why has my gp never

[FallenAngel]

I can not help wondering why my gp has not advised ect for me , why are people not sectioned anymore? Pills don't work for me I am at my wits end and I just feel abandoned by the medical profession .

[bananabread]

Hi, Im not sure ive posted to you before but I wanted to let you know that you arent alone in this one! We put so much hope into finding some help, and finally work up to asking for it, and get ignored because we dont fit well enough into any sort of treatment box (this is only my opinion of course!) I think ECT is a very extreme approach, more than anything I have studied neuroscience and read some posts on here that show it more often has a very detrimental effect on your long term memory. I understand if this seems like a plus for you, but maybe in the future you will find it harder to feel like a whole person because you cant integrate older memories into new ones and I think it is important to have a timeline of memories for your whole life (I understand if these memories are traumatic and very upsetting it would seem ridiculous to keep them, but they make you who you are and i think its harder to grow as a person without them) Are you feeling in a panic now? Could you call someone to help you thats nearby? My thoughts are with you, I hope i havent said anything to upset you I really just wanted you to know that im listening and want to help xxx

[Suzie40 in reply to bananabread]

Your reply is really interesting, I enjoyed reading it.

[FallenAngel]

thank you for the reply .. I just feel like no one is out there to help ,I am sick of living with this dark illness I am willing to try anything , I don't live I exist and I am very sick of it ,I am so alone and my head just wont stop thinking all the time .. xx

[Barb07 in reply to FallenAngel]

You are not alone.I feel miserable and tortured when my depression is bad.I just want to go on thelongest sleep.It does consume you.It is the illness not you.I try to remember this when I am suffering.I wish I could find a cure for everyone who is suffering.Believe me you are not alone. Try to do at least one nice thing for yourself a day.Remember it's not your fault. I still believe that hormones are the cause.You will have brighter days xx

[hippochick in reply to FallenAngel]

Hi again... you're not alone..keep posting on here we all understand. I'm also in touch with Samaritans daily at the moment if you'd like to give them a try their email is [e-mail] They also call you if you prefer that

[Hidden]

Hi Angel. I think you just want to be taken seriously by the medical profession - having ect and/or being sectioned would mean you are. That I am afraid is the trouble these days - there is very little help out there and no one cares any more. I am in the same position and I have given up expecting much help from the professionals. I do know I would hate to have ect or to be sectioned though! Not nice. And I am not even sure that would help your depression. It might make it worse. I don't have any answers but just wanted you to know I emphasise with you. You are not alone. x

[FallenAngel in reply to Hidden]

thanks x

[bananabread]

I think i read in your other posts that you take mirtazapine..do you sleep alright? I hope so, it is really good if you can get a break from your brain for a while! I have some issues with drug addiction (anything and everything in the last 10 years!), and im trying to get better coping mechanisms so I am hoping maybe some of the things i do to escape my horrible thoughts might help you somehow.. i read stuff online from different psychiatrists, like Thomas Szasz (im always going on about him sorry). He had a very philisophical and kind approach to mental illness, and I always find it distracting. He had a very long career as well so there is a lot to read! Also, do you remember the first poem you read or music you listened to that really made your heart soar? I find listening to/reading them makes me at least remember feeling happy, and in that remembering I know that my brain still has something left to work with! Also if you are fairly mobile you could try some yoga at home (i got vids online). I didnt find it particularly soothing but it was bloody hard work so at least i drained some of my physical energy. I know this might seem like a ridiculous analogy, but the dog whisperer always said you need to drain your dog of energy before their mind is ready to learn, and I think this is quite true of me at least. Once all that nervous energy is built up it becomes more internal and fuels your thoughts which spiral downward, and maybe draining some physical energy would help you to feel more able to quiet some of the most negative thoughts. Again, this works for me, and each persons experience of this dark illness(very well put) is completely different so do ignore all of this if it doesnt make any sense to you. xxx

[Stilltrying_ in reply to bananabread]

These are very thoughtful and insightful suggestions Bananabread

[FallenAngel]

I don't sleep well no .. I don't like living alone .. Pills have failed me for 25 years so I cant see any working for me now .I know I am miserable but the lonliness is breaking me I am filled with regret and sadness xx

[georgina84]

