real and doesn't discriminate who it will affect. Definitely talk to your GP, I was scared the first time I went and thought I wouldn't be taken seriously but i've seen 4 different doctors now over the years and all have been incredibly kind and sensitive over the matter and a huge help. 

[BettyA]

Hi There,  Moo... I really think Al and Hannah have given such great advice, and I agree with them... similar to what Hannah said, I was thinking you could copy and print what you have written to us and give a copy to your GP.... you described it all wonderfully... and oh YES, the 'sun will come out again'.... sometimes its just hard to believe.

 If you do this, I believe your dr will appreciate it, and would wish that his other patients could express themselves like you can! Don't hold back... just make sure you DO ask any and all questions! Don't think they aren't important and don't worry about what you are afraid the dr might think... they have heard it all! And that IS what they are there for!! You take good care now. We are all pulling for you! BettyA

[BonnieSue]

I agree with everyone else...pick up the phone and call your doctor for an appointment now. Make a copy of what you have said here and hand this to your Dr. Then do what your Dr. says to do. Probably he or she will start you on some medicine for depression and anxiety and maybe recommend some counseling--2 very good ideas. Then you will be on your way to feeling much better and much more like your normal self. It will still take some time, but it will happen for you. Let us know how you're doing when you start to feeling better, will you?

[Hidden]

Please do not be concerned about visiting your GP, you  would be taken aback how many people these days suffer from Depression and need to take medications for an extended period.

When you say you are not strong enough to live forever, none on here will have that chance, we continue on our pathways that points us to our destinies.

Talk to your GP He will understand feelings and upset then try and help. 

If you need a chat you know where we are, let us know how you get on

BOB