Hi guys, I'm new here. I've been doing a lot of research and I've ended up here so here I am asking for advice as a last resort as I know a lot of you are suffering with mental illnesses.
My partner and I have been together for coming up to two years. We got together not long after my boyfriend had a motorbike accident and broke both of his legs. We went on to have a beautiful daughter who is now 8 months old. I'm and 20 and sinking slowly with being a new first time mum and having a partner who is suffering.
Anyway, my partner has been diagnosed with severe depression, anxiety and ptsd after his accident but is now sinking further and further into his demons. He was prescribed antidepressants about a year and a half ago for moderate depression. He took them for a month and decided to stop taking them. Three months ago his diagnoses had gone from moderate to severe along with being diagnosed with anxiety and ptsd. He was once again given antidepressants which he took for a month and on his second month decided to take them when he felt like it because 'he didn't feel any different' (obviously because he wasn't taking them every day)
He is short tempered, gets angry at me over the silliest things and gets aggressive I.e throwing things around, threats to smash the house up and worst of all says I am the reason for his depression.
He really has pushed me away in the past few months. I'm upset he has been given a way out of his depression with therapy and antidepressants and he doesn't want to do anything about it not just for me but for our beautiful girl who doesn't deserve to be around the loud shouting and negative moods!
He suffers from paranoia about me cheating on him and accuses me every day calling me names such as a 'dirty little w*o*e'. If I don't text him back within ten minutes or I don't answer his call because I'm putting our daughter down for a nap he starts by saying I must be up to something. This confuses me as I really hoped he didn't think I was the kind of person who would be cheating on him when I have my baby with me at all times. I'm really starting to come to my wits end.
He blames me for everything saying he wouldn't shout so much if I didn't go on and on and on but how can I not say something when as soon as he gets up in the morning he has a go at me for something as silly as not being able to find a pair of socks. Not only is he moody about it in general but he actually starts shouting at me because I've not put his clean clothes back into his drawer!
He goes to work for 16 hours a week and whenever we have a disagreement about something he starts shouting the odds because he apparently does everything.
He sleeps until midday for 5/7 days of the week gets up and sees his daughter for 3 hours before he starts work and then doesn't see her because she is in bed by the time he gets home. He misjudged everything in his mind. I ask him to get up two mornings of the week with our daughter so he can spend some time with her and to give me a little break. (Instead of getting up at 5am I get up at 8am) but to him he seems to think he is the one who gets up all week. He sleeps all day and stays awake all night saying it's insomnia but he doesn't even try to go to sleep he just sits up playing on his Xbox or PS4.
I'm only 20 and I'm sinking fast. I love him with all my heart but I am struggling being a new mum with no support from him at all. I am tired gettin up at 5 o'clock every morning to then upkeep the house, look after our child and to make sure he has his meals on the table as well as looking after him like he's a little boy throwing tantrums worrying about him taking his meds, our bills, our shopping.
I basically feel like a single mum with a lodger. I have known people with depression my whole life but have never had to face it like I have now. Everybody else I met wanted to sort their depression out but not him. It's breaking my heart that he won't even sort this for out beautiful girl she deserves more than what she is being faced with every day. I want to be with him but the real him. Not the one who calls me names threatens to ruin our home and Truly believes he does everything for our home.
He isn't one for talking so shows his emotions through anger and aggression I have told him it is starting to become emotional and verbal abuse from him and we need to get this sorted if we want to sort ourselves out but no still nothing.
We are on a low income so money is a worry every single day but I can't approach my boyfriend to tell him about my worries.
My maternity allowance ended this week so our income in more than £500 less than what it was last month. I was in hysterics worrying about how we will pay our rent looking for him to tell me it will be okay and we will sort it but instead we got into a fight because I was crying infront of him.
I have always been a happy person and still am when I am not around him however when he's in my presence I can feel myself sinking lower and lower. I am wondering wether I will soon me diagnosed with depression and I am worried that will cause some alarm bells to ring with the GP. I will not have anybody question my parenting towards my daughter because we have an amazing bond together and I only want the best for her so am beginning to wonder wether I have to do the right thing and leave my boyfriend.
But on the other hand I do not want to leave him as I love him and think this will cause him to do something silly. Which sounds stupid as he clearly isn't happy with me either. I just don't want to add any wood to the fire!
Please help!! Does anybody know of any free counselling In The UK?
Does anybody think I would be eligible to be referred for counselling through the NHS?
And do any of you guys suffering from depression anxiety or ptsd have anybody advice on how I can deal with this?
Would any of you act like this to the person you love? Who has supported you through everything??
Ps WELL DONE IF YOU READ THIS FAR
I'm really greatful for any help and advice