Hi everyone, we all know how hard life is there's no doubt about that!! But add to that a long term health condition thrown into the mix, which I know many of you have too.For me right now it's just all too much to deal with.i told my partner this morning I don't want to be here anymore.its a constant battle and I just find it's too hard for me. I'm taking medication that has made me feel worse to treat my Crohn's.i had to have a paramedic Thursday night because I was in so much pain and vomiting. I've missed 2 days at work so that will go down well!! I've got an infected abcess next to my stoma that is weeping blood and puss. It's so painful. I've showed it to lots of medical people and they want me to try Crohn's meds to see if it will help otherwise surgery again. My lovely partner is very supportive. It I can't face a future full of operations and side effects from drugs that could potentially give me something worse. It's not self pity guys!! It's just how I feel.