I'm 23 and I feel lost and alone

[ZoeSlayage]

Hi everyone my name is Zoe I'm 23 years old and I feel like I have no purpose in my life I battle with my mental health issues bipolar disorder anxiety and suicidal thoughts literally every day I feel like a waste of space a failure and unwanted and unloved just recently at 22 I'm going to be 23 in August I tried to do something new and actually tried to pretend to be happy and I actually started to feel happy for a bit but most days I'm in the house I've been in the house for months now and I just don't like going outside anymore and today I push myself to go grocery shopping alone all I had there was a ride I was sweating so bad but I did it and I'm proud of myself but soon as I go home my mom's friend tells me she thinks I'm never going to leave the house not only her but all my cousins my aunties and my mom always tells me that they think I'm going to be the one that would never leave the house and will stay with my mom until she passes away and I don't know why but it makes me feel even more s***** than I already do I was really proud of myself today but now I know to other people eyes I've been knew that they don't see the things I do as a that much of accomplishment because a lot of people my age have no problem doing things like that but for some reason for me it's super hard I was tooting my own horn but it completely ruined my whole mood why don't anyone understand that things don't have an overnight and that baby steps is how I get there everyone makes me feel bad for not doing things that people my age do it's not like I'm not trying I'm just doing it the best that I know how I don't have any friends I'm not really close with my family or my siblings I just feel alone and every relationship I had failed so I took a break from dating it's been 5 months so far I'm just sick of this I feel like nothing I do is right or good enough and I just don't know how to get my life together most days I dream about moving out and knowing how to drive and literally leaving my whole entire family behind me and living life happy and independently but yeah please give me feedback you guys I'm feeling so alone right now and I'm feeling so useless and dumb thank you

[Louiseone]

Struggling with mental health challenges like bipolar disorder, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts can make it feel like you lack purpose in life. However, seeking support from a specialized treatment center like spravato treatment center, can provide effective therapies and interventions to help you regain a sense of purpose, find stability, and develop coping mechanisms for a healthier mental state. Remember, you're not alone, and reaching out for help is a courageous step towards healing and finding meaning in your life.

[ZoeSlayage in reply to Louiseone]

Ty I'm currently looking into that I forgot to mention on top of that I live with my mom and have constant threats of being put out today she went out of her way to tell her friend that I told my brother what she said abt me being the last to Leave it started a huge argument n it ended with me being called a victimizer and being told how my siblings whisper so that I won't hear them talking about me which isn't true but if it is I don't really care anymore I know she'll let me in the house again but I just can't deal with this anymore I would prefer not to be homeless but at the same time I'm just going to take my chances because I can't deal with living here anymore and constantly feeling like I'm the bad guy for speaking my opinion I do have like crippling anxiety but maybe this will be a good thing for me teach me how to get out the house and how to do stuff without help that way I won't need anyone ever again so I rather be homeless then somewhere I'm not happy or wanted I'm hard enough on myself everyday I don't need anyone else put in their opinions or making me feel even lower than I already am

[MentallyExhausted in reply to ZoeSlayage]

as a mother myself it urkes my nerve when I here that a parent is talking about kicking there child out. I’m so sorry you have to deal with hearing that . You keep on doing you and celebrate anything you want to! Because you deserve it! I myself actually make a three item list every day and since I started it has helped me so much my list sometimes is stupid things but I love to feel accomplished so I’ll write on it like fold 3 shirts from the basket, wash any fork or spoon I use after I’m done like very simple things but I used those on the worst days so that way it made the worst days better because no I didn’t lay around all day I accomplished all of my goals for the day.

[Hidden]

Hi Zoe, you describe living with so many difficult things. Bipolar disorder and anxiety with suicidal thoughts on top of that, that is so much to experience and I imagine it makes it so much worse when your mom’s friend says those things. It is really commendable that you got yourself to go to the grocery store!! This is something I struggle so much with. I think you should keep feeling proud of yourself no matter what and know that you are not dumb or useless because there are so many incredible things about you even if you can't see them at the moment. You have your own pace and from what you say, I think you are probably a really lovely person who will get to discover more and more parts of yourself that others admire too. I think you should keep making the small steps especially if it is helpful to you because that is what matters most. Having some distance from your family could be really helpful, I know it has been for me. One of the things my therapist told me was to start deep breathing and pay attention to specific sensory experiences (like ‘mindfulness’ stuff) when I begin feeling panicky. I know it’s kind of generic advice, but sometimes it can help. Also, the daydreaming can be helpful because you get to envision the life that you deserve. ❤️

[ZoeSlayage in reply to Hidden]

Ty that means a lot and you seem lovely as well I appreciate the kind words and I appreciate you understanding everyday is about people think I should be doing way more than I am but they don't know that I'm struggling every single day mentally to even live ❤️

[Silversquid]

You are absolutely right that getting out is something to celebrate and that certainly should be proud of! It’s sounds like a positive step forward and like you say, small steps IS the way forward. I feel very sorry that the reaction from those around you wasn’t more positive and encouraging. To give them the benefit of the doubt maybe their thinking was that putting you under that kind of pressure would force you to take a bigger leap and in some weird way they thought they were helping you? Obviously that’s not the way to go about it but sadly many people lack the understanding of how to approach mental health and sometimes because they’ve never been through it themselves find it impossible to relate to. Please don’t let them prevent you from making progress! If you can summon the same strength that got you to the grocery store to keep setting yourself small but achievable goals then you will get there. Next time you might only stay out 5 mins longer or go to a different store, or maybe your goal is just to do the same again, it doesn’t matter how small, it’s all progress. As a mum of someone who suffers severe depression and anxiety I know how important it is to recognise all the little wins. If it’s something you find hard but you did it anyway, or even just mustered the will to try, then that’s a win! I wonder if there is anyone else in your local area you could talk face to face to about this, someone who can share in your successes and cheer you on to keep going? I’ve no idea how the system works in the US regarding support so someone else would have to advise but sounds like you could use it. I wish you lots of strength and hope you can keep moving ahead.

[ZoeSlayage in reply to Silversquid]

Thank you so much I appreciate you and I'm happy that your child has such a supportive mother and I appreciate you understanding all this and you got to think being a young adult people expect so much of you but they don't really look at your whole life to see what they issue really is and if you tell people most people really don't care so the world definitely needs more people like you ❤️ and thank you I'm also going back to get therapy I'm currently enrolled in two therapy places mostly cuz people are concerned but also my therapist knows I can get better

[MentallyExhausted]

I am also 22 and it drives me insane my boyfriend in my example his favorite line is He has depression and he still functions. I have tried to explain to him on multiple occasions everyone is different just like one person can eat peanut butter but another may swell up and have an allergic reaction. To me though when he does it I feel like it will send me backward and it makes my depression worse. My thoughts go out to you just stay strong and try to consider that they are we will say lucky enough to not be able to understand and it’s truly a hard concept to grasp but I would recommend that you have a counselor you speak with talk to them and ask if they would be willing to do a family session so you can have someone there that does understand and may be able to explain it in a way they understand it if that makes sense.

[ZoeSlayage in reply to MentallyExhausted]

Yeah my ex used to be the same way used to tell me you never go out you never get dressed and when you get dressed you just stay in the house what's the point of even getting dressed and that's why this year I decided to take a break from dating because I have no time to be below for my family my significant other and feeling like the world eyes is on me so I can understand exactly how you feel girl don't give up ❤️