Why?

[iloveyou454]

Why do some of us have to suffer from being sad all the time. Why are there so many happy people enjoying there lives and the rest of us don't matter. I feel like everywhere i go I am not cared for. And what makes me feel worse is that there are more people who have to suffer and not being cared for either. I decided to talk to a counselor but they made me feel like i am a freak that in crazy for feeling the way. i feel sometimes i wonder if i'm ever going to be happy. does the world hate me or is it just me hating myself? when, just when will i ever be happy? that's all i want, is to be happy

[Hidden]

seeing people happy should give you a goal you can aim for, seeing people unhappy makes me want to cheer them up, !!

I suffer from depression and am sure it is caused by my disability ,Which is a start I think of getting better, I don,t see counsellors as they get my back up (perhaps I have only seen the wrong ones?) now that I know what is causing my depression I am sure I will find a way to put it in its place (I hope at least) I also suffer from PTSD which is something I dont think I will ever beat hence my not being able to go out alone ! I suffer panic attacks have been diagnosed "Agoraphobic" and yes I am sad a lot of the time ! but more than being sad I am Angry very angry! I often sit here Alone crying , Crying for what I am missing things I should be doing things I should have done! but could not or perhaps it is would not ?? did I try hard enough ? am I really trying at all??

My Daughter had a stillbirth at full term and I did not go to the funeral same as when my son died ! Physically I am a man but in reality I feel as if I am nothing but I still try ! be happy for those who have something to Smile about find out why you are sad , once you know there is a big chance you can overcome your sadness ! Most of all be happy for those who can be happy!

[Hidden]

Hello, believe me I know exactly how you feel. First of all you must understand that the holidays contribute to sadness for those of us who have issues with depression, or have health problems.

As far as counselors go, you can put 12 of them in one room and you get 12 different reasons why you're depressed. Most of them have no clue what it feels like. So they are just going through the steps of what they learned in school to try to help you. In my opinion a good friend who is there to listen is worth 100 counselors anytime.

I don't know why some of us have to suffer while others seem to have an easier life. I can only speak for myself of course, but I will say that my faith in God has become stronger because of my illness. No I don't think that I'm being punished in any way, but maybe I needed to have my eyes open to certain things. Who knows, what I learn from this experience now could possibly help someone else later in my life.

Also, do not let those people who seem happy all the time fool you. Behind closed doors many of them have very serious problems. They're just able to put on a much better front. Some of them get so freaked out this time of year because they feel like they have to have everything perfect or buy the perfect gift. Outside they may seem happy but inside they are super stressed out.

I thought I would be spending Christmas with my family but my back went out 2 days ago. Now I can't even sit in the chair for more than 5 minutes without my back hurting. So it seems I will be spending Christmas by myself in bed. I'm sure I'll get a phone call or text wishing me a Merry Christmas, but that will be the extent of it.

Being happy in my opinion is a state of mind. However, if you are in an abusive relationship, or like myself have a illness, it's hard. No question about it, it's hard. If you can change your environment or the people around you that are making you sad or unhappy, I would try to do so. But that's not easy either. I would however try to find yourself another counselor. If he makes you feel like you're crazy, he's the one that obviously needs help and is in the wrong profession. There's hundreds of counselors out there. Keep trying until you find one you connect with.

There are also people who simply have a chemical imbalance that needs to be treated with medication. If you are not taken any antidepressants, perhaps you should look into that with a new doctor.

The last thing I would add is to try to find a hobby or something you are interested in and pursue it. I like to write stories. Unfortunately due to my illness I can't write for very long. However, when I do write, I can make up any kind of world I want and get lost in it. That takes my mind off of my illness.

Just know that you're not alone. There are many many people out there that are sad or depressed. And it seems like they feel that way all the time to them. But there is hope for us. First of all find another doctor and try to find a hobby that you like.

I wish you the best of luck, and I will say a prayer for you.

[Hidden]

You will be happy. You just need to work out what it is that inspires you and what you like doing. I'd find another counsellor one that is going to give you some good exercises to work and not make you feel like you are crazy. They are supposed to work with you to empower you to help yourself and focus you on goals that will help you get better. I stopped trying to figure out what cause my anxiety and depression as talking about it for several months with my doctor and a psychiatrist was just making me worse as I just could pin point "the event" that triggered it all. So I took a stance and said enough let's focus on me getting better.

I'm more able to help other people than myself and already knew a lot of techniques for control stress and working on self-confidence. I had to pay privately to she a psychologist and with her help I finally started getting some where. I'd done courses I was referred to through my GP, who has been brilliant with me, but the psychologist was the key to putting everything in place and helping me to see the way through all this.

I'm still not 100% better, but I am so much better than I was at the start of the year. I now have goals that I am working on and I am starting to see a brighter future for me as well.

The things I've worked on are Stress Management and Control, mindfulness, Goal Setting, Thought diaries and so much more.

I now have a plan for each day and I am even making long term plans.

Hopefully in the New Year I'll be feeling well enough to return to work.

I hope you can find someone to help you and that you can find something to do that you like.

