I recently read a post from else where which said "I am fed up with my life. I feel that I am never satisfied with the way my life has turned out and that I am living someone else's life." and I thought it was probably something I wrote! Why am I never ever satisfied? Why does others grass always seem greener? Why do I constantly feel overwhelmed by all that there is to do on a journey that will offer no satisfaction even if I could get to the end of it (which in reality i never will).
Why do I also have materialistic yearnings when I am not materialistic (well i don't believe I am!) knowing in my head and my heart that there is no happiness or satisfaction to be had if I Why is good enough never enough?
I feel overwhelmed by the raging debate that plays out constantly in my head between the perceived need/desire for more/better/something else and my rational adult self that tells me that this is an illusion and just a state of mind. It is not the real reality.
On an on this argument plays out. It exhausts me to the point where I can't think or do and fuels my depression and anxiety which have been constant companions all my adult life (more than 30 years at least!). I say fuels although it could equally be the other way round.
Anyway, getting to the point. I've been on antidepressants now for 15 years plus and had more counselling than you can throw a CBT manual at. I'm still seeing a counsellor now and have been weekly for the past 10 months or so.
If I am honest Counselling only helps me better understand the why. Neither medication or counselling offers any glimmer of hope that I will ever enjoy peace of mind and satisfaction (the thing I crave the most...a quiet mind).
I honestly have everything I need right here right now and I just want to know how to accept that fact as reality.
Hope my message resonates with others and someone out there has any guidance that goes beyond CBT and Mindfulness. which despite my best efforts trying them hasn't worked as yet.
Thanks for Listening.