Hello to you all
Just want to share my current experience of depression which is very bad. Yes I am in a high state of anxiety and panic every waking hour with heavy pain in my heart and solar plexus. My blood pressure has gone high racing away. I taught yoga for 12 years and was passionate about it, but have been in a very controlling relationship and only just realising this. I have given up teaching and practicing and become totally inactive I have left and gone back many times and my lovely family are desperate to help but I am not taking any action myself, I am utterley desolate and without hope! I have just put things in car for the seventh time, to go back to mums, and feel I am going crazy, We have just renovated our cottage and it is absolutely beautiful.... a dream home..........but it means nothing to me.
My husband tells ME what I think!!!!!!!!!! I am walking on eggshells all the time, he critizes me constantly, watches what I do and I have to cook very late at night (cooked dinners) while he goes to the pub, controls everything!!!!! When he speaks to me a lot of the time my solar plexus churns because I have to agree with him when my opinion is different to his/ Yes I feel I would be better off dead, but could not do this to all thoses who love me. This has happened insidiously over the years and my self has been destroyed. I am on low dose of meds but very against them, and seeing a counsellor, which is slow work and I am in a state every time I go, crying crying crying. Why cant I make decisions, get myself moving, its like I have pressed a self destruct button.
HOW DO YOU GET THROUGH THIS, SHOULD I GO, .....................sorry for this torrent of my lifes stuff but they say it helps to write to others love to all yogaros