Hi. Do u work? Or have anything that breaks ur week up like hobbies? Do u have a bed time routine to help with sleep? Like a bath, book and bed at same time each night? I was very depressed for a long time. And like u felt that the nhs didn't listen until i was in a really bad state. I didn't want to do go down the drug route as i studied too much about them during my degree. I pretty much had to diagnose my self. Firstly, i had bloods taken- showed hormone imbalance.

i started with my diet - removed anything that could create low moods or were linked with depression. So, fizzy drinks and carbohydrates and sugar. I have pcos - therefore weight is an issue. But when low i craved the wrong food. The diet slimming world do is a pretty good start.

next is sleep- for me i struggled at night because my life came alive. All my regrets and thoughts. I have a baby son and we had him into a bed time routine to help him sleep. I try to apply this to me as well.

so... I try not to eat two hours before bed. I have something to relax me, no stimulation. So no tv or in my case a scary book. I also try and avoid caffeine filled drink or food after mid day. If i get the chance i go for walk or swim. Or bath to relax. I also don't get up if my brain is wired.

i am lucky. I have family to support me. Do you have anyone? If so, go with them when low and use them as distraction. Or write a diary. Get two colours and put all your thoughts down. One colour for negative and one for positive. Try to put at least one positive, it could be as simple as it is a sunny day. Can do this once a day or week. After a few entry's u can reread and see if ur perspective has changed.

my husband laughs at me when i say i have run away legs! For me, this is when in restless or anxious. I have to get up and move. Although i hate the thought of getting up and doing exercise, the feeling after is great. Could you afford a gym pass or better still a personal trainer? They are hard work- but i felt i stuck to it more when i had someone booked in and i was paying for it. Now i have read on other sites, gps have helped pay for membership to gym if your on benefits. May need to find this out.

alternatively, if you can join a exercise club it means you meet new people and combine exercise together. This could be netball or zumba. But find right group for u.

i have avoided drugs so far and that's the only way i did it. there were times i wanted to kill myself and extreme bad parts. But i got cbt therapy which help deal with the now. Ive not felt with the past yet, but as in getting stronger i feel i can.

i hope this has helped and im sure you have heard most of this before.

[Photogeek in reply to georgina84]

Hi Georgina that is a really positive post. I agree with you that

We have to rely more on ourselves to change things. No pill or medication is a magic bullet. I find you have to make changes I. Other areas

Of your life, diet excercise and hobbies and think of other people.

I find Music helps me too and I can forget worries when I listen to

It. Also being grateful for what I have rather than moaning about what I don't have.

Hannah

[Barb07 in reply to georgina84]

I will try the colour idea.Your comments are helpfulx

[FallenAngel in reply to georgina84]

I don't work I couldn't if I tried there are days I can not get out of bed .. I am massively over weight which knocks my confidence .. ppl say you have to help yourself I think those people have no idea of server depression ..

[Luckyring56]

Hi Angel,

I think that maybe you latched on to the fact that I had had ECT...Hun that was in 2002 and since then things have changed a lot. Do you really think it helped me in the long term? If it did I wouldn't still be here posting would I? I would be out there getting on with life.

It detached me, fragmented me, caused me to be unable to form long term memories. It didn't take away the bad memories from before I had it, only the good ones seem more distant and detached from my life. I came home at the end, slid down the kitchen cupboards and sat on the floor, pulled up my knees, grasped them and rocked myself backwards and forwards, wailing. I couldn't even remember where the drinking mugs were. It was ever so scary. Is that what you want - to face that alone?

A prerequisite is an MRI scan to check that there isn't any other cause for you feeling like this...you need to hang on in there until 15th May hun.

If it is then offered, make sure that it is unilateral, not bilateral.

(((Hugs)))

Lorraine

PS my husband recommends it but only if unilateral.

[Hidden in reply to Luckyring56]

I've never had ECT but what you describe is exactly how I imagined it effects people so I am grateful I have not! It sounds horrendous. x

[Luckyring56 in reply to Hidden]

It is! I still cannot bring myself to go anywhere near the hospital where it was done and that is 12 yrs later.

My husband, however, has a different opinion and reckons I'd be dead now without it...sometimes I think that might have been a better option! The only things you truly process afterwards are the really stressful events like losing a parent or son in law. Everything else goes right over your head.

That's only my take on it, would love to hear of others that have had it to compare myself to.

Lorraine

xxx

[coatpin]

I think these days we think the gps have all the answers in fact they dont, even havent got the time. Try counselling at least you can explore, how you feel, Some gps just are not interested in depression, as a specialist subject untill thier mother brother sister develops it. gps are human. They have good days bad days, and lack of interest just like us, we are just more sensitive.

