Mental Health Support
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My son 9yr old, is abusing me. Please help!!

My recent 9yr old, is killing me slowly. Quick cap divorced for 4yrs. My youngest son of 3 lives with me. I am plagued by deppression but always tried my best by my son. Well l have the school, caf and the educational board supporting my son and l. He refuses to go to school on day's that he doesn't feel like it. He has one more year before high school. He is horrible to me and have used the advice from all these professionals. To do the boundary thing and rules. It's getting worse, when my son was young l could handle it and carry him to school. Now his, not only got a nasty tongue, but has been physical and attempted to punch me last night. Please help!. When I suggested that my son needs professional help the said he would not qualify because, when he does go to school, his very well behaved. So the issue is at home?!, my son bangs on walls and has broken household items and regularly verbally abuses me and now getting physical with me. I have told them this is not normal and they said if l wanted him assessed l have to do the triple P and because his behaviour in school is good they don't think his got problems. Recently they've been asking if my mental health has been ok, told them of course not!, l have to argue and listen to my son call me names not bad language, but his a clever boy and it hurts. Told his dad that I'm fed up and maybe he should move in with him. Sorry divorced 3 boy's and the youngest is going to kill me by heart break!.

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Send him to a private school and send the bill to his Father. I would have thought the school would have been more helpful. You must feel as though you have no where to turn. You are probably smart to be doing something now. The older he gets the more difficult it will be. Get Dad involved. Pam

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I am hun, but when he goes to his dad there's No rules and come back to me and all he'll breaks loose. I have asked the education board to arrest me so my son con see the consequences. My son is stubborn but can be very very horrible. Is this normal? No this is been going on for years and his just getting older , stronger and angrier.

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I meant that your son should live with his Father.

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The aggression that you describe sounds like an out-of -control kid. Yet, his behavior at school is good? I wonder if he is angry with you over the divorce? From your description, it seems that the boy has behaved this way for a long time, now. It seems unlikely that you can deal with this situation by yourself. The older he gets, the violent he becomes. Perhaps sending him to live with his dad would be a good idea. He needs to learn boundaries, respectfulness, and how to live by normal, everyday expectations. Perhaps getting into therapy would help him learn why he is so angry, and how to deal with it.

Best of wishes, Mom. It is a tough situation when your child is striking out at you. I am sending warm and comforting hugs to you.

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You may find the problem goes back to the breaking up of you and His Father. this sometimes can cause resentment.

He needs the Father to take more interest in His Sons life, also you need to make some house rule. You need this sorted, if not as the child grows the problems will get worse.

I worry if this happens you may get hurt. Mentioned in other post there are no boundaries when He visits the Father this is counterproductive in your case and I would consider asking the child where He would prefer to live, if the Father is the choice discuss with your GP and see what can be done, this may be sufficient to call your Sons bluff to pass him down the line.

Your GP should be passing this problem down to Social Services. They may be able to assist.

Is the child Autistic etc. assistance and medications may help

BOB

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No his not autistic, l have put rules in place and a chart explaining basics for him to go to school. I have banned YouTube and because of his behaviour he is currently not allowed on ps4. I can't cope anymore with his behaviour And think he should live with his dad.

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Kermitandpiggy

Yes returning the child to the Father may be a good idea, a child is better with family and that is His Dad.

Do you consider your Son is not taking responsibility for His Son and has passed down the job to you, if this is the case you need to put your foot down especially if your Son is not standing up for you. Consider your own comfort.

Your Son needs help and considerations when looking after the lad, Social Services can help and there are also treatments that control your Son and His outlook toward you

You could of course ration his activities that He enjoys, that may help you move on.

BOB

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This is the posters son Bob, not her grandson. He does live with family already ie his mum. It sounds like his father is leaving all the problems to his mum and no one can force him to take his share of the responsibility unfortunately.

Also the poster has said she is already rationing his activities. x

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Read the post again Bob! There is no mention of a grandson. This child is the posters and the father she talks about is her ex-partner and not another son.

Not having a go Bob but I never use my name on unlocked posts coz of privacy issues. I would be grateful if you delete it out. Thanks. x

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I have read the reply and corrected the problem. Thanks for letting me know.

Sorry with your deplume

BOB

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No worries Bob and thanks. x

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Hi this is awful and I feel for you. You said his behaviour is good while at school? Well it sounds to me like he sometimes won't go so maybe just let him stay at home then. Surely the school will then investigate his non attendance and take action?

Your son definitely needs some help so how about trying to arrange some family therapy instead of just him and they will then see how he treats you.

I do know one thing from what I have heard and this is that unless sorted it will only get worse, but you can both be helped so hold on to this. x

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Im sorry you’re going through this awful situation. Anger stems from being upset and losing control of something usually. Have you tried to get him counselling maybe to find the root ? X

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Social Services has respite care for disabled when they say autism and are showing challenging behaviour - I am not sure about well normal children/teenager you have to ask but they have residential school/college also

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Have you called the police when he hits you? I fear he will kill you one day

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I would start by recording how he is at home, obviously he knows to make it seem like it's all in your head, when we can tell its not. He's playing the system.

