Too much, too quickly?

[MattBuckland]

Hi Guys

Every day is a battle, three weeks back at work (taking Friday's off - using leave)

Meeting with manager every two weeks.

I am outwardly looking more confident but so much effort just to get to work worried that I am going to slip into another breakdown after coming out of one only 3 weeks ago.

I want to be at work and have been able to get some things done at a reduced rate which is better than being off sick I guess, just hard to square it with myself.

I have a lot of freedom in my job that does allow for this but don't want to be hiding in plain site, thinking of going to HR and getting something a bit more official down as I struggle if things are not black and white.

On a positive note I went and joined a choir on Monday and it was great, so massive for me to do anything social, I just think that effort with work knackered me.

I know I have to work on the social life as well as work or everything will go wrong again, it is just that I have such a limited amount of mental and physical energy at the moment.

Sort work, sort social life, sort mental health, feeling like a roller coaster when all I feel that I can handle is the teacups. I do know that if I only focus on one of those things it will be bad so it has to be all three just at a reduced rate. I hope that work can understand as I have been a very good employee and will be again if I am given the time.

Just wanted to share, off to work now to have another go and a support group tonight. Thanks for being here, Matt

[Hidden]

Hi Matt

It's so great to hear from you.

I understand how you feel, but sounds to me like you're ding well and work are trying to help.

Think going to hr is a good idea.

Life is about work and making time for a social life, it's difficult. I'm m so pleased to hear you've joined a choir and enjoying it! It's great to find a hobby that you can do with like minded people. Do keep going.

You are doing really well, don't forget though you will get ups and downs, even people who don't get depression do. Try to go with the flow and don't be hard on yourself! You're,doing really well! 👍😊

Take care and good luck.

[MattBuckland in reply to Hidden]

Hi Fibropop

Thanks so much for the support, went to a mental health support group last night which was hard but good, kind of like this forum but face to face. Had a good chat with my boss yesterday and he is more than happy to work with HR so feeling a lot less vulnerable.

Hope that you are doing okay, your support to people on this forum is so giving, I hope that you give time for yourself.

Off to work now will try my best to go with the flow.

All the best, Matt

[Hidden in reply to MattBuckland]

Hi Matt

That sounds so good and you sound a bit more hopeful a nd upbeat. I am so pleased your boss is supporting you and that you are doing ok with the work etc!

I am pleased that you are getting the help you need.

I am ok, but going through a bit of a bad time with my fibromyalgia at the moment, so if I'm not on here too much in nest few days that's why. It's too painful to type sometimes.

You are in my thoughts though.

Keep going and fighting, you're doing so well.

Take care and good luck, Fp

[Anna2008]

Hi Matt, I think that fear of having another breakdown is only natural...I certainly worry about slipping back into that total pit of despair that hit me 4 months ago. However, the last major depressive episode I had before that was 12 years ago. That's not to say I didn't have smaller, less debilitating episodes between those times, but I continued working and they seemed easier to cope with/get through at the time. I suppose what I am trying to say is you're not alone in your battle and we must all keep on keeping on. And well done for everything you're doing.

Anna

[MattBuckland in reply to Anna2008]

Hi Anna

Thanks that is very reassuring, it is always good to know that you are not fighting alone. Thank you so much for taking the time to reach out.

Off tomorrow so one hard day to get through and then a bit of a break.

Matt