I don’t really know where to begin to be honest ! I would say I have suffered some form of mental health through out most of my life since a young age. I had a difficult child hood and then brought my self up with no family support or love. I have always been alone and I also have a child! I am a great mum but then I have days when I feel like I’m the worst Mum ever and my child would be better off without me. I live a ordinary boring life I’m not someone you would think suffers with mental health but I do I know I do but I have never gotten any help or admitted it! I’m not quiet sure what is wrong with me? Sometimes I don’t sleep other days I don’t want to get out of bed ! Iv got my self in huge debt buying things in attempt to make my self happier but ofcourse that hasn’t worked !
I have days I’m angry and loose my temper, other days I’m ok and feel fine. I have a mix of emotions and I find it very confusing and ignore how I feel.
A few years ago I was with someone and I was genuinely happy, the happiest I had been in a long while. When the relationship ended things went very bad I got in loads of debt and also lost my job as I was always late ! Things got worse I started hoarding without realising it ! cleaning the house became impossible and I just wanted to be in bed ! I just about managed to care for my child but I stopped caring for myself. Right now I’m in a better place I’m working in a job I enjoy and I’m slowly feeling like myself. But I still have troubles at home with all the mess ! I’m actually a clean and tidy person but the amount of stuff I have laying around is over whelming I don’t know where to start ! I’m so ashamed I don’t let people in my house if my friends come around unexpectedly I ignore the door because I don’t want them to see, I then start to ignoring them out of embarrassment. I don’t have many friends and isolate myself.
I just need some help and advice please ?
Hi there, it sounds like you have a few ups and downs in your life like many of us on here It does sound like you have a good idea of how to make things better but are just struggling a little at the moment. The clutter and that, just tackle it one bit at a time.Stick to one part of one room and then another part and so on and just do a little each time. Do you have problems in throwing stuff away or is it just in getting around to tidying? Most friends would probably be fairly tolerant of a bit of clutter. I have friends who do not tidy their places well but I still visit as it is them I want to see. I have another friend whose hoarding has got completely out of control and she will not let people inside the house but it doesn't sound from what you've said that things have reached that point with you.
You have demanding job where you give a lot to other people and it sounds like you're used to going it alone in many respects. However we all need nurturing so try and find a few ways to be kind to yourself like a nice long bath or doing your nails or whatever you like.
Sorry I know this isn't a great response as I'm not feeling 100% myself but I did want to let you know you're not on your own and hopefully some more of the kind people on here will also reply to you in due course.