Please help

[Mellow_16]

Hi,

I'm feeling very down today, I had an outburst last night, I came home from work late I'm a community care worker and yesterday was very stressful as one of my patients was diagnosed with terminal cancer, to find the house a mess, my partner who doesn't live with me was taking care of my children who are 9 & 15 and they ate dinner and left everything on the dining table, sat in the living and left the cushions everywhere, the kitchen was messy where they'd been cooking and it all got on top of me last night my partner mentioned something about his child and mine having a conversation that got out of order on the phone and I flipped, I let rip, I swore at him told him leave, told him he's taking me for granted, see it's been 6.5 yes we've been together and I struggle with my mental health from my past and my marriage breakdown, I feel very isolated living far from my family and unstable and insecure 2/3rds of the time I'm fine and stable and loving on my monthly cycle I let rip and he avoids me, which works for us, I'm deeply unhappy that he can't and won't commit to me he says Im impossible to please, I'd never be happy, he can't do everything by himself and provide a big family home etc, he owns his own Big 3 bedroom house and has everything he wants in life and has his children at home when he wants and practically lives a double life,I'm renting since I got divorced i feel like he's secure and leaves me feeling insecure with my life. He twists the conversations so I don't know where I am with them. I've told him it's not all on him I'm with him and will work to provide my share but it's driving me nuts and today when I told him I can't do this anymore, he told me I should start with being nice I'm not a horrible person, I love people and have so much compassion but he makes me feel like I'm a monster. What the hell is going on?

I'm feeling down already and I'm scared for my mental health

[ladeda]

Hi Mellow, we all can loose our tether at the end of a long hard day, its never too late to put the world to rights. Talk to them when you are not so tied about their messiness, maybe put a schedule in place so everyone has a share of the chores, you can even do it on a reward basis, if they follow it without being nagged. Men are pretty hopeless , its not that they don't want to help but are usually totally oblivious that the place is actually in a mess, it seems it has to be upside down before they notice and then do something about it.

It's sometimes hard not to be insecure if you feel your first marriage was a failure and going it alone can seem your the loneliest person around if family and friends aren't close by especially when you are putting all your energy into the well being of your children and work.

Don't be deceived that security comes with having a house, tell yourself its safer having a landlord who will keep the house standing, property is so expensive to maintain it can be a nightmare, security doesn't really exist, whatever we have can just so easily be lost.

If your partner doesn't want to commit to ever being together, all you can ask yourself is do you want to move on? It really depends on how happy you are together, we. Can't change others only ourselves and if he is very insecure about commitment putting pressure on could make things much worse.

Somehow I don't think he means your not a nice person, he maybe doesn't want more problems than he feels he already has lurking away at the back of his head, we all have them and they can feel insurmountable at times and just wants your love and understanding rather than frustration and exhaustion. I guess it's easier to throw the ball back at you than hold his hands and say maybe your right or he understands.

Life isn't easy for you but I imagine you have raised two lovely children that when you are not pulling your hair out to keep them in control, they give you so much pleasure and happiness.

Depression can distort our views of what we do have so that you crave a different life, make sure you look after you as well as everyone else! Open up to friends and family when you just need to let off steam, we are a social species with a need to communicate, when you have a little down time look inside to try and think what you really want and need, unless you have a clear idea of where you want to go, its not so easy to go in the right direction.

I hope things already look a little better with a new day, take care xxx