I have experienced a worst childhood...i am 22 yrs old working in it..but still i need a dad like person, so i can live like a normal human being..many times thought of killing myself...becos of our worst bonding, still i need a father like character in my life..so i would be taught how to live in this society
what the thing i shud do, so i will get a good father like character from my office..
Hi Ram why do you still need a father figure at 22? is it something to do with your culture? Can you explain this bit more please? x
Hi Ram,
our paths through life can seem so difficult, but filling yourself with too many expectations can sometimes give cause for more pain. You are your own person, just think how different you can do things when the time comes for you to be a father and you can be a fantastic father at that, maybe your sad experience is what will make you such a successful man as you mature.
We are all individual with our own free wills, I grew up in a very dysfunction family and knew I would do things differently, but I never found the ideal family I so craved either, but it was so much better than where I came from and I love my children so much, they lost their father around your age, but he didn't die, it has left deep scares, but my children are maturing beautifully and one day I think they will become much better parents than I was, because they can learn to do it their way, just as you can.
It's a sad fact of life that we don't always have the roll models to help guide us through life, but it's not only your parents that are your roll models, there are all your other relatives, your teachers, your work colleagues, and all your friends past and present and future.
Try not to worry so much about what you can't change, but look inside and treat yourself with compassion and love , your father has not destroyed you, because you are better than that, be strong and don't look back, just keep your heart open and don't be afraid to stand tall and be open to a world of possibilities xx
Hello
Sometimes the bonding between Parent and child especially between Son and Father can be a problem and it can be difficult to actually put a finger on the problem.
Sometimes even the relationship between Mother and Son can be very strained as well and that can happen with one of those two partners. One problem can arise is a marriage made because of a birth, or the Father feels crushed by the attitude of the Mother who may be two faced towards the son etc.
If there is a complex relationship, especially when the child has become adult that can be very difficult and complicated problem to sort.
When looking for an alternative Father/Son relationship that can be a problem. I had a surrogate family and that increased the stress in my family proper.
If you need to talk I am here. A pensioner of sixty five, if that will help.
One thing you really need to do is talk to your GP about your problem as well. I do feel for you although I do not know your family dynamics.
I am here if you need to chat
BOB
Ram, there comes a time when you need to draw the line on people who have a bad impact on you. from your previous post your father seems to have been a negative impact on you and your up bringing.
you can try to find a fatherly figure out there but those figures may not understand your issue and it's best to avoid attempting otherwise you will only disappoint yourself and end up alienating yourself. think of the ideals that a father should have and nurture those in you and be a better person.
you seem to suffer from a self esteem problem. have you ever tried to do any form of martial arts? i don't say this to fight your dad but it's to give you confidence in yourself and to help you enjoy yourself out there with others. slowly try newer things maybe dancing lessons, etc. the more time you spend out there away from home and your father the better you can feel in yourself. check in your area if there are any counselling therapies you can attend for support
Yesterday after my replied to you I was considering a way forward here.
I let this type of situation go on for too long and I only alienated myself from my family after my Father died and my Mother decided to disinherit me.
Now I have started a new life and have no contact whatsoever with any family members. I am now at peace with the situation and have started a new life away from the whole lot of them. In a way looking back I was flogging a dead horse and should have got out sooner. It took fifty years to throw in the towel, so you need to consider do you need all that hassle in future years as it could affect you future years and any family you will have in the future.
In my case it made me less trusting, with wife and friends. It also affected relationships with girlfriends and future plans. With me it stopped me and my wife having children.
Personally I am not saying that will happen in your case, although you have a great deal of things to think out for your future relationships and life
Here for a chat
BOB
Hi Ram,
I think I know where you are coming from, because even at my age of 51 I still feel the need for a father figure. Someone to talk to, to ask for advice from. Someone who has my best interests at heart. Someone who is separate enough from me to be able to have a better perspective. Someone with whom I can discuss my fears without feeling I am being criticised, patronised or judged. Someone who will help me find a way forwards out of the situation I am in. Someone who will fix things that go wrong and help me navigate my way in life.
This mythical father figure will be totally trustworthy, always available, and honest.
Does everyone feel this way?
Hi Ram quite a few have left replies to you, is it possible to come back and let us know how you are getting on please? x
hi coughalot2, i need because i now stumble to take decisions, if i had a good father, he cud have taught me what is good and what is bad in this world...a good father cud have taught how to live in this world...
daily i find difficulty in socializing becos i always get reminded of my bad dad..so i cant enjoy the present, though its good...i cant forget whatever he does also, because daily there wud be some bad fight goinng on within us... i m fed up with that..then how fully i can enjoy the present? just tell me please...
how cud i forget all the mistakes did to me and start a happy life..
i feel like, i have no more happy life without a good dad...becos i m really feeling lonely where i cudnot express this to friends openly, since it may get a rumour(as i m pretty famous) and people start feeling pitty abt me...which i m not wanted!
then how i live a happy good life????????/
Hi Ram well you haven't got a good dad you have a bad one and you can't change it, so there is nothing to be gained from keep wishing you could.
You can do what we all have to do, deal with the past if it is getting in the way of the present and the future (maybe through counselling) and teach yourself how to get along with others. Many of us have to write a line under the past before we can move on.
I am not saying your dad is not a bad one but are you sure you aren't blaming all your problems onto him? Think about it. What about your mother? Didn't she teach you anything? And your brothers and sisters? Do they all have the same problems you are facing? Talk to them and see what they could teach you. x
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