This morning I woke up and I smiled and for 10 seconds I forgot about my life, my pain my unhappiness.
Then realisation hit me that I'm alone, worthless, unwanted and pointless.
I've tried to reach out to different people in my life and they don't want to know, made excuses or just think I'm pathetic and not worth the time. It's like I don't exist. My family live in a house with me and they haven't spoken to me in weeks. So I tried to face the fact that I'm alone and make plans and choices for my future. I realised... I don't want one, I just want the constant pain to stop.
I've tried overdose with pills on a few occasions and failed. I know another way that will work but I don't want the people around me to find me, I know I'll be dead but I can't hear the selfish, pathetic comments already.
Then I thought go to a hotel, I don't wanna hurt someone seeing me that way either but I just can't do it anymore. I get paid next week, so I have a week to figure it out.
I have my first counselling session today too, so I lll see how that goes too.
I just want someone to love me and tell me it's going to be ok, it'll be ok and you're wanted but I know it's not and I need to face that. 😓