i wanted to be happy from now on..

[ramschinus]

hello, its good i got this platform now,i need to share my experience hoping that i will get a change in my life in a good way and i hope i would be happy after the advice from you...

My problem is i am not at all happy in my life, i am now 22 yrs old(male), working in a IT with a decent pay, but the prob is i m not having friends, i tried hard to get friends but i dropeed after they are not getting friendly to me, to be frank they are bored with my friendship and that is the fact,,they think that i am a lonely person and not getting invited most of the times.. and i m just fed up with this..i actually suffer a lot mentally because the world around me is enjoying,laughing but i m just depressed without friends and also sometimes a reason for their laugh..

my face looks somewhat gloomy because its a natural thing and i m alsot trying to make a smile through meditation, but i m dropping it too..

sometimes i feel i m different from others like a person standing out of the crowd, but i m not getting famous..infact i m a talented person which i agree personally, but i cant use my talent, my talent is my confidence, my guts, the ability to face anything,my innovations i have a patent too...

my biggest problem is i am not communicating properly..sometimes people dont understand what i speak because i m not actually cared of them( i think like u understand or u just leave) what they understand..just I blabber out, whatever it comes to my mind

the reason which i believe for all this problem is that from my childhood my parents fight and i actually hate my father because my grandfather died after my birth, so he having a feeling that its because of my birth his father died and my so called father is a superstitious person also..

i never had a smile till now in his presence, in my childhood i actually cud not even say my feelings to anyone because, it was a very cheap reason saying that my dad not good at me when he is good to my own brother..and my heart getting burnt when i see live how my uncle loves his kids.. my dad being not good to me all relatives knows and still they will not care about it.. and he is a stinky and got a bad character, hurts by his talks and so bad being with him..and by the way even my dad starts loving now also i wont accept him because the pain that i had in my life cant be so forgiven.. bcos of him i had to also run out of my house once when i was a bright student at my school, then i returned home, since i ran out of my home all started to mock at me, even the least good ones of my school..

when I was playing with my cousins once, I got hurt over my head and started bleeding and some flesh also dropped, even in that time he said like I will not take you to the doctor and scolded me so badly infront of my relatives..then my uncle new to this place got me to the hospital..

I thought like he doesnot learnt to show love to people, but whenever I salary gets credited, that day he will show too much love and then asks my salary..i refused to give my salary this time…even he has not learnt to show love, I wud have felt ok..but he knows to show love but he doesnot do it..

When mine and his fight happens at home everyday, I cud not able to talk to my friends properly from childhood , I wont even share with them, because felt like they cant change my father..this is the reason I m not happy till now..

However happy I try to be, all the happiness will be dropped after coming to home and talking to him..because of this I got very silent in my life..i don’t know how to find my happiness..

I cant just also just hang with a friendship too long..i don’t even know, for whom I shud live..

I wanted happiness in my life with all friends surrounded and by showing my talent to this world, tell me how

For god sake, I beg you to advice me which would change my life,,please..

[ladeda]

Dear Ramschinus, loneliness can be a very hard cross to bear when like you,you are so very young and vulnerable.

You sound confused and sad at the moment but so full of hope that you can find a better way. Of course you can but it will take time and effort and has to start from within.

Love is a very strange and beautiful thing, but here's the thing the more you may crave for it the more you can sometimes attract the opposite, get left feeling insecure, searching for guidance and stability from those around you.

You are feeling bad about your father, and why not, he is supposed to be your guide in life nurturing you to be as good as you can, so. You feel angry, but try to understand his life didn't come with a guide book either, and he may have to deal with his own damages that he has carried from childhood. We need to nurture love in one another and this can be a very long and difficult journey.

Everyone is so very different and you only see what is just above the surface. Try not to have too many expectations with the new friends you meet along the way, or they will soon disappear. But for yourself you need to slowly nurture your inner person, you are very bright and intelligent, you know you could be a happier person if you received a little more TLC , so start by giving yourself as much as you can. You are not looking for perfection and will never find it , so you know you will make lots of mistakes along the way, but keep trying to find the things around you that please and bring smiles, but by bit the happier you become the more people will love being around you.

It is sometimes very difficult to socialize, but you have to keep trying, find hobbies, interests and try new things, our world is so full of wonder with so much to do, but you will not find it until you take a first step and just keep on walking.

If your family doesn't seem to know how to be compassionate and kind, try to treat them with compassion and kindness and see if it has an effect? It's sometimes worth a try to break a destructive cycle.

You have come so far in your young life with so much further to go, so make that stand that you will just keep trying. Try having that faith in yourself and when things seem unbearable find someone to talk to in person, that might help you to sort through these feelings.

Take care. Xx

[Olderal]

Hello R, your post reads very sadly and reminds me of the old saying its your parents that really f--- you up. Your father seems to have problems and is as a result projecting much misery onto yourself. Well it won't be the first time that's happened but its sad that you are both missing out on a good father son relationship. That is not that uncommon either.

Leaving home would solve that particular problem but might leave you feeling even lonelier. By the way don't imagine the world is all laughing except you , read the statistics, or some of the posts on this site. You are not unique in finding it difficult to make friends. That is quite common and if you are one of those people you just have to work harder at it. Pay colleagues compliments , take in cakes on your birthday, offer to bring a coffee back when you get one. Sooner or later you must hit one with the same problems, and you'll have a potential friend ,but it won't happen unless you work at it.

Also join a club (not connected with IT-you guys are a bit geeky 😀). The local paper should tell you whats available. At 22 there must be a sport that appeals, even a walking group, which allows opportunity for conversation,and possibly a pint afterwards. The main point of this is that you will have something to make conversation about other than work or your problems. better still join two clubs , be daring, you'll have twice as much to talk about and double your chances of liking one.

And for heavens sake don't believe the rest of the world are all happy with hundreds of friends. The statistics for young men are readily available and it is n't like that at all.

You can not expect the rest of your family,or friends to interfere in the business of your immediate family. It is n;t their business and they know it. So forget that idea.

Best of luck but you won't get that luck unless you work at it. As gary player once said "the more I work at it ,the luckier I seem to get"

Olderal