My love life is making me depressed lately.

[Lostloner]

Someone wrote about this topic but I could not relate to their situation. All my life, my love life has been somewhat of a mess. I have 2 kids, both born out of wedlock. I was engaged to my second child's father but ended up finding out he's bipolar and after he was hospitalized he could not keep a job and turned to drugs. So that was over a year ago he has cleaned up but still no job and stays with parents. Since we broke up I swore off all men. I told myself I was perfectly fine being a single mom and never getting married. Until about 11 months later I "met" a guy in a Facebook group about chivalry..I finally struck up the nerve to message him. Its important to mention about 2 months after talking and facetiming we met in person and had sex. 2 months after that i founs out he had a girlfriend the entire time.. I told her about us and he blocked me and has not talked to me since. It hit me so hard because I really opened up to him and we talked everyday. So again I swore off all men for a couple months. Then I joined a dating site. I have kids so ita not like I can go do whatever I want whenever..I mainly joined to pass time at work. And for about 3 weeks I chatted with a guy who I thought was PERFECT on paper. Tall handsome one kid good job close by has a car etc. My birthday was last Fri and hia sat so I told him I wanted to see him for our birthdays and we agreed to meet when he got off that Friday around midnight at tgif. Everything was going great so we came back to my house and talked for about 3 hours. I thought we had grreat chemistry there was not a silent moment. I felt like I knew him for years. So the night ended with ua making out and other things but no sex. I really wanted to but I stopped myself nd I didn't want to seem easy.

The next day he messages me morning. Bur I notice hw isn't as talkative. He saya ita because He's busy with hia family who came to visit him for his birthday. I say yea right and saya you're crazy haha.

Next day I ask if he wanta to come over and watch game of thrones later...no response..I say nevermind. He says ok bipolar. I say no I just changed my mind. He says haha silly. Next day again I message him good morning and say ita funny how after we met you became busy and distant but befire you would tall all day. No response. I go online and see he's on the site. I send him a angry message and tell him if he doesn't want to talk anymore he shouldve said that.

Anyway I see he reads it and thatvsenda me into a rage so I start sending him really vicious messages. Then I went home and drank and it got even more vicious.

To conclude, I know these encounters mentioned shouldn't even affect me. But it really does. Is there something wrong with me?

And why does this "unrequainted" interest affect me so much that I go into these rampages??

When I was single after the engagement ended I really tried to work on myself and build myself up and foguee out what I want. Im attractive, work 2 jobs, I'm.in school, in shape, etc. But it seems that every guy I show mutual interest in leaves. And I say mutual interest because there are a few guys interested in me and I tried to give them a chance but I just am not into them like that.

I feel depressed because maybe I am really crazy and who wants to be with a crazy person?? I am starting to doubt my self worth and maybe even my attractiveness even though he said I look better in person. I feel like when I meet someone who is attractive and successful in life they will never see me as quality material. And its partially my fault because I'm the one who. Can say no were not going to have sex or talk about anything sexual but I am a very sexual person so ita hard to suppress. It sucks that I can't be sexual with a guy even just flirting wise without him looking at me as more even if we converse about other thjnga as well. I almost feel likw maybe I'm.delusional! Becauae if things went so well like I thought then why wouldnt he want to see me when I asked and ghost on me. If the guy with the gf really liked me then why did he cut me off? I really am just sad and I keep crying because I will never have a man to come home to. And I know it shouldn't matter but it does.

.

[DMM218]

We all feel lost and alone. It's a natural instinct to want companionship and sex. Being in a fulfilled relationship makes sense to most people so don't worry about wanting this.

I've had plenty of casual relationships I'm not proud to say. This was when I was younger and acted in a reckless way. But all I really wanted was someone to love me. The harder I chased it the more horrible people I attracted. So it's no surprise I've not found the one yet.

Once I got pregnant I did mature and treated myself with more respect. I had a long term relationship with someone who was a good man. It didn't last after 8 years but we treated each other well and remain close.

I'm not going into another relationship until I feel real love for myself. I'm almost there but not quite.

You may be unconsciously having a relationship with unattainable men or poor choice men. They may want you because you lack self esteem etc. it's not your fault or theirs but you can decide to really assess what you want. Even if they seem like it on paper, in person it takes time to get to know the real person.

Don't swear off men but start looking at you - what you deserve not what you feel grateful to get. Work on you, the most attractive quality in a person is true confidence, the sense of being so at peace in yourself. Not arrogant, not a mask, but real awareness of self weaknesses and strengths. Look at that.

If you need sex, fine - just be careful and don't expect love. Being sexually active isn't shameful as long as you respect yourself and others.

I hope this ok - I'm not sure if I've said the right thing. Let me know if I've got it wrong, right or whatever.

It's your life so you decide how to behave but don't waste time on someone who isn't looking after you.