Unsure what to do anymore: For a long... - Mental Health Sup...

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Unsure what to do anymore

whitelightning0 profile image
7 Replies

For a long while I've had depression and anxiety. I never got diagnosed with Depression, Anxiety and OCD. I was always told I was fine, I'm just shy and I don't have OCD because I can be a bit messy. Once I got help I felt a little better I was put on anti depressants and got given therapy. But for a while I felt like I was getting a lot worse and no one was listening to me. But lately I just can't get out of bed, I feel like there is a ton of bricks on top of me. I won't even get up to make anything to eat for myself, it feels impossible. I've been missing out on special events and appointments because I can't do it. I haven't slept right for two months now. I can stay up for days and then sleep for a couple of hours or if I'm lucky sleep for like 4 hours a day or less. I have been having a lot of panic attacks even just the thought of going outside and facing people makes me extremely nervous. I have been having a lot of thoughts about suicide because I just can't take it anymore. I hate feeling and acting the way I am. I've tried getting help from my friends and boyfriend but no one seems to be very supportive. I asked a big favor to someone. I asked if they could pick up some stuff for me after having a breakdown. I just got told to man up (fyi I'm a girl). Because the way I have been, I've been letting everything start slipping, especially housework. I asked a friend if they could just help me clear up some things (i know its awful to ask) but they refused and just got told to stop being lazy. I've been trying to get into contact with my therapist but once again shes been ignoring my calls or get told she'll "she'll call me back".

I feel like I can't handle anything anymore and no one i actually talk to really wants to help out. I can't stop just lying there and cry. It got so much worse just before my boyfriend moved out (still together moved out for different reasons) and because I am completely alone I don't have that person to help me up, to convince me to do things to help etc. It was late, I never ask anyone to do anything for me only when I am desperate for help. I felt like I couldn't do it anymore and I told someone that I don't want to do it anymore. They laughed and made the joke of "same" because that's the joke for people my age to say these things when they don't mean it. I just feel like I'm ready to just let go of everything and not be here anymore.

Everything is getting too difficult, no one is there, i feel so completely alone and feel like I can't fit in anywhere. I've stopped talking to family, friends and my boyfriend because I can't go on social media or call, I don't do housework because i see no point, I stopped doing things I love because I don't see any enjoyment anymore.

P.S I have been brought to my attention I've been forgetting to do things. I know it's normal. But I don't really remember a lot of things, I have been forgetting people in general that I know personally, I forget the day, I forget literally every single thing in my life. I didn't know and I feel like it has gotten pretty bad. Since when I try to think about yesterday I don't know any single detail. The fact that I have been forgetting people close to me is scaring me and feel like it's related to depression.

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whitelightning0
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7 Replies
Rachms11 profile image
Rachms11

Hey there, reading your post sounds just like me. I'm 26 and have struggled a lot with depression and anxiety fir about 10 years now. I feel really bad and tired this week. I just got back from being in Greece for 3 weeks with my best friend and not once did I feel anxiety or depression!

It breaks my heart to return home and instantly feel down and miserable again. Even living with my bf. Hes been great about it all but he doesn't know I suffer like this. I don't want him to know either.

My parents know but I feel they don't fully understand of want to know about my problems so I feel very alone :( I live in a rural area and have access to a counsellor once a month, who I have to drive nearly 160km to see. Ive seen her for a few years now but feel shes not really helping me cope. we just seem to talk over and over about my overthinking etc and past problems. always here if u want to message me x

whitelightning0 profile image
whitelightning0 in reply to Rachms11

I'm sorry what you've been through and of course can understand! I also get not wanting your boyfriend to know all of this. I'm the same with everyone around me, I thought it was a good idea to let people know but it didn't turn out very well. I can't blame them as they don't fully understand and it's a hard thing to explain. Thank-you for the reply and it's nice of you to be willing to hear me talk. I hope all the best to you! x

MAS_Nurse profile image
MAS_Nurse

Hi there,

Welcome to this supportive community. I really think you need to go and speak to your doctor about all this and you are feeling and behaving. Ask for a referral to your local mental health team and get a proper diagnosis. It's always tempting to self-diagnose, but it's not helpful. Make a list of your symptoms, keep a diary of how it is affecting you. We are a supportive lot here, but we are no substitute for professional medical help. I'm sure though you will find folks here will share willingly from their similar experiences.

It is unclear which country you reside in, but check out our Pinned Post section for free mental health guides, international crisis support helplines:

healthunlocked.com/mental-h...

If you live in the UK keep these crisis support helplines handy:

The Samaritans Tel: 116 123 [24 hours line]

NHS: 999 [Emergencies]

NHS 111 [Non-Emergencies]

MIND UK charity: Helpline Tel: 0300 123 3393 info@mind.org.uk Text: 86463 mind.org.uk/information-sup...

