Lost a lot of hope: I'm struggling... - Mental Health Sup...

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Lost a lot of hope

Kittykatxxxxx
Kittykatxxxxx

I'm struggling daily with my depression . But what I'm finding really hard is learning more about depression etc. and comparing myself to others . Basically I thought everyone felt like me(depressed) and they don't .

I would like to find a relationship but everyone I've had has been abusive /they have cheated .Every method I try fails . It's hard not to compare to other people enjoying their life . I don't enjoy anything .EVERYTHING I want seems out of reach to me ( getting married, a stable career , kids etc). It's so frustrating because even my abusive ex seems to have met someone.

I live with ever impending doom, I don't feel I have a future. My biggest fear is living with my parents forever particularly my mentally ill dad. I can't afford to move out . I've got some online Skype therapy coming up . I just don't know where to start.

I'm just ranting really . Thanks for reading .

12 Replies
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Most people live their lives by happenstance and give little thought to what they would really like . For instance they make the assumption that they will have kids some day, but no thought as to how they will support those children or educate them.Before you get anywhere near that part of your life you need to really give some thought as to the kind of life you want that to be. Have you gone to college or a trade school. Something that will see you through so you are able to support yourself. This will eliminate living with parents and abusive partners. When you're at college or working at a career oriented job you will find friends with similar traits and your social life will come from there.This probably seems overwhelming to you but its a one step at a time process. Once you get started and see your plan taking shape it gets exciting. At some point along your journey you will meet someone. Make sure it's a person who will appreciate all you have become. Don't get things backwards like partner or kids first, that makes it very difficult to achieve your dreams.Start by deciding what you like to do, check out local resources for part time jobs, often you can work at the college or school you are attending. a work and learn program. Talk to people you can find answers in the most surprising places. Pam

Hello thanks but i have a degree and I've tried to other studying aswell . I've done voluntary work . I've got a full time job now . I can't do anymore than that. I'm in my late 20s. I've tripped up at every single hurdle and I've always been depressed . I've got no pleasure out of anything due to horrible circumstances ( bullied at school , uni , in friendships and relationship ) . I can't see it changing . I try my best but everyone seems to get on but me .

Kitty, I'm sorry if I was simplifying your problem. I wonder if you have tried religion? It gives your life structure, and purpose. I know it's not for everyone, but it's a way of life that leaves you less alone.

Hi i hear what you are saying all the best to you

Thanks Paul

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Kitty

Talk to your GP, your main problem seems to be self worth. If you continue down a pathway of self loathing it will make you more depressed.

Some people pick up with someone through dating agencies they can and do work.

Are you having any treatment arranged by your GP ??? That is your first Port of Call

BOB

Hi, Yes my dogs are really cute, that picture was taken a while ago, they are three and a half now but still brill little dogs. There are not many people walk past them and don't smile. I like that because I feel I have brought something nice into a persons day.

What about a dog? They are great companions and will never cheat on you or lie. I feel I get on better with animals than I do people, I find them easier to understand, well most of the time any way.

Don't despair you will find someone nice one day that will treat you right.

I met my wife whilst I was working in Germany, on a night I was working behind the social club bar.

We got on well, she could speak fluent German, she was English, her mother was German and she had lived in Germany for twenty five years.

We met in October 1996 and were married in December, people said it wouldn't last but we were together for 20 years until her untimely death in January this year. My wife was only 54 and was very doctor phobic, it was, Kidney disease, Pneumonia and Diabetes that killed her. The Diabetes wasn't satisfied with destroying her eye site it took her from me as well.

But with help from Cruse Bereavement Care, one to one counselling and a local group of people in the same situation things have slowly improved.

I start training with the local hospital radio tomorrow, I have joined a local amateur radio club and I go running with a group from a local church.

There are things to get involved with out there, I know it is hard but after the first time you start to get to know people. I have made some new friends and hope I continue to do so.

Please don't despair it can and will get better.

I know, I have suffered with Anxiety and depression for over 40 years.

Take care.

Regards, laverdasf

Thanks so much for the reply . I am actually looking for a dog at the moment . So sorry to hear about your wife , but I am pleased cruse were able to support you . Best wishes .

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Kitty

Our Dog, called Pax is a Collie, when He jumps on your knee we get squashed. Get one that can be comfortable on your knee. You will get cuddles then Lol

BOB

Depression and Anxiety are very cruel. I was bullied pretty bad through junior school. That just reinforced my dislike for myself. I liked people and just wanted to be liked back, but my kindness and empathic attitude doesn't work well in a sometimes cruel and unfair world.

I could go more into that but right now you are dealing with depression. I am starting to think that depressed and anxious people are also,"big picture" people. Maybe those with a good imagination. I maybe stereotyping. But we tend to see the big picture including the future and all its possibilities including all that could go wrong. And we can do this with very little effort and in a matter of seconds. I think this either gets us overwhelmed, fearful, and even possible making too safe of choice to avoid painful situations. In other words our powerful brilliant minds kind of get ourselves stuck in a rut.

I do it all the time but I am having to learn to live in the moment. Now I also see a therapist once a week and take meds as well so I am no master.

But first I would encourage you to be kind to yourself. You don't have to have everything figured out. You need rest. You need to become a bit selfish not to worry what others think. There is no standard you have to live up to. You don't have to save anyone. And you really don't need anyone. You are a brilliant and wonderful person just on your own. You have a purpose. And you have gifts this world needs and you are the only one designed to bring these special gifts to this sometimes cruel and unfair world.

Please see a doctor about depression if you can. Also a therapist can help. But if you can't please keep posting here. We need each other and we need you. Your life and the good and bad things that have happened are a story that will help and encourage others.

Just start small. Be sure you are getting out of bed. I don't know how bad the depression has gotten for you. But little steps and little routines can become such life giving blessings. Please keep us up to date. There are people here for you. Please share.

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I was bullied when young and it can really slow you down as we get older.

One problem we have after Further Education is finding someone with similar interests and attitude to life in general. Many people including girls go with the popular ones that can have an attitude to life that was driven by their assertiveness at school, many may have been bullies. This can make problems and relationships can fail.

In life a person when young may look towards the aforementioned and most of these relationships can eventually become problematic, although given time the person has lost self worth because of that partners attitude, they become trapped by crushing, negative actions, making a break seem a problem because their confidence has taken a knock.

We all go out with unsuitable people at some time in our early lives, we need to make positive decisions eventually. We start and look for a Mate more in keeping to our needs. It can take a brave person to look beyond the negative to the positive. It can also take a great deal of time to find that right Partner.

My Wife was from up country here She moved south, then moved back we eventually met.

The chances of the meeting were very unusual and we eventually after several years found a link to our families way back. So life has ways of introducing you to someone suitable, you need to be persistent and patient, someone like you with same interests and intelligence is out there. You will know the person when you meet them

BOB

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Hello Kittykat

First of all please try not to compare yourself with other people. I know it's hard but, it is not helpful to you, try to concentrate on you. It may be wise to visit your GP to review your medication and also maybe ask for some counselling for self-esteem and/or self-confidence issues.

I am picking up that you may not like yourself very much at the moment. By looking at self-esteem issues etc with the support of a counsellor you can begin to learn to love yourself. Once you love yourself you become much more self aware and can make the right decisions for you e.g a healthy relationship and hopefully the rest will follow.

Good luck in your journey kittykat, and remember one day at a time.

Lottie

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