No future

[Tony1966]

I can't see any future for myself,am a 51 year old man I have split up from my wife after trying for 4 years to make a go of a relationship where my wife has been trying to (get rid) of me constantly telling me over the last 4 years that she doesn't love me we have a son who is 11,anyway I have had to move out of our home I now I live with my mum and at 51 I can tell you that is soul destroying ,we had so many debts that I cannot afford a place of my own so now I'm living in limbo, no place to call home and no future, what's more I do not have any close friends that I can talk to I'm so unhappy I just can't see what future there is for me I am socially inept, I find it hard to strike up a conversation with anyone I just feel so alone when I'm with my son its hard to put on a brave face but I do for him, but the rest of the time I just want to lie in the bed and make the heartache go away

[sweetiepye]

Hello Tony, I'm just going to apologize right off the bat because I'm sure I'll offend you in some way. I'm not trying to upset you, but I won't help you if I'm not truthful. Fifty- one is not old , you still have time to do so much in life. A fifty- one year old man can be quite a yummy thing. Are you fit and trim, good hair cut, neat about yourself? These things matter to women. About living with Mum.... everything is attitude. You have a wonderful opportunity to spend time with and help your Mum while she's still with you. Look at this as a good thing and talk about it in that way. What can you do for her while you are there ? This is the time to be an excellent example to your son. Show him your bounce back ability. Have him for the week end , you ,him, and his gran. Kids love to be the center of attention and he could probably use a little extra right now. Being social is easy, you just focus on the other person, ask questions about them and forget about yourself . If they ask about you , give short answers, don't wine, and keep it light.. You do all this and your Wife might even want you back. I don't get the impression that you have put much effort into your marriage. You need to change your thinking from what's in it for me to what can I do to make it better for you. First thing... get out of bed. Pam, who is still having fun at 71.

[RoboMark]

Don't be ashamed of living with your mum, if that's what's bothering you. I am 52 and lived with my mum for many years, and I never felt bad about it for a second. You are not alone, you have your mum and your son so that means you have a future. Just take it one day at a time, don't think too far ahead - that's what I do. Life is no bed of roses for a lot of men our age, but there are far worse situations to be in; at least we are free.

Mark.

[NogsViking]

Tony, we feel for you. But you are so definitely not alone in your predicament. And you have lots of time left. 50 is the new 30!

I'm 54 and I've had a very less than happy marriage for most of my life, but we stuck together for our kids (rightly or wrongly). When I was 52 I met and fell deeply in love with a younger woman who I really felt was the love of my life. We had a lovely 18 months together and my life was about the best I had ever known it. It can happen!

Sadly for me she left me earlier this year. I was devastated and fell into a deep depression. It's taken me three to four months to get out of it, through a combination of therapy, hard physical exercise, sunshine, vitamins, and loads of inspirational reading. But I feel I am recovering now and beginning to see some light.

I recently discussed with my mum (who is 80, widowed, and lives alone) the possibility of getting a job near where she lives and she said she would be thrilled if I would stay with her. I'm good friends with my mum, and love her dearly, and I've actually got to quite like the prospect of living under the same roof as her. It's not so weird. And you can just say to other people that you are being a good son and helping out your mum - people will respect you for that.

And it might be fun to have your son there occasionally - three generations! My son and my mum get on great and the three of us have a lot of fun.

I'm not sure what line of work you are in but for an inspirational and entertaining read I can recommend 'The Greatest Trade Ever' by Greg Zuckerman. It's the completely true story of a 51-year-old US guy (I'm not kidding) who has lost his job and his marriage and his self-respect and is living in a garret. He manages to get a job with a hedge fund and discovers the whole sub-prime issue, persuades his firm he is right, and they back him and make hundreds of millions on the trade and he becomes a star. I realise that you may not have exactly the same opportunity or skill-set but it's an inspiring story. There are other stories out there - like Ray Kroc who founded McDonalds, he didn't do it until he was about your age. There are other examples to inspire you out there - have a Google around.

We are rooting for you! Be well, and be strong! The sun will come up again tomorrow, and you have lots of time.

[Hidden]

Hi! You're not alone. I'm 57, single claiming sickness benefits & living by myself. I don't go out as one of my illnesses is crowds of people make me frightened. I suffer from schizophrenia, epilepsy, Crohn's disease , arthritis depression.i lived with my parents until I was 50. I. Take a 15/20 tablets daily. . So don't give up. Sam.