Oh the other idea I had ,,, Change doctors!!

[hippochick]

I can only say that I know exactly how you're feeling. IM in exactly the same space as you. I've lost all will with my gp surgery and Mental Health team. I was sectioned last summer after a mental breakdown. But since being discharged the care coordinator has been impatient intolerant and im scared to even ring the unit now. Recent bloods showed i have underactive thyroid which causes exhaustion, tiredness & weight gain. Mirtazapine does help me sleep but want to cut out all anti d's but that's just for me. IM not a doctor so seek advice ( if you can get an appointment

[FallenAngel in reply to hippochick]

I went to see my gp today , waste of time she said and did nothing .. whats the point in going anymore ..

[Marylyn]

You need to exclude thyroid & Vitamin b12 especially MTHFR genetic mutation all these can cause severe depression which majority of drs don't consider.In 40yrs of nursing I am fed up with drs treating symptoms with drugs instead of looking for cause.My husband has been depressed for 20yrs had 20 symptoms of B12 including extensive dvts as I have been ill for 12mths with genetic B12 he checked his level 191 low 2 drs including physician ignored it.So readers do your selves a favour & get checked.I am still getting symptoms level at 485 with treatment.

[FallenAngel in reply to Marylyn]

I have had an underactive thyroid for 25 years , 100mcg daily , no improvement at all ..I went to see my gp today told her I was suicidal she gave me the samaratins number to call , I am furious at the lack of help..

[Stilltrying_ in reply to FallenAngel]

What is it you would like your doctor to do FallenAngel? You say pills are useless so the only other thing is counselling or ECT as you had thought of but from what I have seen your issues seem to be a lot to do with being on your own which ECT is not going to change. We have suggested grief counselling on here. Have you thought about that some more? I know you are being investigated for a pituatuary problem and

so maybe you need to wait for the results of that to see if anything can be done to help you. It may be a combination of two things; a physical illness and the fact that you are on your own with it and the grief of losing your mum two years ago. You say that "talking" ie counsellling will not bring your mum back. No, but expressing your emotions may help you work through the fact that she really has gone and not feel so "stuck" as you are now. I do not mean to be harsh and I know how terrible it is feeling suicidal. You say your doctor said to contact the samaritans. Well why not? They can really help. If you are genuinely at risk of killing yourself then please go to A and E. Also feel free to keep posting on here.

Regarding sectioning, I do feel your GP would have made plans to section you had they felt it necessary. If you feel this is a wrong decision you can still contact the emergency out of hours of your local mental health team and they will send a psychiatrist out to assess your mental state and will section you if it is appropriate.

Without knowing your actual mental state and if it is too low you will ignore what I am to write now, but I do feel some people have made some good suggestions to you regarding contacting your daughter and other things that you may be able to do to help yourself but it seems you are not ready to act at the moment. I do get the impression that you are looking to other people to change the way you feel inside but that is not possible; it is you who has to make those changes; people can support you but not do it for you.

Some of this may sound harsh to you, but it is written in the spirit of helping. I get days when I am completely desperate and unable to help myself except by literally sleeping through the day or something so I am not without understanding. The holidays will be particularly difficult for you. If you are desperate though FallenAngel please do take yourself to the hospital or phone 999 but try if you can to think of a more positive to thing to do for yourself today if you are able. Thinking of you. Gemmalouise

[Hidden]

Can't you see someone else at your surgery Angel? You might find a more sympathetic doctor. My doctor is great but when I told her I felt suicidal she asked me whether I had a plan. When I said no she didn't pursue it. I think that's the criteria. But she did say to come back and speak to her anytime which is what a good doctor should do. x

[georgina84]

I agree, see another dr or surgery. I had to change a few times. Also, know what you want when you see them and tell them. So if you want counselling, ask for it. I know its tough making decisions but its sadly what will get you through this. Focus on small steps, deep breaths and remember tomorrow is a new day, new start.

[FallenAngel]

i went to a&e six months ago told them I wanted to commit suicide , they sent me home and told me to make a gp app .. I just really feel there is no help out there for server depression , we are ill and that is not taken into consideration . I will change by gp when I get my hospital results ..

[Luckyring56 in reply to FallenAngel]

You're right of course Angel,

There is no help out there for severe depression until you've attempted suicide and even then the help is minimised to the bare essentials.