SANEline Tel: 0300 304 7000 [4.30pm – 10.30pm daily] sane.org.uk/

Keep in touch! Ok, folks what can you suggest to help this new member?

Best wishes,

MAS Nurse

whitelightning0 profile image
whitelightning0 in reply to MAS_Nurse

I want to thank you for the response. I did get a diagnosis of what's wrong (which was Depression, Anxiety and OCD) and got two referrals for the NHS therapy (I live in the UK) the first time the woman told me because I haven't attempted suicide I'm okay (it was very unprofessional) and I won't need further help. Later on I asked about seeing them again and the woman never bothers to give me appointments. I did talk to my doctor and he told me to keep trying to get an appointment (I've been trying since Feb). I'm sorry if I wasn't very clear on my post, I haven't been thinking very clearly. I made the post hoping for maybe some advice or a little self help advice to even give me a little boost. Thank you again!

Chris-1201 profile image
Chris-1201 in reply to whitelightning0

Hi - I know what you are going through and so called professional help can just be frustrating and make things worse. You can talk to me if it helps? I get very low points and have been through a lot but if anyone meets me they just think I’m fine.

LokiDokey profile image
LokiDokey

Hi there, sounds like you are having a real hard time of it, and it sounds so similar to my situations I've been through (and still going through). You sound so hurt and lonely it's prompted me to create an account and reply to try help in what little way I can :)

I've been diagnosed with moderate to severe depression with generalised anxiety. I understand the difficulties when first facing the darkness that is depression, and the shaking sick fear of anxiety.

The best advice I can give is go to your GP, and be open and honest. It's hard at first as your usual self will want to be accommodating and friendly, but with the GP tell it like it is. Tell them you can't sleep, your thoughts are racing, you feel alone and isolated, you're too tired to do household chores, and importantly tell them it's seriously affecting your life and that you feel suicidal. The GP can start and alter medication, and either get the referrals to mental health started, or show you the websites to self-refer to.

The important thing is language. Depending on your friends and family and how you communicate, they may not be getting the point on how low you are, eg saying "I feel suicidal right now, can I talk to you about it?" in a serious tone, or "I'm really not feeling myself at the moment and could use your help with collecting some items or tidying this room" may make a difference.

you may need to try different anti depressants and/or anti anxiety medication until you find one that helps. I had to try 3 until the 4th is working on my depression. It makes my body tired (like a ton of bricks as you say!) and have lack of focus, but the dark black thoughts that made me cry and impulsive aren't there, which to me is a good pay off. It also makes me care less about things, both good and bad, but I don't get so "it's-the-end-of-the-world" if I drop and ruin my phone, if someone sees my messy house, or if I run out of milk.

I also have anti anxiety medicine that as a side affect makes me sleepy so I take that at night, but it stops the racing thoughts at night when you're just lying there.

Other small tips:

If you read your phone at night in bed then use a blue light filter app on it, I use twilight for android, that will signal your body it's not day anymore and induce drowsiness.

Avoid a TV in the bedroom, will force you to at least move to the lounge during the day and reduce blue light at night.

Some anti depressants can actually keep you awake, read the leaflet with them and/or take them in the morning instead of evening if that's the case with you.

You are probably forgetting things at the moment because you are fatigued, stressed and under pressure. If it'll help the anxiety get a notepad and pen. Some medicine can cause this too, if you are taking any and it's been a few weeks, then speak to the GP to try an alternative.

It was probably explained to you, but when you first start or switch anti depressants, you will feel rough the first couple of weeks as the drug readjusts your brain chemicals. Do anything you can to help yourself during this time as you'll probably feel dizzy, sensitive, bouts of confusion and possibly dips in mood. You may even start crying at an advert! Keep the crisis line number nearby if you need to.

Don't stress about what others are thinking too much, or that things aren't up to others standards. it's hard not to at the beginning, but really you matter the most and you are surviving right now.

Hang in there, there will be a time when things will feel differently :)

x

ryna profile image
ryna

Ive definitely been there multiple times... the constant anxiety puts ur body in a fight or flight mode. Then u secrete more adrenaline. The constant high levels of adrenaline just burn you out completely. Getting out of bed, taking a shower, getting to work, going in to a shop. Basic things are just overwelming. U might have ocd or a bit of perfectionist. So if ur messy it makes u anxious. But procrastination is a big factor if not getting things done and changing behaviour. The balance is off. I started decluttering my house. Throwing stuff out. Just making the bed when u wake up. Getting dressed as soon as you awake. Then i feel my days go better and my production levels increase.... but i am on my anti anxiety meds and a few combos of meds. Just know ur not alone with regards to this behaviour

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