I have had my struggles for some time now, mostly job related and this is no longer an issue as a lot of you know I will be starting my new job on 4 June.
The problem I have (and have been trying to keep to myself as I feel I have burdened you with enough lately) is that my 19 year old son does not want anything to do with me. For weeks now he has not been speaking to me, wont eat any food I cook for him and today I feel as though I have had enough. I was going to the shop and as he was going into the bathroom I asked him if he wanted anything. I thought maybe he hadnt heard me but in actual fact he had just ignored me. I repeated what I said and he literally just closed the bathroom door in my face and did not answer. He walks about the flat as though I am not even there and if I am in a certain room, he will not enter unless I leave.
For weeks I have been texting him (I thought to do this because he obviously does not want to speak to my face) and receiving no reply. I have been leaving notes for him when I leave out his medication (he has Crohns which he manages fine) telling him if he needs anything then he knows where I am. Usually finishing off by telling him I love him and am always there for him.
I know when I was going through my bad patch a couple of weeks ago, I had some alcohol (which is not the norm I might add). I just felt it was either that or I was heading towards the nearest bridge. I know I got really drunk and I dont know if this is why he is not speaking to me. I have tried to speak to him and embarrassing as it was for me, I did say if me getting drunk was the problem then I was sorry. My friends and family say that I owe him no apology and that I had a "blow out" due to the pressure I was under at the time and he needs to realise that I am not only his mum but he should be old enough now to know that I also have a life and feelings too.
I feel like I am living with a complete stranger and that I am losing my boy. I think if he was able to afford to move out then he would. His father left when I was pregnant and I have always been there for him. He is where he is today because of me. He never got left out because he didnt have a father and still got what the other kids got because I was constantly out working in order that he could. I cant get him to tell me what is wrong as he refuses to speak to me at all. I dont even know if it IS me. It could be something outwith the home and I am just bearing the brunt of his mood. I asked him last week if he wanted me to cook something for his dinner and I was told "I dont want to eat anything you cook".....so hurtful! He has just left for his work. He doesnt say goodbye when he leaves and never says HI when he comes home. He just comes straight in and right into his room. He has started going out at the weekend and staying out overnight not coming in until the following afternoon and he knows I will be at home worrying!!
I thought maybe the fact that I was no longer working was the problem and that maybe he was just worried? When I told him last week that I had a new job he didnt even say anything. I should be happy and looking forward to my new start next month but no matter what I do, I feel as though I have this hanging over me and I am feeling such guilt because he is obviously unhappy so why should I be smiling?
I wish I could get him to speak to me but I dont know what to do.
Has anyone ever experienced this or know of anyone who has experienced this? I would love any advice you could offer as I didnt even want to post this but dont know what else to do. I keep forgetting that he is 19 and an adult but I feel as though I have failed him as his mum.
I am so sorry for once again laying my problems at someone else's door but I thought this was something that would just blow over and I would have no need to post this.