How to control dream dad thought

Hello, I posted my problem regarding due to the lack of Tender loving care from my father,my life sucks right now, which u can see over the below link

But now i start to become happy, as i mentioned earlier, i m confident enough to control any thought. But the problem right now is, if i see a good and a good-looking person, i start to dream as, "i would be much happy if he acts as my dad till the rest of my life"

I know its a bad thought,because when this thought becomes concentrated to me then, i will make all the possiblities to impress that person till he says me that i love you as my son..Then i will make the things worse.. i know this is a stupid thought which is never gonna happen, but how much ever hard and emotionally i try i cant control this thought, i m stumbled and stuck in this thought....

Because, my present situation is like my manager is a good and a good looking person...i sometimes cant able listen to his speech, because i think like,"i wud be happy if he understands my problem and start acting and guides me like a dad" ..i get into this thought deeply and cant control this feeling...

I wanted to control this because i m damm sure like that thought never gonna happen..but still i m stuck..

please help me.. i cant control this thought no matter what ever hard thing i do...

And also tell me then how i can be happy in my life ..since i also have a decent pay..i cant even talk to my best friends because my bad dad experience reminds me of every situation of my life to whomever i talk...i m texting this in deep feelings..please sort me out my life

Please help me!!

4 Replies

  • Hi

    Listen pllleaase excuse my ignorance but is any of this wrapped up in an attraction to men sexually? Maybe this isnt so much about you missing a father figure as to how you feel about men in general? If I got that wrong I apologise, I realise its a sensitive subject and I dont wish to make the wrong assumption.

    My father ruined my life and I never really recovered from what he did to me, but the past is past he's dead and I forgave him along time ago. The thing is we are raised with Hollywood films of the perfect family and love and kindness, often it isnt like that in real life.

    If you father wasn't smart enough to cherish what he had in you, it's his loss. I appreciate men need their fathers but do know what you have flourished without him, despite him, so up

    Maybe you just need to find a loving relationship, maybe your brain is getting confused mixing up a need to be in a healthy loving relationship with good parenting. Im sorry to report the chances are you wont find your daddy, but that in a good relationship we nuture each other and the roles of Mummy, Daddy, friend, lover become interchangable to come degree.

    Lastly HOWEVER you feel, whatever you thnk its okay, its your life and you are perfect in every way. I merely suggest the above because Id rather everything worked for you.

    Relatonships are sooo complex believe me if I had the answer, if I could wave a wand for you I would. Just know you are okay.


  • its not of attraction sexually carolinelondon, even i had a doubt over this, but i later figured it out its just an attractions as dad love..i know this may sound sensitive as gay thought..but not actually what it sounds like....just wanted to get the love from him, ususally what a dad gives to his son to experience the tender love...but i know its not gonna happen sadly

  • it is not wrong to want someone you admire, look up to, to say :-

    well done; I'm proud of you; you can do it; I understand

    - all the kind, caring, supportive words/comments we all have the right and need to hear.

    It's these reassurances and approval that help build our self confidence, our self-esteem.

    If you don't have this support in your life from close family, it's natural to dream of hearing it from others.

    You sound like, at this moment, this need is overwhelming you.

    Is there something else, do you think, that maybe making you feel less sure of yourself?

    You say that you are working, on a decent salary and have good friends. Just take a minute and take these things in, they are excellent positives.

    They also suggest to me that people like you as a friend and that you must be good at your job. I feel that others can see in you things you maybe can't see at this moment, but hopefully will again soon.

    Your post tells me that you have an inner strength, that despite your father, you have made a life for yourself.

    I hope this makes sense and might help.



  • Hi,

    wanting to find a role model you can look up to, and gain his respect is natural, especially if your Dad failed to provide this. However be cautious that you do not put too much emphasis on a person's looks or nice manners as it may hide a bad personality. Also, be wary of showing too much emotion and faith in them too soon, as often good people hate being put on a pedestal, and he may feel harassed. It can create a lot of pressure. Best to try to form a sensible and respectful working relationship, and prove yourself to be a good employee, reliable and trustworthy. A good boss will reciprocate. A bad one may try to take advantage, especially if he feels you are overly impressed with him. You will soon realise which category the boss falls into and be able then to decide if you really want this person to be your role model.

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