I feel awkward typing this right now cause I know people will read it.
My partner left me 5 months ago and Its not getting easier for me. I know it's kinda cliche but I've struggled with depression for a number of years and now this happened and I've just spiralled out of control. I feel I have to tell some one who ever it is what I'm feeling cause I feel I'm on the brink. I drink alcohol just so I can close my eyes.. I feel so lonely and worthless, and ashamed of myself.
Don’t feel bad, everybody has problems, it’s normal 😊 I hope you start feeling better soon
Hi Marc, I'm sorry to read about your struggles. Cliches exist for a reason; they happen to people! Traumatic events can often take an underlying illness and throw it to the fore. I also understand when you say you have been drinking to escape the pain, if only for a few hours. Obviously this is not an ideal solution but it's one I relied on for years, until it stopped working. I can't drink at all with the medication I take for bipolar disorder and that's definitely a good thing - alcohol was taking me into a very dark tunnel. The feelings of hopelessness, shame and worthlessness are classic symptoms of depression. Have you seen a doctor? It's really important that you do, they are quite used to it, there's not the same stigma, at least in the medical world, attached to depression these days. I've been in that place where all hope seems lost and it is terrifying. There are people out there whose job it is to stop you feeling this way, don't feel guilty about seeking help, or about drinking. Guilt is a destructive emotion, although I know you can't just make it go away. You are not on your own, there are millions of us out there finding hope; with the right treatment you can get better and enjoy life again. I was diagnosed as bipolar when I was being treated for post-traumatic stress disorder after a gang of 14-year-old little sh*ts smashed up my face with a brick as I was walking home early one morning in east London. That was 12 years ago. I was drinking, hiding from the world but, once I had a name to put to the bewildering and terrifying emotions I was feeling, I felt reassured that I was suffering from a disease and that disease, while not curable, is treatable. These days I get by. It's a bumpy road to recovery but you've made a great start by posting. Don't feel lonely, we're hear for you!
Thank you for the reply. I'm trying to take it day by day but it's just not getting easier. I just feel I have to drink just so I can get some rest.. I just lie there thinking what if otherwise, i know it's not right but I feel I'm literally on the edge. It's like a 1000 thoughts happening at once I just can't get any peace.. and they just repeat over and over.
Marc
That fact that you are feeling so low after a break up is in some ways a good thing, what it means is great you have the capacity to love and be loved. It’s a bit like tearing a bit of cloth right down the middle when we break up. We don’t get a nice clean cut we get jagged and rough edges that get smoothed Out over time.
Time to make some little changes in your life and gradually start moving forwards, time really does heal, as an older person I can promise you that
I have met some one new but all I feel is guilt. I feel like I'm some how cheating.. I just can't imagine a life without her but I have no choice.
Why ignore you? You don't deserve that. An I know depression is a horrible thing but don't give up just yet. Everything happens for the better. God is working things out for you,when he closes one door in your life another one will open. Try to focus on yourself for now and don't go to alcohol for help it'd just leave you in a wreck. Sometimes people are meant to walk away from us cause they prevent us from being happy an God always sees to it that he removes the useless things in our lives. Jesus is paving your way so don't worry about a thing just keep a positive mindset and so sorry I'm not forcing religion on you I hope you don't feel intimidated but I hope I was of some help at least. God bless and take care 
Thank you for your kind words. I just feel this has gone on long enough for me. I just can't shake the thoughts away. I'd rather help others and be kind rather then look after myself.. I feel I just want to disappear.
Please don’t feel ashamed or worthless. Every human being on this planet has value. I bet there is something you know, that I have never learned. Maybe even something hardly anyone knows!
Many, many people have been in your place, and many are still there. But it’s a good step that you decided to reach out here, we try to be as helpful as possible 😊
Just a few questions, are to seeing a doctor or therapist, taking any medications? I feel like now would be a good time if you haven’t yet. They can teach you some good coping skills, as well as how to deal with the alcohol and find a way to be happy without it.
I hope you are able to find peace, breakups can often times be difficult, and I know this sounds cliche but it’s true (for the most part): Time heals all wounds. Eventually, you’ll get there. But if you’re drinking regularly and depressed, you won’t get there as fast or maybe ever, without treatment. Good luck on your journey, and give yourself a pat on the back. You tried, you took the first step, and that’s the hardest part.
Yes I have seen a professional and we made some progress as to why I maybe hide away from people. I also have been medicating for 6months now. I've medicated in the past too but I just came off them on my own accord.. I just wanted to decay.