You say that you lay on your bed and think about it all day long...what are you eating and drinking and who is shopping and making your food and drinks for you? Are you bathing?

If you can't do even these basic things and you're on your own then something should be done. Have you contacted social services?

(((Hugs)))

Lorraine

xxx

[FallenAngel]

I barely eat or drink I just lie on my bed all day pulling my hair out ,, I am a mess I don't bath really ,no who would u suggest I contact at social services x

[Luckyring56 in reply to FallenAngel]

I'm not exactly sure but Social Services come under your local council. It has to be worth a general phone call to them, telling them how bad you feel and how little you're taking care of yourself and asking if there's any help available for you at all.

The other people you might try contacting is MIND. From what others have said on here they sound very good.

Between you and me, I struggle to motivate myself to bathe too and actually haven't washed my hair this year as yet. I opted for clipping it short so that no one notices, not that they would care anyway. I just wash the necessary bits like under my arms and until a month ago was sleeping in the same clothes as I was wearing during the day.

Do you mean you are literally pulling your hair out or are you speaking metaphorically?

Angel, would you prefer to PM me if we're going to share things in depth?

Luv,

Lorraine

xxx

[Stilltrying_ in reply to FallenAngel]

I've just found this for you Angel its from the Mind website :

"Community social care assessment (also called community care or social care assessment)

If you have a need for social care services and support, you are entitled to have a social care assessment. You are entitled to this even if you have been found not eligible for the care programme approach (CPA).

Social care assessments are carried out by your local authority social services department. You can ask your social services department for an assessment yourself by phone, letter or email – some local authorities also have an online form you can complete on their website. A carer, friend or relative can also ask for an assessment on your behalf."

Hope this helps. Also please don't forget what was said to you in another reply. Please do not punish your daughter by pushing her away and preparing her for your death. Please think of how this would make your daughter feel. I am saying this as someone's daughter and how I would feel if my mum had killed herself. Please reach out to your daughter and tell her how you feel and ask her for her help with this. I really feel that you have not been able to move since your mum's death and you need counselling and support with this, but maybe first the practical help of getting you bathed and so on will be necessary. You say you've always had depression and your mum was the only one who "got" you. I'm sure this is the case but would she want to see you like you are now? Please ask yourself that question. Would she not want you to be happier and moving forward without her?

Gemmalouise X

[FallenAngel]

thank you so much for the reply I will contact social services xx

[hippochick]

Hi FallenAngel, Are you under a CMHT ( Community Mental Health Team)? I was sectioned last Summer. I lost my mind after a series of events, last one being a sudden bereavement. I couldn't wait to leave because it increased my anxiety. I do understand the agony you're in. I'm a shivering wreck at the moment. If it weren't for the Samaritans I don't know where I'd be now. It's a day at a time with my thoughts. Hope you keep in touch on here. Hugz

[Hidden]

@FallenAngel

So how did your direction with social services go?

[FallenAngel in reply to Hidden]

utter waste of time x

[Hidden]

Hi

ECT is seldom advised any more - and I am not really surprised in that although some people do find it helps with intractable depression many people also report that it destroys their memory for much of their lives and although medics and researchers say that memory comes back research from users suggests it doesn't. So although depression feels like a life sentence it may be better than losing whole chunks of your life?

Depression is so cruel isn't it. I've also been depressed throughout much of my life, perhaps all of it, and have been at my wits end at times, but I found I only began to have some good days when I gave up believing I would ever be helped and shared my anger about that - ironically doing that DID help me, in that although I have days and times when I feel very low I am seldom as depressed as I used to be and more importantly I can now usually experience really deep pleasure in things I enjoy.

How do you really feel about being abandoned - distress, anger, resentment. Of course they should treat us all - the problem is how? The ideal is talking therapy over a long period of time because although in itself it doesn't solve anything it does provide the kind of support that shifts the way we feel about ourselves and our lives - sadly it is no longer available on the NHS due to the cuts.

I think it is sad that few of us who write on the website about struggling without getting the help we need are angry. I think we should be angry. The NHS is no longer meeting the needs of people with mental health problems, whether the problems are long term depression or the need for an emergency admission. If we want to express our anger about that we should perhaps do so politically and put an end to the fat cat bonuses that exist within the NHS as well as banking! If the people at the top and on all the many advisory working parties and quangos were paid less there would be more money for treating patients and paying more nurses.

Suex