Take care

[Moonmoo]

Hey there, you're not alone. Lots of people have battles. What you see outwardly is not always true and those of us who suffer depression have other traits that make us more loving and understanding.

Counselling is not for everyone but sometimes it's a case of finding the right counsellor.

You have support here. X

[Findingme]

What messages were you given as a child. Were you taught it is selfish to do things for yourself, and that you should only treat others as you wish them to treat you, leading to you neglecting your own needs? Were you told you were being attention seeking if you expected others to care about your ideas, so stopped talking about yourself, then wonder why you often get overlooked? Do you feel happiness comes from getting attention, being loved and appreciated by others, or by yourself, or through success at work, or from being a victim and having other people care for you.

Of course, getting attention and being happy can be two very different things, but when you start looking at other people's lives it can be hard to tell them apart. The person you see who is surrounded by others looking after them may be putting on a brave face whilst inside feeling frustrated, or in pain, or depressed about their future. The successful business man might be very stressed and on the edge of a breakdown. Or they may love their life, and if so, good for them. If that is what you want, try to emulate their behaviour.

Decide what constitutes happiness for you, then look at the way your own beliefs hold you back from achieving happiness. Can you change your behaviour?

[iloveyou454 in reply to Findingme]

i got depression when i was 11 i ignored and kicked everyone out of my life. i ignored all the sadness just to wake up and put that fake smile back on and wipe away my worried face because i start to know that i will never be happy again, that the next time a real smile comes across my face is only so rare i cry every night and day from when i wake up to when i cant sleep. i just want to know why my sister, brother, mother, and father and everyone i know doesnt notice my pain deep inside of me

[Findingme in reply to iloveyou454]

Let me see if I understand you. You pushed everyone away because you could not deal with them, but are now trying to start over, but it is hard. You want your family to see you are suffering, but they don't.

Ok. Can you understand that perhaps they are not aware of the change in you, because you bottle it all up. Maybe they think being left alone is still what you want. That is possible, isn't it. The worst case scenario is that they do see the pain, but maybe do not want to get close to you because you hurt their feelings when you pushed them away, and they are not mature enough to deal with that.

Either way, hoping will not change things, on it's own. Try talking to them, asking for some help. Explain how sad and lonely you feel. If you get a good response then great. If not, then ask if you have hurt them in the past and can you apologise for inadvertently being unkind. Hopefully they will accept the apology. If not, maybe you need to strike out a bit and find some new friends who see you for the person you are today.

However, if you think you will go through the same process with new friends, the next time depression strikes, try going to your GP for some therapy. Get involved with other things too, hobbies which you can pick up and put down to suit your state of mind. You could try caring for animals, because they need you, regardless of whether you are smiling, but I would not advise getting a dog of your own, as you may find it too much.

Hope I have been of some help.

[Photogeek]

There is always suffering in life and that is life, it's suffering and happiness and

Ordinary times. Just because people look happy n the outside doesn't mean to

Say they are without problems or that they are happy . How do you know how

They are? Don't be taken in by appearances. When I'm out and about I look

Happy enough, but yes I'm sad and feel depressed at times, so you cannot

Assume everyone else is happy.

What on earth makes you think that the rest of us don't matter! Who says

We don't matter? You need to challenge those negative thoughts, of course

We matter. Happy people matter, sad people matter, homeless people matter, every person matters.

We can all choose to be sad or choose to change the way we view things, if your

Counsellor makes you feel like a freak, then change your counsellor and start to

Change what you can in your life , and just make the best of things. There is help

Out there but we have to make a effort to view life differently too. Have you

Thought about CBT or Cognitive Behaviour Therapy, it could really help you ,

All the best and just go with the flow, and appreciate that we are ,here, are alive and

Can look forward to 2016.

Hannah

[jennifer1983]

I am so sorry for your pain and suffering. I know exactly how you feel. I have been unhappy for more than half my life and I am 55 years old. I have struggled with depression for years. However having being prescribed the correct medication for depression I can feel happiness and the joy from life which I never did before. I am able to see that I am worth caring about myself and loving myself by eating right and choosing good for myself even as far as choosing friends who celebrate me instead of tolerating me. When you put out into the world that you care about yourself than others will follow. I now don't allow bad behavior towards me or anyone else. If I don't get the same love that I give to others than I move on. People who doesn't care about you is not deserving your love or friendship. I have noticed in my lifetime that we project either positive or negative energy around people and people pick up on that energy. Care about you first by making goo choices for yourself . Also just because people doesn't appear unhappy remember no one goes though this life unscathed .

You are not a freak you are just a human being who needs to love yourself and put yourself first

[iloveyou454 in reply to jennifer1983]

i may not seem like a freak to you or anyone else on the site but to the world i am useless

[jennifer1983 in reply to iloveyou454]

Why do say this ?

[Allestklar123]

Hi.

I have no idea about the reasons for some people feeling sad. I remember pretending to be happy when I was really very sad. I suggested to a friend that most people do this and she looked at me as if I was very strange.

A friend who lost her daughter-in-law at 24 to cervical cancer believes that bad thing happen to good people to give them the opportunity to develop compassion for others. She believes it allows them to grow as a person

I always hold onto, the things that don't kill you make you stronger. I guess you have to find your own reasons.