You need to show ppl how is actually is with you!

Show your doctor and anyone you think will help then beg for help, you can't help him if your mental state is at risk!

You need you have records about your sons behaviour, maybe calling the police is not a bad idea, that way its on record about the abuse...yes he's abusing you and unfortunately he's getting away with it.

He's only become stronger as he gets older and angrier, stop it before it gets physical.

As moms we ALWAYS try to shield our kids, it's just what we do. We love them to death (we did carry them for 9 months, right!), but you can't shield this any longer.

There is only so much you can take, I fear for you mentally and physically💔.

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If his behaviour at school is good he most likely doesn’t have adhd or add or something that would cause him to act out. I think having his father involved is very good!

I’m 17 and moved from my mum when I was 11 due to an abusive house hold this caused me to not act out but have other problem (mental health) but then again I know how hard it can be coming away from one parent. Sitting down and talking made me feel better but I still struggle having both parents involved in the ‘rescue’ of the kid you once knew is defo the way to go.

If that don’t work a good smack and a time out was enough for even 17 yr old me to learn my lesson!

K x

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I hope you can find something that works saw a suggestion further up about recording it! Brill idea let people see including him how bad he is acting

K x

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I don't get it You say he is 9 yrs old but will be in highschool next year? My dear lady, you need therapy in the worst way.. you need to start thinking strictly in terms of what is good for YOU. Why in the world would you want this kid to even live with you???? I would request to the courts that his father MUST take him... if you continue to put up with his horrid behavior you will lose your mind. This is a nightmare situation... Maybe contact your GP to recommend a therapist AS SOON AS POSSIBLE for you... Sounds like some kind of 'guilt' is keeping you from further action...you do not need this nightmare child in your house..PLEASE GET HELP..don't you realize you DESERVE help????

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This sounds very familiar, your son is reacting to you losing control, he is responding with rebellious, disrespectful behavior because he knows you can not handle him. Children need guidance and a strong firm idea of what is expected, or what will not be tolerated. I know you do not feel strong enough to cope with your son, and he also is frustrated with your depression and maybe feels like he is not valuable enough for you to see this through. It seems he is acting up with you, he seems to need more stability. Maybe he should stay with his Dad for a while, and you have to make it clear that he is not to get abusive with you. I went through hell with my son, drugs, quitting school. three suicide attempts. I realized that I could never give up on him, and I wanted him with me, because as scary as his behavior was, for myself it was worse thinking of him living on the streets. Also there was an issue of possible institutionalization, so to avoid all this I continued to reach out, in fact you need to go to his school for support, they have programs you must seek out. Obviously you can not deal with this on your own. I can promise you, that if you stand by your son this will eventually work it self out. Believe me, he is testing you. As a mother you try to save your child first, your needs come second. Any one who has thrown their children out, or disowned them, many times end up burying their children. You son is lashing out because you are not supporting him by acting defeated, or giving up, he senses this. Good luck, do not give up , the satisfaction you will get when he is older, and has gotten through issues, the reward is amazing. I went through this with my own son, and I know what you are going through, try to be strong for him, and you may see a change in how he treats you! The end result will be having a loving, supportive son for the rest of your life. I Know because this is the reward I received, I never gave up, nor should you!

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Hi vallena this is why I'm seeking help I'm not giving up on him and never will, but l can't do this alone and l am willing to do anything to make things better for him cause if his happy so am l. I will keep fighting for help and taken in board some of the advice from other replies to my post.

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Thank you all for your support and advice. And have messaged his dad about taking him on as l can't cope anymore, but no reply to that message. My son see's his dad every fortnight and my other 18yr son that lives there tells me that his little brother goes to bed early hours of the morning at one point 4am and spends the day sleeping when he comes back to me on sunday his sleep pattern is messed up. I love my son, but hate him when his nasty and he talks like an adult when angry and lashes out at me. When l left his dad we lived in a refuge until we found a home. I know it's been hard for him. But l have always put him first. We were alone for 4yrs before l met my current partner who l have been with for 10mths. My son's bad behaviour started 3months ago. I have tried talking to him about my partner and tell him l love him. My partner is very good and pacient man. And l would never be with a man that didn't like or treat my son good. I understand that my son hates that his dad and l are not together and that now l have a partner, but l don't like my son threatening to punch me l can cope with words but not the physical pushing grabbing and throwing stuff at me. I have totally lost control of my son. 😢

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Both you and your son are in need of urgent help. If in UK ring Barnard o they offer family therapy services. Social services have a duty to protect your son and its clear that his emotions are all over the place. School are ridiculous every professional knows that children behave totally different in different circumstances. Your son is very unhappy and it is essential that you both get the help he needs. He is not naughty he is a distressed little boy. If all else fails rings nspcc emergency number. Good luck

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