Help and advice please

[Anonymous_567]

I don’t really know where to begin to be honest ! I would say I have suffered some form of mental health through out most of my life since a young age. I had a difficult child hood and then brought my self up with no family support or love. I have always been alone and I also have a child! I am a great mum but then I have days when I feel like I’m the worst Mum ever and my child would be better off without me. I live a ordinary boring life I’m not someone you would think suffers with mental health but I do I know I do but I have never gotten any help or admitted it! I’m not quiet sure what is wrong with me? Sometimes I don’t sleep other days I don’t want to get out of bed ! Iv got my self in huge debt buying things in attempt to make my self happier but ofcourse that hasn’t worked !

I have days I’m angry and loose my temper, other days I’m ok and feel fine. I have a mix of emotions and I find it very confusing and ignore how I feel.

A few years ago I was with someone and I was genuinely happy, the happiest I had been in a long while. When the relationship ended things went very bad I got in loads of debt and also lost my job as I was always late ! Things got worse I started hoarding without realising it ! cleaning the house became impossible and I just wanted to be in bed ! I just about managed to care for my child but I stopped caring for myself. Right now I’m in a better place I’m working in a job I enjoy and I’m slowly feeling like myself. But I still have troubles at home with all the mess ! I’m actually a clean and tidy person but the amount of stuff I have laying around is over whelming I don’t know where to start ! I’m so ashamed I don’t let people in my house if my friends come around unexpectedly I ignore the door because I don’t want them to see, I then start to ignoring them out of embarrassment. I don’t have many friends and isolate myself.

I just need some help and advice please ?

[Stilltrying_]

Hi there, it sounds like you have a few ups and downs in your life like many of us on here It does sound like you have a good idea of how to make things better but are just struggling a little at the moment. The clutter and that, just tackle it one bit at a time.Stick to one part of one room and then another part and so on and just do a little each time. Do you have problems in throwing stuff away or is it just in getting around to tidying? Most friends would probably be fairly tolerant of a bit of clutter. I have friends who do not tidy their places well but I still visit as it is them I want to see. I have another friend whose hoarding has got completely out of control and she will not let people inside the house but it doesn't sound from what you've said that things have reached that point with you.

You have demanding job where you give a lot to other people and it sounds like you're used to going it alone in many respects. However we all need nurturing so try and find a few ways to be kind to yourself like a nice long bath or doing your nails or whatever you like.

Sorry I know this isn't a great response as I'm not feeling 100% myself but I did want to let you know you're not on your own and hopefully some more of the kind people on here will also reply to you in due course.

Gemmalouise xxxx

[Anonymous_567]

Hi,

Thank you so much for your response!

This time last year the hoarding was so bad but I decided to have a major clear out and ended up throwing so much awash including things I needed ! But I just had to throw it out or else I wouldn’t have ! It wasn’t easy but it had to be done and I felt proud of myself.. but my bedroom had became the hoarding room now ! It is so cluttered ! And filled of piles of stuff every where ! I haven’t slept in my room for a year maybe longer it’s just became a storage room ! And because of this I don’t let my friends in my house just in case they see it. My job is very demanding and tiring so on the weekends I tend to laze around when really I should be sorting my room ! Is my metal health stopping me from just getting on with it ? It just seems so over bearing I don’t know where to begin !

My moods are very up and down but on my down days I don’t understand why I feel down? There are no triggers it’s just that day. Like today I feel very down and angry and I don’t know why ? I start thinking about the past a lot and constantly put my self down.

I don’t want to be put on medication to become better but maybe I need something ? I don’t sleep good at night which makes it hard in the mornings to wake up for work! By the end of the day I’m shattered! I’m just fed up now fed up of feeling like this and to stubborn to ask for help and to proud to show those close to me how my life really is.

[hypercat54]

What would be your definition of someone who suffers with their mental health? There is no category as it occurs right through society from the richest most famous person to the homeless on the street.

It is no fault of yours and it can strike at random. It doesn't mean you are not a good mum and a good person it merely means you have a mental health issue like 1 in 4 people over their lifetime. Seek medical help please. x

[Anonymous_567 in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you for your reply, I think talking therapies would be a good idea for me. However, CBT counselling can be quiet costly. Is this something the doctor can recommend via the NHS ?

[hypercat54 in reply to Anonymous_567]

Yes a doctor can arrange to refer you to help on the NHS. However this can take quite a long time unfortunately. Also in many areas like mine they are rationing mental health care and you are told to self refer. I did and was referred for an assessment when it was decided I didn't qualify for NHS counselling despite being suicidal.

You might be able to find a therapist who offers discounts? Or you can do counselling online these days at a much reduced cost. Good luck. x

[Anonymous_567 in reply to hypercat54]

The NHS funding in mental health is so low with as little as 15% ! It’s so appalling and so sad that so may go without any help and others suffer so long and are only helped when at crisis. This is also one of the many reasons that puts me off going to my GP as so many people need support and are waiting months if not longer. I feel as if I would be bottom of the list . I think I will consider going privately and doing my research on what’s available.

[hypercat54 in reply to Anonymous_567]

It might be best but it's bad when it comes to this isn't it! I got the impression that I was too old to be bothered with now and thought that others are deemed as more important than me ie young people with their whole lives ahead of them, and alkies, drug addicts etc. x

[Anonymous_567 in reply to hypercat54]

I’m sorry to hear you felt like this, you are just as important as others and you shouldn’t ever feel like your not just based on your age. Mental health practitioners priorities by an individuals needs and risk, not at all based on age.

A lot of drug addicts are actually not being seen to now until they reduce their drug use and/or get help from drug rehabilitation centres, as their mental health is deemed more as drug induced.

[hypercat54 in reply to Anonymous_567]

Thank you and I understand what you are saying. I am not slagging off drug addicts etc. and I appreciate their need, but just feel as I don't see myself as important or worth bothering about it just confirms it when professionals don't either. x

[Anonymous_567 in reply to hypercat54]

Professionals don’t always get it right and it’s sad that you were not offered the help you needed. If you don’t mind me asking, are you on any medication at the moment ? and Is if helping ? x x

[hypercat54 in reply to Anonymous_567]

Yes I take sertraline 150 mgs and have been on it for around 10 years. It is helping definitely. x

[Suzie40]

I get up and down moods and I take a mood stabiliser (I'm not suggesting you need or should have that though). Medication isn't always the answer, but you should definitely have a chat with your doctor if you're worried about how you're feeling x

[Anonymous_567 in reply to Suzie40]

Hi,

Thank you for your response. I am not really a fan of the medication and would only resort to this as a last option. I don’t feel like my mental health is as severe as some who require it and that’s absolute fine but for now I’m not quiet there. I think I just feel quiet alone and isolate myself which doesn’t help. When I am at work or with my friends I feel fine, it’s just when I’m alone I get low.. or when I have a self pity kinda day

[Hidden]

Hiya, I agree with what the others have said. Life can often seem overwhelming and you can only tackle a certain amount in a day. Just deal with the clutter in bite sized chunks, prioritise what you think is essential to do and focus on that. In terms of medication, sometimes it's necessary and beneficial but that's a conversation you need to have with your doctor. And therapy can help too, as can social interaction at work and with friends, and a healty diet and exercise. Put it all together and slowly but surely things can improve. Small steps. Take care,

[ToiToi]

Hi, it is possible you may have suffered with undiagnosed low mood, please take the self assessment test below. if it rings true to you take a note of your scores or better still take a copy of your results to your GP. there is help out there you don't need to suffer in silence.

All the best!!!

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