Not everyone is happy. Not everyone is pretending to be happy but some people are.

I think it is the sensitive among us that feel most. It is the compassionate hearts that suffer. Sensitive people recognise others emotions and sometimes mistakenly think it's about them.

I hear your suffering and I wish I could take it away. I can't. It's a question of learning to live in a world where people are so caught up in their own lives that they just don't see or want to deal with others pain. There are people who do care but sometimes it's hard to let them when your experience has always been bad.

Try to think of exceptions to not feeling cared about. Was there a ring when you did? You can't chase happiness it always gets away. You have to wait and recognise it when it's there.

Ally

[Maltesers11]

I can sympathise, but you will find people do care. Happiness isn't easy unless you can work out makes you unhappy. My husband has been abusive for years. He met someone else who convinced him to leave me (which i now consider a good thing). However I have been left a mountain of debts. I have dealt with a child taking A levels and going to uni, a child doing GCSEs with dyslexia so special needs plus a most able 13 yr old in top sets for everything. My now ex earns a high salary and I am on a low income with tax credits. My divorce absolute came through before finances etc were sorted. My 13 yr old daughter left 6 weeks ago to live in some other womans house with her father which hurt like hell. I have been written off work since October and feel tearful or angry nearly all the time. I just recently started CBT and have been on antidepressents for 8 months. Paid out £1500 this month just before xmas for court applications as only seen my daughter 4 times since October and as been told by my ex to sell and move into 2 bed flat. If counselling isnt working, try CBT. I understand completely how unhappiness can affect you, but cbt tries to make you focus on accepting, dealing, moving on and finding at least one positive thing in every day. I wish you all the best in finding happiness again.

[iloveyou454 in reply to Maltesers11]

not to be rude but when am i ever going to find someone who cares because from where i am standing theres not a single person in sight who will cry not even a shed of tear for me when im gone. i feel alone in a crowd

[Maltesers11 in reply to iloveyou454]

I have cried on the tram going christmas shopping due to court applications etc. And felt embarrassed. Your family would care if they knew how you felt. I have had sooooo much support from my family when they realised I was soo low. Dont be afraid of being open about it. Depression is awful to live with, but try and share some feelings because that is all they are .... just feelings, which do not make you who you are just how you feel now.

[Hidden]

One of the reasons I find this site so good is the fact that to fully understand a problem you must have been through it yourself or are going through it at the time, I was once told that it takes a thief to catch a thief! And I suppose this site is like that It takes a sufferer to understand a sufferer! That's why this place works for me, I can sometimes help others with what I say but can never help myself , I try to look for my good point's now rather than my many weaknesses, and that is all because of what has been said on this site . I really hope it helps you as much as it does me , just one smile from you to another can make their day and if they smile at someone else and that goes on and on just think of the many people you have given a happy start of their day Just for one smile,

[vidiman]

I think people who feel like me (maybe you). We just aren't able / bodily or mindfully so - to pick up the 'always happy' feeling. Which leads to us feeling the other way - it does wear at you over time.

All I can say it is because of the way we are not the world about us. Don't feel the world is against you, it isn't -but yes it seems so at times.

Try to find something that takes your mind away from it.

[Hidden]

Hi I think you are aiming much to high at the moment with wanting to be 'happy', how about seeking ok/contentment/peace first? Most of us spend much of our lives with the 'ok' bit and there is nothing wrong with that. The 'ok' can then lead on to fleeting bits of happiness which come and go. Even happy people can be sad sometimes you know as it is impossible to be happy all the time.

To be ok you have to start learning to understand and accept yourself the way you are, your personality, your ambitions etc. This is where a good counsellor comes in who will help you look at life from other angles and give you insights into yourself. It took you a long time to be the way you are, so you need to give it time to change destructive behaviour and learn to like yourself.

I have learnt in life that there are a lot of people out there looking to be cared for and loved, but don't forget it's not a one way street you know. You have to learn to love and care for yourself first before you can give it to others. No one sadly is going to love and care for you without it in return, no one is that altruistic as we all have our own needs and wants.

I hope you go back to counselling and when you find a good one stick with them and you will find your way in time. x

[Hidden]

Coughalot,says a lot of things that make sense, how can we expect love or to be loved if we don't like ourselves? We seem to be able to love but able to receive love? I love my ex with all my heart and soul, and am so much in love with her I accept her being my friend instead of my lover the person I used to cuddle up to at night, we still share our inner most thoughts and wishes (She knows how I feel about Her) sometimes happiness is acceptance of what we have,what is within our limits , I think that means being able to understand yourself rather than search for what we can not reach

[sara10kids]

Hi I'm a single parent of 10 kinds I fully understand your feelings, why won't doctor actually helping people be honest,I have been on antidepressants since I was 15, all I can say is I understand how you feel, if you want to chat to me maybe we could help each other,I can't see a light or a silver lining,I recently had a breakdown and I feel angry and frustrated with myself,I get so frustrated with myself and guilty about my children, but I don't want this life nomore, but I ain't brave enough to exspect my children to understand,