Bipolar?

I am fed up with feeling inferior, insignificant and that everyone is judging me. But then, at the drop of a hat, I can be on a high, getting along and joking with everyone and having a laugh. Yesterday I returned to work to find myself sat at my desk, joking and chatting only to start sweating, boiling up and shaking. So I ran outside to get some fresh air to find myself still shaking and then being violently sick and crying. I went back into work after the episode but this happened several times throughout the day. Up, then down.

I've been tried on Sertraline but they didn't agree with me (sickness, diarrhoea and insomnia). So I was put on Fluoxetine and there were no side effects. That didn’t help so my dose was doubled and I am now on 40mg a day.But, I am still having these episodes of manic changes in state of mind and confidence.

I am fortunate to have an awesome employer and they’re very understanding and caring. But I am starting to feel like I am taking the mick (Mickey Bliss) now. I am worried about getting dismissed but I genuinely don’t know what mood I will wake up in. I will either be so happy and chatting to anyone and making (mostly inappropriate) jokes or I will be so inferior and convinced that everyone is looking at me - especially on public transport or in public locations.

My doctor said he doesn’t “think” it’s anything like bipolar but it’s not being ruled out.

I am curious to know if anyone else is experiencing similar symptoms and would be willing to give some advice?

Thanks in advance!

12 Replies

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  • Hey

    I think I have similar symptoms. Its hard to describe to people because they dont seem to quite get it. When I am fine everything is great and I am optimistic. I can also get quite out of hand and be very inappropriate. When I get depressed I feel like it would be best to die. I feel alone and helpless, like there is no hope and that I have tried everything to make life better and nothing has worked. That is of coarse until I feel ok again and then I get ready to put everything to right. I too can go up and down several times in a day. Sometimes when I am enthusiastic I feel hopeless at the same time. Sometimes when I feel ok I totally forget that there is this cyclical problem going on. It is all very confusing.

    I finally found a nurse that will listen, its a great relief, however im really not sure what treatment options to try out.

    I think I might have been experiencing these symptoms my whole life (im 36), but with age it gets more intense. I've learned to live with the confusion and have just conceded that life is crazy.

    I think I really realized that something was wrong when I discovered that most people don't think life is crazy and aren't on a crazy roller coaster ride.

    When I talk to people about this they say things like; don't obsess about mental illness or like don't problematise yourself and i'm just left thinking no-one is going to get this or maybe im just making this up in my head.

    I hope the more people talk about these issues on forums like this the more educated the society will become. These are really difficult issues to deal with especially if no one wants to recognize them as real problems.

    So no, I don't think you are taking the Mick, I too am having real trouble being balanced.

  • hello Muunie

    So nice to hear from you and it's great to read that there's others out there that are going through the same thing (well it's not but you know what I mean lol). I am lucky to have a nice family that are very supporting, I hope that's the same with you too.

    I go literally from one extreme to the other.....high, happy and spending money or low, inferior and reluctant to leave my bedroom, let alone the house. When I do leave the house I get that worried and panicked that I am physically sick.

    I will let you know how I get at the doctors when I finally get an appointment.

    Please keep me posted on how you get on. I wish you the best.

    Lee

  • I know how you feel hope you're getting some help

  • thank you Warreng123....I hope you are too. How are things today? :)

  • Blimey it sounds like me. I'm just waiting as I'm being referred. It's strange to think most people think of us as intense worriers and excitable people and a bit 'quirky'. Personally I find it difficult to find a balance in my life and it's exhausting playing catch up. I hope you get things more on an even keel soon x

  • Hey Hponme,

    Thanks for your comment and I agree with it. Most people do understand (I have found that out myself when discussing it with friends and colleagues) but those that don't are just ignorant. I've learnt to ignore them now. They're normally those 'tough guys' that nothing ever happens to them and they're really tough but they never cry or never show emotion. I bet that's a different story when they get behind closed doors ;-)

    Keep me posted on your progress please. I'd love to know how you got on and I hope you're okay :-)

    Best,

    Lee

  • Hey all,

    Update:

    I spoke to the doctors and they basically they said they can't do anything for me other than prescribe some more medication to "cover you over Christmas" and told me to self-refer myself to a local service which deals with mental health. So I've done just that...it took me a good 10 minutes to fill out their forms online (you know, 'on a scale of 1 to 10 how do you...'.

    I was given a nice link though, and I thought it's worth sharing ntw.nhs.uk/pic/selfhelp/

    I don't usually post online but I don't think these issues are talked about enough and there's still a lot of stigma attached to the whole issue.

    I hope who ever is reading this is okay - chin up! Take each day as it comes.

    Lee

  • Does self referral include psychiatrists or just counselling? I am fairly sure it needs to be a gp referral to get seen by an actual psychiatrist, at least that is how it works in my area. Not to be negative, just thought you may want to double check things and possibly get back on to your gp asap to get a referral in place if needed. Really hope that you get sorted soon, it can be so difficult xx

  • thank you Nenny. I am already attending CBT sessions which are private and not through the NHS but they don't seem to be helping the random highs and lows I experience. I've referred myself to my local "mental health team" as recommended by my GP. I will let you know how I get on. I hope you're okay :)

  • awesome stuff, do let us know how it goes. I am doing fairly well at the moment, very tiny bit hyper but nothing to worry about :) I am myself bipolar so can appreciate how hard it is swinging from one extreme to the other :/ sometimes I find it helps to take myself somewhere quiet when my brain is in over drive and just take a few minutes to close my eyes, breathe deeply and slowly and try to find a bit of calm xxx

  • Hi leertc

    Your post popped up on the side of the nhs page for 'beating the winter blues' and I'm going through exactly the same thing, like everyone else responding.

    I was on Sertraline since the start of this year and changed to Fluoxetine last week because I just seemed to stop responding to it. I've barely had any side effects apart from the odd episode of night sweats but I got used to them a long time ago on Sertraline.

    When I was first diagnosed with depression several years ago my GP at the time mentioned bipolar 2 during that episode but I haven't heard the practice I am currently with mention it once.

    I can't quite describe how I'm feeling but it's nothing like the previous episode of depression I've had. Like you I don't know what state I am going to wake up in. At the moment I really struggle to get out of bed but can have the biggest up swings and then completely crash again.

    I purchased a SAD light earlier this week in the hope that it might give me an extra boost but I think it's too early to say. Might be worth looking in to one as well if you haven't got one already?

    Wish everyone the best! I'm not seeing my GP again till the 20th this month so fingers crossed the Fluoxetine kicks in and helps.

  • Hey pablo25,

    Nice to hear from you.

    Fluoxetine helps me, it really does. I hope it does with you too. What's your dosage, if you don't mind me asking?

    I will let you know what I hear back from my self referral.

    Keep me posted on your progress please :) Talking about this and being open certainly helps!

    Lee