It is with so much pain and heartbreak that I write this.we met when we were both lonely and he lied from the start.He was in a relationship with a lady but she cheated on him.we had a relationship for physical benefits but his demands went beyond this.He needed money all the time together with other demands that is required when 2 people are in a relationship.
Stupid me,I fell in love with him and gave in to his demands.his sexual performance was not the greatest and I felt that there was something off.Then one day he told me he has a fetish to cross dress and asked me to buy him ladies lingerie stockings and heels.I obliged and even saw him in that attire.I still was not comfortable with him just this been just a fetish.I asked him if he is gay and we started fighting,he is not sure of his sex orientation.Its easier to accept a guy having an affair with a woman than to accept him going with guys.He also insist he wants sex with me and I am crushed,angry and feeling depressed.
We gave spoken about his sex orientation but he is afraid of coming out.His religion and family will not accept this.
Even though I am so hurt and heartbroken I always put him and his wellbeing 1st.I know in my heart i was used for sex and financial benefits.
It has become so common that many men are hiding their sexual orientation while been in a marriage with a woman.To these men,please you are destroying and hurting us woman more than any break up or divorce.
Hi he might be bi? From what I have heard some guys just like to cross dress and it doesn't mean he is gay. Much depends on what you are willing to accept, but please put your own well being first coz if you don't no one else is going too. I would proceed with great caution.
Be careful, either if he’s gay or bi, just don’t give in to his demands, remember your well-being comes first and if you’re not comfortable with him then you shouldn’t be with him, I know you love him but in the end this will only end up hurting you, and if you’re thinking in a long term relationship, from this point he’s showing you that he’s indecisive. I think you should get out of there while you can, I’m telling you by experience it only ends up hurting you. But think we’ll about whatever decision you're going to make and look out after you first. I’m here if you need to talk.
Thank you for your advice,I have though about this situation after going through the mental pain that I need to get out Its very difficult and I am taking it 1 day at time.Currently I am on anti depressant which seems to keep me calm and make me think positively to accept what happened.At this moment I have decided to be away from him.
You can do it, I know you can. Someone special is waiting for you🧡
It’s not your job to figure him out that’s his !!! & if you’re not ok with his cross dressing or his possible bi sexual or gay or fetish status in a relationship or possible stepping out on you. Just shut the damn door. He was being very selfish that alone is reason to shut the door. It’s a good lesson to learn to be loved right yourself. In my 50 years as a woman I’ve learned a man needs to chase you acquire you earn you. A good sparring of sorts works as well as that’s also a challenge and kindness is golden it shows respect. At times women are too kind we should be very kind but there has to be a strong assertion as well. We all make mistakes of the heart all of us. I was A very beautiful woman until my health hit I was kind I was used I was blind I learned. Run shut the door on people in romantic relationship that are takers and you can feel you’re compromised always check in with yourself.
He was taking advantage of your kindness and love he’s not ready to be tied down he has too much to learn. My friend got hiv from such a situation. I know heterosexual get aids too but often gay men have several partners they don’t associate sex with love to same degree as women. They do but women are more likely to consider love with sex. Just my point of view and what my gay male friends say to me. Forgive yourself and him. He’s learning and it’s his issue to step out and live.
Thank you for your advice and I agree with most of what you have said.
Yes,I was blinded by love and been me always giving my best to the person I love I indeed learnt a lesson the most painful way ever.I have accepted that he used me financially and took advantage of my giving and caring nature.I can write a book with the sad stories and lies I was told but ther comes a time when enough is enough.
He does not associate sex with love and it makes me wonder if he will ever get sexually satisfied with a man.I always had this impression that gay people emotional needs were like that of a woman.
I have got myself tested for HIV a few times recently to give me peace of mind and I have since kept my distance from him.
I am still working on the forgiveness part though.
Thank you for your advice,much appreciated.
You need to consider your own needs and expectations in relationships. If you are uncomfortable, you need to consider the best way forward for you and you alone, Yes Cross-dressing seems to be acceptable, although if the Partner is Gay in many ways is putting you at risk, especially if He is sleeping around etc
Ask yourself where you expect this relationship is going, if His expectations and above is just using you move on the relationship is going no-where.
You are heading down a roadway and you may be heading towards a brick wall, Hitting a brick wall can and is very painful
Look for someone else whose sexuality is the same as yours. Be comfortable in your own Skin
Don't let this man take advantage of you. He may well have caught you at your most vulnerable. You don't give an indication of your ages but it may be that, due to his upbringing, that this man is confused about his sexuality. That in itself is no excuse, it is up to him to sort himself out but not at your expense. Whatever has happened to you in the past is going to affect you but please put yourself first, be kind to yourself, forget this man and start to rebuild your life with you at the centre. I wish you all the best for your future.
Soon I will be 30 and he is 35.I pray that it will be easy to move on.
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We meet the person we deserve, at the moment it seems you have not been lucky yet to meet your number 1
I was thirty one when we got married, after going out with many girlfriends it was like fresh air when we here both met. It was like we had been waiting to meet the right person. It was very strange how she blended into my life and how some of my family knew someone who knew my new Wife.
At 35 he is still relatively young but I suggest you put all of this behind you. Has your doctor suggested CBT or talking therapies. I have had 2 attempts at CBT and whilst it all makes sense when you are fine, when I hit a trigger I am not thinking rationally and cannot apply the strategies of CBT. However you will meet others who are finding life a real challenge and this does help to put your own life I to context. You may even make friends with one or more of the others on the course. There's no harm giving it a go. Good luck.
You sound like a lovely person and deserve much better than this. Love is very painful when things go wrong . I took 7years to get over the loss of the love of my life. Now I can be in the same room as her without suffering a huge ‘meltdown’. Be strong as it WILL get better and you are still young enough ( lucky you - I am 73 ) to find true love.
You don’t deserve someone like that, if he loved you he wouldn’t put you through this. I think you both need to sit down and talk and tell him how you really feel and don’t be scared. You deserve better. You are a special person and you should never feel disrespected. It is not fair to you. It’s not right that he used you for financial needs and for sex. You are worth more than that. Tell yourself you are worth it and deserve MORE. I wish you the best.
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