Thank you the kind words.
Aww, well I can relate to the stopping and starting of treatment. It’s really hard to keep trying if nothing seems to be working, or to just keep in the routine of taking the medicine every day, going to scheduled appointments, all that stuff. It can take a lot out of you. But once you start feeling back to normal, it’s worth it.
I finally went and got back on antidepressants not long ago, it’s not working as well as I’d like, still having negative thoughts and doing some self destructive things that are pushing the limit. Gonna have to call the doctor and let him know, maybe increase the dose. 
But good luck to your journey, I hope things start looking better for you soon. Self medicating is only covering the real problem, I definitely have experience with that. You may feel better, but you aren’t really better. Eventually, you’ll be even worse. So hopefully you find the right thing that improves your mental health in a healthy way ❤️
I truly understand what I'm doing is wrong.. and I know I'm just getting myself deeper into depression.. but at this moment in time it's the only thing that helps me sleep. I have a doctor's appointment Thursday so il be explaining about my increased alcohol intake and maybe I can hopefully up my dosage
Don’t worry, I’m not judging you at all. It’s common to self medicate with drugs or alcohol, I’ve done it myself. I used to be in a really bad place, but over time I’ve gotten much better, and getting the right treatment helps a lot.
If you have Addiction and Mental Illness, it’s called a Dual Diagnosis. Due to the complicated nature of this diagnosis, it can be especially hard to effectively treat. I can’t know if you are addicted or not, but for this reason I agree that it’s a good idea to let your doctor know, especially if you feel you may have an alcohol addiction as well. That way he is able to either effectively treat both issues so you can truly be mentally healthy, or he can refer you to someone who specializes in Dual Diagnosis’s. Good luck! ❤️
Hi Marc , sorry , I can't ignore you. Once you post on here you are ours. Alcohol is a depressant , so you are adding fuel to the fire, another cliché for you. It seems to me most people are self medicating with something; food, booze , drugs, abusing others, gambling , sex . It's an endless list. To some degree we all hurt. I don't know why knowing others are struggling should help, but it seems too. Misery loves company I guess. OMG, what is with the clichés . BlackandBlue has given you excellent advice , just what I would have said if I'd have gotten to you first. Maybe if you can put yourself first ( I suspect you don't ) and get a handle on your health issues then you might be ready for another go with your former partner. This is fixable, hard work, but you say bring it on, right? Right. Remember, you can say anything to us. We love you , but we don't know who the hell you are. Pam
Thank you for replying..
I understand it's a depressant and I understand I'm not doing any good drinking everyday.. but it's the only thing that works for me. I am ashamed of it.. and I'm hiding it well from people around me but it's going to catch up soon. I've been awake the last 7 hours just staring at a wall.. I'm just so desperate for something to work.
You have nothing to be ashamed of. We all do what ever we have to too get by.You're probably going to need some help at some point. I imagine you will be getting more responses from other members. What have you tried so far?
I've tried pretty much everything being on here is my last resort. I've even been prescribed temazipan in the past to help me, but I can't have those constantly cause their highly addictive. The only thing that seems to help is drinking.. I know it's self destructive and maybe there's something about it that i sub consciously want to just decay. I feel as if ive tried everything and theres nothing out there for me.. maybe ive left it too long to speak out now, I just know it's wrong in the long run but it's working for me. All though I literally pass out every night from drinking.. I end up waking around midnight.. and find myself drinking again.. I'm cringing just writing this
You sound a lot like me. I used to drink a lot. The intrusive thought were so brutality painful and unforgiving. I started to take a small dose .25 of Xanax. Which is a benzo like alcohol. But it really helped slow the brain down. I don't drink anymore but I would never judge someone who does. Life is hard and people have to do something to just survive. A good first step is just being here at the site communicating. See a doctor and be honest. Mine were very understanding about my drinking.
If you have a busy mind like I do making lists of even the simplest tasks help. Example, put shoes one, brush teeth. Marking these tasks off made me feel a bit of accomplishment and helped break down seemingly difficult tasks into easy bite sized ones.
Please keep posting.
Thanks for the reply.
I do try and live a normal life.. it's when I'm alone I can't feel nothing but helpless. I appreciate what your saying and I thank you. I'm seeing my doctor on Thursday and il be sharing what I've done with them.
Thank you again.. the support is overwhelming.
Good. This site has been a big help to me. I myself am down today so it is helpful for me to get plugged into those who can relate. So everyone who posts is really here for me and helping me out. Thanks again for your posts.
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