Depressed and looking for help/advice

[aquarius47]

Hello, I don't know where to start but here goes....I am not a fan of self diagnosing, but I truly feel that I am burdened with chemical depression. I am 47 years old, and I do not think that I have been truly happy or content with my life.....Over the years I have put myself into financial holes thinking buying things will make me happy. That is a temporary happiness as I go right back to feeling empty....That is basically how I have felt for quite some time....

[Goldfish_]

Have a go at doing a self test. These are the ones we use in the uk

nhs.uk/Tools/Pages/Mood-sel...

[aquarius47 in reply to Goldfish_]

Thank you for this tool

[Satsuma]

Happiness comes from deep within ourselves .. We don't find it .. We either are happy or are not.

[WhiteAlice]

Aquarius47, well there you go, you started!! So, you're trying to fill an empty space. What is really missing in your life? Did you see your GP or go into therapy? Medication might be helpful, but it would really be great to discover what it is you really need to fill that spot. Is the chemical depression a brain imbalance or from chemical dependency? I'm not being judgemental, just wondering which path would be most helpful.

We all have our go to comfort. You spend. I just discovered I'm a coffee mug and a can of tuna away from being a horder. I know what space I was trying to fill. I was scared of having to move out & do the whole single mom thing again. Well, I did. Now I won't have to grocery shop for months (who needs 4 extra large jars of peanut butter?). Talk it out with a professional, but keep talking to us, too. We're all ears.

[aquarius47 in reply to WhiteAlice]

Yes I got started indeed I would say it is from a imbalance as I am not dependent on any drug...... I think therapy would be a good avenue for me...I have thought about it before, but just never pulled the trigger on that....

[WhiteAlice in reply to aquarius47]

Go for it!!

[Findingme in reply to WhiteAlice]

I've got 4 bottles of washing up liquid in the cupboard and I use a dishwasher. Go figure.

[WhiteAlice in reply to Findingme]

😆

[lin62-65ze]

Have you been diagnosed professionally? If this is you trying to come up with a solution to your unhappiness then it will carry on. You say that you have got yourself financially burdened, so you have spent money in an attempt to make you happy and then ended up paying for it. I do suggest you follow Goldfish and look up your symptoms. I am 64 to the outsider it may appear I have everything and should be happy but that is not the case, my husband is a nightmare, I feel my youngest son has yet to be diagnosed with manic depression the list goes on. I look at life this way, I have all my faculties and to a degree my health is not bad. I try to focus on the poorer people who through no fault of their own have virtually nothing while certain celebrities have way too much. I am grateful that I can enjoy the free things in life like watching the variety of birds eat nuts in my garden etc. I hope you manage to be happy, if you find a solution to your illness then you will be much happier, hope I have helped😊😊

[Smartbob1]

You have made the first step by coming on here. xxxxxxx

[Hidden]

Hi Aquarious47. Welcome to the site. On the right under pinned posts you will see the community rules. Can you familiarise yourself with them please. x

[cecilia13]

hi Aquarius47

what do you mean by "burdened with chemical depression"? Do you mean you feel you should try antidepressants or have been on them and they don't work , only make you feel worse ?

with some deeply unhappy people its alcohol or drugs or work , with you its spendin money and collecting stuff . its good you recognised you have got a problem and want to change things . you are no longer in self denial or blaming others .

I went through a similar stage to blank out my depression but like you say things don't make you happy (maybe not even people) and you get into the vicious circle f debt and fear which will make you more anxious and/or depressed .

I connect with the word "empty" you used in your account of problems . its a frighteneing overwhelming all consuming thing like cancer or falling into a deeper&deeper darker&darkerbottomless pit . I wish I knew the answer to how do you fill the terrible emptiness in your life because I have same problem and I too am going round & rond in circles .

Be patient and kind and gentle with yourself . Suffering is universal , its aprt of being human & alive . You are not alone . Keep in touch with us , keep talking and you will slowly feel better and maybe even see clearer . Take care. Cecilia 13 (lonely but hopeful heading)

[aquarius47 in reply to cecilia13]

One thing I feel that has contributed to my depression is my professional life..I hear people who say "I love my job", and I have never had that feeling...I never seem to get the job I want and end up having to settle....when I first went to college when I was 18, I went because I felt I had to, not because there was this great career dream of mine

[Findingme in reply to aquarius47]

Oh that is so familiar. Sounds to me as if you are more about pleasing others than yourself, but resort to spending money when it all gets too much. Other people comfort eat, or self harm. Maybe a counselor can help you achieve balance.

[Findingme]

Are you clinically depressed, or just looking for happiness in all the wrong places? From what I have been told, true happiness comes from doing what you love. Easier said than done though. Maybe you have learned to ditch your own goals for pleasing others. Or maybe you were brought up to value money over relationships. Do you think you could examine what leads you to spend, so as to avoid falling into the same trap over and over again?

[aquarius47 in reply to Findingme]

I think part of my problem is not finding something that I love...or better yet having things that you should have pursued but did not..although it is never to late to go do something you want to

[Findingme in reply to aquarius47]

Yes, but it is not always possible to do that thing you missed out on. Time for a fresh look perhaps.